Her outpourings, which convey with unflinching honesty the huge difficulties older women can face finding a man, have caused quite a stir on women’s internet chat forums. For people like me — I’ve been married and out of the dating game for nearly 20 years — the idea that there are vast numbers of single women, but no single men, seems nonsensical.
The typical 42-year-old man will accept a woman up to 15 years younger, but no more than three years older — and the women he enters into online conversation with are almost always at the younger end of the spectrum. However, there can be a more subtle reason why many women who say they’d love to find a man remain single.
These tenets work for me, but it's important for each one of us to find our own bespoke rules, guidelines, deal breakers, and tweak them as we grow. Now that I've accepted the fact that age doesn't matter all that much after 40 in terms of who one hooks up with, I've been getting in shape for that inevitable moment when someone walks into my life who is five, 10, even 15 years younger than me.


I have heard it said that a woman over 40 has a better chance of being killed by terrorists than she does of finding a husband. The woman, who is divorced but says she would love to be married again, describes herself as being ‘on the wrong side of 45 with a brace of kids’ and bewails her place in ‘relationship no-man’s land’, condemned to be alone for the rest of her days.She writes under the name ‘The  Plankton’, explaining that, like the plankton in the ocean, she is barely visible and ‘at the bottom of the food chain for love and relationships’. The typical woman, by contrast, states she’d like to meet a man a few years older or younger than herself — and these are the men she contacts. These attitudes explain why many over-45s — including The Plankton — describe themselves as ‘invisible’ to the opposite sex. For some, it amounts to a positive decision to remain single.’I contacted The Plankton and she said the huge response to her lament proves there are many older women who feel just as she does. I own a lovely two- bedroomed cottage with a beautiful garden, which I enjoy, but night after night I sit  on my own watching TV.


And many, perhaps even The Plankton herself, would simply rather be alone than with the wrong man.
Charlotte Cory, a writer and artist, left her husband after 20 years and, at the age of 50, started surfing for love online.
Some older women may be missing out on the chance of finding love, she thinks, because, bruised and rejected in earlier relationships, they lack the confidence and persistence to keep dating until they find  a match.



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Comments

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