From the March 2014 edition of Carolina Journal, a monthly journal of news analysis and opinion from the John Locke Foundation

Crisco Seeks Celebrity Help in Primary Against Aiken (a CJ parody) By Johnny LaRue Entertainment Correspondent RALEIGH — Former N.C. Commerce Secretary Keith Crisco, who is running for the Democratic nomination in the 2nd Congressional District, has announced the hiring of several "strategic campaign advisers" in his contest against "American Idol" runner-up and Chatham County resident Clay Aiken. Second District Democratic primary candidate Keith Crisco recently unveiled the campaign logo that his adviser, "American Idol" winner Ruben Studdard, designed for his campaign against opponent, "American Idol" runner-up Clay Aiken. (CJ spoof photo) Crisco, an Asheboro business owner and first-time congressional candidate, named a "Reality Team" to counter Aiken's built-in name recognition and celebrity appeal. Heading the team will be campaign manager Ruben Studdard, who defeated Aiken in the 2003 "American Idol" finale, and campaign media/talk show liaison Arsenio Hall, who bested Aiken in "Celebrity Apprentice." "Ruben and Arsenio have shown Clay can be defeated in a popularity contest, so their experience and advice will be invaluable," Crisco told Carolina Journal. Other members of the Reality Team include "American Idol" and High Point native Fantasia, who will handle outreach to African-American voters, and "Idol" runner-up Adam Lambert, named ambassador to the LGBT community. Crisco says Studdard already has been a big help. "He designed a logo for my campaign that is really nice. It looks sort of familiar to me, but I can't really put my finger on it," he said. Garner native Scotty McCreery, who won Season 10 of "American Idol," has decided to remain on the sidelines. When contacted by CJ, McCreery said that neither campaign would be able to guarantee 24/7 access to Bojangles' chicken, and "that pretty much sealed the deal," McCreery said. Crisco said choosing a theme for his campaign has been difficult. "Our first idea was to ask people to 'Vote Clay off the island,' but the producers of "Survivor" wouldn't let us use that," Crisco said. "Then I thought we'd call this our 'Amazing Race,' but the CBS lawyers sent us a stern letter." Meantime, Sharon Decker, Gov. Pat McCrory's commerce secretary, saw a potential boost for the state's economy from celebrity politicians. "If we can convince some Hollywood types to move here and run for office, imagine all the publicity North Carolina can generate from 'Inside Edition' and 'Entertainment Tonight,'" Decker told CJ. Decker said she was placing Richard Lindenmuth, the interim head of a public-private partnership that plans to take over many of the Commerce Department's functions, in charge of developing a recruitment and relocation program for celebrities who want to throw their hats in the ring. "We can expand the film industry tax credit to cover moving costs and subsidize movie and TV stars' housing for the first year while they establish residency," Decker said. "A consulting firm we hired found that every Emmy- or Oscar-winner we relocate here to seek election will create 1,750 job-days for film crews, makeup artists, and publicity professionals and more than $5 million in economic impact for the state." For his part, Aiken has assembled a more traditional campaign team. His advisers include Gary Pearce, a longtime associate and confidante of former Gov. Jim Hunt; Joyce Fitzpatrick, who worked with former Sen. John Edwards; and Betsy Conti, the wife of former state Transportation Secretary Gene Conti, who served with Crisco in the administration of Gov. Bev Perdue. Even with those establishment Democrats in his corner, a source close to Aiken told CJ that the entertainer has a trump card he can play. "If this gets really nasty, Clay has Simon Cowell as one of his 'favorite' cell-phone contacts," the source said. "If Crisco decides to play dirty, bring it on." CJ