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March 17, 2014 by Bryan 181 Comments A wise man once told me that when I find myself around single women, especially when I find them attractive or interesting, I should mention my wife and family early in the conversation.
Fellow husbands, I have found the above advice and the other tips at the bottom to be essential in keeping my marriage healthy and strong. Even though those were just a couple quick examples, I know there are a few of you out there that need to step up your role as a husband.
Now that I have your attention, here are 5 things every married man should do around single women. A married man in this position would be wise to pick out a couple great and fun photos of him and his wife and keep them displayed at his office or place of work.
I really like that this article offers men sound and practical advise about promoting to others the happiness and importance of the marriage relationship. Hannah, first off, thank you for taking the time to read the article and share your thoughts. In regards to the predatory statement, please understand that the intent of the article was to not diminish the value of women in any way; instead it was to make men aware of their actions around women other than their wife. As a tip for Hannah, When you find yourself with men or even one man, always remember that there are two points of view from the man. I do not believe that Hannah implied she only seeks advice about marriage from her married friends but that she looks to them as individuals and as a couple to be an example in all ways. Finally, I think it is great that you have good relationships with married couples, including the men. Yes, trust definitely makes a HUGE difference, as well as the fact that in my circle of friends and co-workers, we are all Christians (as opposed to a secular workplace, where it is probably much more difficult).
In closing, I believe this article has already helped many men and marriages that might have been in trouble.
Bryan, as a single, attractive Christian woman, I can tell you that his choice of words was not extreme. My husband works in a predominately female workplace and he always texts or calls to let me know when a group is going to lunch. He is also really good at introducing me to all of the coworkers he talks to regularly when I visit him. As I said above as well, future posts will deal with other relationships which, I hope, help you realize my intent was not to alienate single women.
Your wife’s colleagues cannot be expected to look out for your wife or to look out for your marriage. You are a gullible fool if you believe that nothing happened between your wife and that guy. Some of us are flawless at flirting: suggestive winks, courteous nods and charming smiles are mastered in order to rouse the intricate interpersonal footwork that is flirtation. As the seasons change and the weather becomes nicer, Iʼm trying to prepare myself for all of the foolishness that spring and summer will certainly bring. The sun is shining stronger and longer these days and you should expect men (and ladies too) to be on the prowl. Do not, I repeat, do NOT tell a man anything you donʼt mean just to get him to leave you alone. I know I may be in the minority when it comes to finding oneself in this particular situation, but certainly youʼve said some things you regret as well to get a guy off your back.
When it comes to dating, men and women alike tend to express feelings of anxiety, nervousness and overall curiosity about their upcoming date.  Will he be cute?  What will we talk about?  Is he going to be attracted to me?  Often the man ends up as the “host” of the date.
It’s safe to assume that most women have aspirations of getting married one day, some sooner than others. Even though married people should be off-limits, there are plenty of men (and women) who seem to be blind to binding rings. For instance, you are enjoying happy hour with a few of your girlfriends at a local lounge and notice something tall, dark and handsome giving you the dimples.
Monica Beyer is a mom of four and has been writing professionally since 2000, when her first book, Baby Talk, was published. An open relationship may not be everyone's cup of tea, but for some couples, it's the only way to go. Jessica, who has been married for four years to her husband, Kent, shared what has made their unconventional relationship work. Alternatively, some couples enjoy setting up dates for their partner or spouse, and still others spectate or even participate in each other's experiences. Also, it's best to keep your main partner's feelings and special situations in mind at all times. You'll both benefit if you know, from the outset, that this type of relationship may not work for you.
While an open relationship is outside the realm of most couples, it can work if done with compassion and understanding from both partners, and both are on the same page at all times.
Let him look at your discreet cleavage, if you have to pick something up in front of him, do it so you know he’ll get a nice look at your derriere but don’t be so obvious that he’ll know you want him.  The point is to make him not be able to stop thinking about you. Pick a time that was fun for two reasons: it will remind you why you love her so much and it will make for a great conversation tool when others, especially women, ask about it. I’m saying to be careful where your eyes travel and how long they travel for when you are in the presence of an attractive single women. Your wife’s feelings are and will always be more important then the woman you need to take these steps with. Lies or hidings will eventually be in the open (or caught) and will cause a lot of heartache. I can appreciate the fact that you found the points to be useful in keeping marriages strong.
At many points in the article I mention to not be rude, to be polite and to be professional to all women. There is definitely discussion going on about the type of relationship you mentioned and others types as well.
You must keep in mind that you are talking about married couples who are your close friends. I dislike the idea that as a married man (married for one year), I now have to act differently. I feel it would not be wise of me to say to much in response since you suggested that you are a marriage counselor, you know the state of marriage and the problems most likely much better than myself.
Not always knowing how to strike the balance of supporting couples is never caring for single women either.
Admitting those weaknesses to those close to you keeps accountability at the forefront where it should be. As long you can control your own mind and your actions, you don’t ever have to worry.

Just because someone is married does not mean attraction can’t still form between them, indeed, isn’t that the point of this article? In no way was this post trying to diminish the value of women, instead it was meant to make men aware of their actions around single women. It was specifically written to married men to help them keep their marriage strong and healthy.
Sometimes, something goes to the wrong direction just because of our own words, action and close interaction around single women. Well she came clean that she got WAY to drunk and overly flirted with a man who eventually made his move on her but she shot him down. If you want to submit content but would like your content to have a name of your choosing please register a username and password first then login before you make your submission.
While traditional gender roles suggest that men should be the aggressors and approach a woman they’re interested in, women are becoming more bold in going after what they want – and getting it! It came to me one day that what most men today donʼt want to deal with is an overly religious, holier-than-thou kind of girl.
He wanted to buy me dinner and whenever I tried to nicely decline, heʼd try to be more convincing. Mister Man had taken me at my word and not only would he attend Sunday service, but he for some reason came to Sunday School!
Are there any times when you should have said no thank you and walked away, but you said something that came back to bite you in the behind instead? The summer months are here and you want pondside picnics and weekend patio lunches with a real boo. We talk with couples who have successful open relationships to find out what works for them. Of course, there are rules and boundaries that need to be drawn up before any exploration can take place.
Protected sex is a must for almost all couples, and some decide that certain individuals are off limits, such as ex-girlfriends or co-workers.
Other rules to consider are the types of contact allowed, how much time each partner will be allotted outside of the relationship, and where the activities will take place — your home?
For example, if one partner of a couple becomes uncomfortable, you'll need to think about how you'll proceed if one wants to call off the idea of an open relationship. For many, sex does not equal love, and pursuing additional relationships can actually help an existing relationship grow stronger. If you are about to enter a situation that makes you look at your ring and consider if you need it on or not, LEAVE!
Update the image as needed to keep the people around you knowing your relationship is continuing to grow.
You know that once you engage in the first serious look you have signed the dotted line for more eye trouble. You can choose to keep it short and general, you can choose to keep it professional or you can choose to keep it off of those and allow it go places it shouldn’t.
The single women you engage with each day, if you have to, should be no match to your wife and family. Accountability with another brother is key to success in that area and all the others above.
I also like the fact that you engage with married couples, both the man and the woman, to find out more about marriage. I think friends are friends, and I’ve never let the boundaries be crossed by myself or anyone else. I do, however, feel your choice of words were much more extreme than what was represented in the article.
Those attitudes express a married man who is publicly able to handle himself around other women.
If you feel there is much more to the process in dealing with single women as you say, I would be willing to work with you on a possible future article.
I have lots of friends that aren’t and are and I feel this applies to both men and women they both flirt.
I trust him so it feels silly for him to do it but he says it keeps him accountable and he will know when something crosses the line if he hesitates to tell me. I think making it about all women would be less accusatory towards single women, indeed, this is all the more important so that those who are single don’t feel even more alienated.
As a single Christian Woman I find it hard to hard to integrate and have genuine conversation with people without all this going on. With the divorce rate so high, more men need to be aware of the importance of their marriage and what actions will help them protect it. She didn’t leave though she stayed out with her colleagues (and the guy) until the bar closed. If she isn’t doing that, the reason behind her careless behavior might be the thing that needs handling.
Who says you have to wait for that cute guy you’ve made eye contact with to come over to you first? We get so caught up in trying to impress someone that all of our cool points go out of the window. Is it me, or are the pick-up lines and tactics that men use to gain the attention of women far more exuberant and bold when itʼs hot!? Iʼm at church, where I always am on Sundays, teaching Sunday School, what I always do on Sundays. As the weather gets warmer and warmer and men become as persistent and brazen as the summer sun, find a better way than the younger version of myself, and politely decline every suitor you are not interested in. Until then, single women should experience certain things, meet certain people, and potentially get certain things in order (like that enormous credit card debt lingering since college). It’s been a minute since your mama met any man of yours and your ovaries are screaming out to you that you ain’t gettin’ any younger. If your relationship is extremely strong and honesty is a top priority, you should be able to weather such changes.
These “simple” places could produce difficult relationships that will harm your relationship and love with your wife.
Your family should be your first priority wherever you are and with whomever you encounter each day. I kept advising him to be careful not to lead any of them on because women tend to have feelings to men who give them extra attentions.
It makes sense for married couples to teach and help singles in their relationships and in their future marriage endeavors. So just engage meaningful conversation with men protectors and you won’t have any problem.

This is of course wrong, and my goal was to make men aware of those facts and provide tools for keeping their marriage relationship safe and strong. Now, I realize that this was written for the men, and this us try to help them when they are tempted to let their minds wander wrongly, but it comes at the cost of implying that single women (who are often serious fans of virtue and fidelity in men because they long for that someday in their lives) are dangerous, even if just to the man’s mind.
I do agree that this applies to married women as well, and I hope to have another post out soon that deals specifically with the relationship of married men to married women. If the other person is married or not you should have the self control to do all the above, because that is what being married is all about! I have personally known women who have either cheated on their husbands, stolen from their husbands, flirted with other men (single and married) while married to their husbands, even leave their husbands for another man who is either married, or single, or in a crumbling relationship. Having healthy relationships with people at church and going on missions when there are always other people around to keep everyone accountable is one thing, but the church is full of adulterers just as the world is.
If she is cool with you still engaging with other women with her not around, then you are good to go.
That is great until you start having little disagreements that build up, start a job that puts you around beautiful women or place yourself around friends that don’t have a wife to be responsible for. Married man to married women, single man to single women, married women to single men, etc… I hope that will help you better appreciate and understand why it was written this way.
What upsets me the most is that what I always worried about came true, secondly her colleagues didn’t try and stop her from flirting. You have already spoken to your wife and asked her to be careful when she goes out partying. So I had the grand idea to talk excessively about Jesus when hyper-persistent men who I was not interested in approached me.
You might be getting a bit desperate and frustrated, but don’t allow that to cause you to make bad decisions. When this happens, you have to make the choice to embrace their attention or extinguish it in a friendly way by mentioning your beautiful wife and family. I feel a personal conversation shouldn’t ever reach these external conversations in the first place.
This is a no brainer for those that are in a good relationship, but men flirt with married women as well, my wife have men that are extra nice to her at work because she is a woman and maybe could use a “little help” even with her wedding ring on! Men are not exempt from feelings and emotions, no more or less than woman are, and women are not exempt from desires of cheating no more or less than men are.
Okay, okay, easier said than done, but you may be missing out on a number of dating possibilities simply because you’re shy, stubborn or afraid of rejection. A girlfriend, who happened to witness my exchange with persistent gentleman number one, meets me at the door.
Think about how you would want your husband to handle a similar situation and respond accordingly. Seriously, get out of that situation, your vows, marriage, children and more depend on those important decisions. These men have helped me with a car problem, offered to install a flood light on my back porch, hooked up a router for my internet. I think, (IMO) that one of the greatest things marital relationships suffer from other than financial stress, and infidelity issues, is the never ending changing roles of genders that stemmed from the women’s lib movement.
And Satan continues to vehemently tear away at this very basic union sanctioned by the One True God. And yes, you must be able to control your own mind and know when boundaries are needed or not.
Some men can be just as nervous and shy as women can, so help the guy out a bit and at least meet him half way. No man wants to stand in the bitter cold for long trying to convince you to take his number, but that same man will follow you down the block until he wears you down when he can leave that coat in the closet. This philosophy begins to seem a little ridiculous, doesn’t it? Is It Possible To Overcome Betrayal? You might have had the choice many times to engage in flirty conversation or go out with co-workers after work.
Frankly, my experience in marriage counseling has been that more often it’s two married people commiserating about the trials of spouse and family that is the spark and powder keg of mental (and other) infidelity.
Sometimes a quick no thank you will do when trying to dissuade eager suitors, but there are some men who are tenacious and donʼt seem to take no for an answer. If this is you and your wife is at home waiting for you, then it’s time to step back and assess your position as the husband and leader.
Secondly, he is hiding things, meaning the msgs he is having the girls are not so innocence type.
Nevertheless, if there is one thing that cannot, nor ever will be changed, it will be a man’s innate desire and ability to procreate in this world naturally! My hat’s off to Bryan for encouraging men to recognize the inherent vulnerability God has created in us, that can lead to lust, sin, sorrow, heartbreak, destruction of families, and divorce. After Adam accepted the offer from Eve, God turned His attention from Eve and confronted Adam, who promptly blamed Eve, and then had the temerity to blame God Himself for giving Eve to him as his wife!
Take the necessary steps to make your relationship with your wife the most important one again and don’t forget it.
This pattern of mankind to defer responsibility to someone else has been repeated ad nauseum ever since. It was apparent that this one had come to the field to play and hardball was obviously his game of choice. All I can do is pray for a pure heart and deflect the conflict that arises from couples when behavior prompting this article arises. I told the gentleman that I wasn’t giving him my number but, if he came to my church, I would have dinner with him.
I told him the name of the small church I attended at the time and casually told him that it was on the corner of such and such. If and after we have become His children, we are frequently guilty of disobeying His commands or falling short of His glory, and need our fellowship restored through our confession (acknowledgment) of our sin(s). A man has to give himself to God DAILY and let his old self die for strength and hope that he can get through the day unaffected by the bombardment. Couple all that with having to work with ladies around you and keep your mind pure is terrible difficult, it takes a ton of self discipline and giving all impure thoughts to God, right then and there.

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