Check out the expert advice on how to deal with five common sources of conflict between adult kids and their parents. You might also like: {{displayTitle}} Read More By now you know your parents aren't normal.
If you can relate, know that when a parent is too up in your business, you may not adjust well to the real world, be less than great with following through on goals, and encounter trouble making friends. Fingerman believes the changing nature of adulthood in the 21st century explains why leaning on a parent well into your 20s may not be such a bad thing after all. Bottom line: As long as you feel OK with how things are, don't worry about being close and sharing what you wish to share with your folks. No matter how bad your situation was growing up, Luskin believes that in order to lead a happy, healthy life, you need to expend less energy pointing the finger and more energy mastering coping skills for dealing with emotional triggers and relationship issues.
In the event you must scratch the itch to confront a parent for previous wrongs or discuss the root cause of your resentment, brace yourself for their reaction, Luskin says. Many of us may see worries as negative emotions, but worrying about someone may make them feel more loved, according to another study by Fingerman The worries adult children and their parents experience for one another. Sarah, whose husband is a policeman, cannot fathom what she and her ­husband have done that is so terrible they have been cut out of their ­daughter’s life. Close friends, significant others, and support groups, or sometimes even your work buddies, are good places to start. It's in part because we often lack the understanding that parenting is an unbelievably difficult job atop the insight that parents are bound to screw you up to a certain degree.


Not only will they likely be hurt by your confrontation, they may not remember things like you do, and you may end up feeling invalidated by their response.
If so, surely there is no harsher judgment of a ­parent than to be deliberately cut out of a child’s life for ever.Yet this is what Claire, a well-spoken, professional young woman has done to her mother. Now, it is the other way round.’ Coleman also blames the ­predominant cultural belief that the way children turn out is ‘the fault’ of their parents. And in a culture where kids are more apt to judge parents in ways that may strike parents who truly are trying their best as unfair, estrangement may be more likely to occur, he adds.
She hasn’t spoken to her for two years and has no intention of doing so again.Her decision is not the result of any life-changing moment of betrayal which has forever turned child against parent. Documentary maker Elizabeth ­Vagnoni has set up an online forum for parents experiencing ­estrangement, on which are ­heartbreaking tales of children who refuse contact with their ­parents and won’t let them see their ­grandchildren.
David, 28, blames his parents for his low self-esteem, which he feels is at the root of his alcoholism.
Or if you feel the need, enlist a family therapist to help ensure your message gets across. Other research has also found that connecting with our parents through not one but multiple mediums (think: text, email, Skype) makes us more satisfied about our relationship with them. And parents and adult kids who can find the humor in their frustrations tend to have an easier time in their relations with one another, Fingerman adds. Rather, Claire simply ‘doesn’t like her mother any more’ and decided her life is better without her in it.


I have moved on and I will never go back.’As a mother of three daughters, I can only begin to imagine how wretched Claire’s mother must feel at this rejection. Some parents seek grief counselling, while others fall into depression and even ­contemplate suicide.
It hurt me ­terribly and we drifted further apart.’But it was Rachel’s decision to drop out of university and move in with a boyfriend that triggered the estrangement. The ­estrangement ­happened after Claire’s mother failed to ­support her daughter ­‘sufficiently’ when she split up with her first boyfriend. Jane Stewart, 49, from Kent, ­understands how precious — and ­precarious — a mother-daughter ­relationship can be. Twice-married Jane, who works in PR, first fell out with her rebellious teenage daughter Laura when she was 14. Check out five common sources of conflict between adult kids and their parents, plus expert guidance for how to deal with all those tricky situations so you no longer have to feel like a freak (or put up with nagging). I ­remember shouting at her: “But it’s wh­at you wanted!” ‘I needed her to help around the house and a lot of our arguments ­centred on her lack of help.



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