This entry was posted in 50 Useful Tips and tagged Conscious Competence Model Martial Arts Mastery Plymouth Practice on June 24, 2014 by admin. Learning any new skill, whether martial arts related or otherwise, can be a very frustrating experience for many people.
Understanding how process of learning can help you stay focused on learning the new skill, and ultimately help you reach mastery. The Conscious Competence Model of Learning defines four psychological states in the process of beginning to learn a new skill through to mastery. To progress from this stage of learning you must recognize your own incompetence and accept the value of the new skill. The length of time an you stay in this stage will depend on the strength of the stimulus and motivation to learn a new skill.
In this stage you are aware you do not know how to do something and begins to recognize it would be valuable to learn this new skills. In this stage you know how to do something and can demonstrate the skill but it requires concentration and effort. As a result, you can also perform this skill while executing another task and you will be able to teach it to others, depending upon how and when it was learned. The next time you step on the mat or attempt learn a new skill do not become frustrated by making mistakes, or failing at your first attempt. If you are looking to learn a new skill take advantage of our FREE Trial offer and start at Masters Academy Plymouth today.
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Vocabulary describes subculture as: a group of people within a larger culture that differentiates itself from the larger culture to which it belongs. Different Orientation: There are groups of sexual subcultures that don’t have same sexual life as the rest.
Elements of Ethnocentrism or Xenocentrism: Subcultures have the tendency to believe their culture is superior over other cultures.
Twitter FeedIn 2013, among women ages 25 to 29, 37% had at least a bachelor’s degree, compared to 30% of men in the same age range.Evangelicals rally behind Trump while religious "nones" support Clinton.
My partner Paul and I attended a retreat called The Joining where we spent a beautiful couple of days learning about, celebrating and rejoicing the dance between the feminine and masculine energies. The whole aim of this work is to cultivate the masculine and feminine sexual essence that can become lost in our contemporary couple relationships.
In the group, it was wonderful to have the time, focus and support of other beautiful women to re-embrace my feminine essence through dance, body movement, expression of feelings, and supporting other women into their feminine essence. After a challenging group experience, emotional discussions with Paul and then further discussions between Paul, Cynthia, Ernst and myself, I still swing between two camps of thought and feelings on the issue. On one hand, I can see how the exercises with other people were triggering past betrayals from past relationships that still need healing. I have seen many people emotionally detach in relationships under the “disguise” of practicing non-attachment.
My mother on the other hand, made it clear that she had no desire to have children and seemed to take it out on me throughout my childhood.
I do not even think I was aware of shutting down emotionally as an adult in intimate relationship until relatively recently. In psychology we have coined the term “healthy attachment bond” which means an early childhood relationship with significant others that consists of love, trust, supported autonomy, and stability.
The biggest difference between developing inner safety and security as a young child in a healthy parental relationship and two people developing it in an adult intimate relationship, is that the adults require conscious awareness and good communication skills to be able to pull it off. The practice of non-attachment in intimate relationship is yet another step forward beyond the safe and secure attachment bond. How many times have you found yourself reacting to your partner’s words or actions, only to later wonder why you reacted in the way you did? An example of patterns and projections harming an intimate relationship is the pattern of rejection. This is just one of many challenging patterns and projections that can happen in intimate relationships. What ways do you consciously choose to take self-responsibility in your intimate relationship? Perhaps what gave me the deepest sadness in my family of origin was that they were so emotionally shut down.
Over the decades as an adult, I have accessed counselling, spiritual healing, kinesiology, body talk, holographic kinetics, and anything else I could get my hands on!
I learnt in a very real way the importance of healing myself before I can create a conscious, healing and loving intimate relationship. This involves understanding the differences between genders and honouring those differences. When we think about commitment and being in the moment, we often think they are two mutually exclusive concepts and practices. Commitment in the moment is about putting in our 100% in the here and now into our businesses, work, relationships, parenting etc.
Likewise, in business or even in employed positions, what we create in our work life and the commitment we bring to it shines through or disintegrates it.
The issue of expectations in intimate relationship has two dominant perspectives, the male and female. From the dominant Western female perspective of expectations in intimate relationship, a lot of women believe it is important to have high expectations of the men who date them.
From the male perspective of expectations in intimate relationships, I am hearing more and more from men that the expectations from women are simply too high. As gender roles and beliefs have shifted post World War II in the West, there has been a great deal of discount between men and women, putting each other down, relationship disharmony and increased rates of divorce.
Back to gender… Given this social context in the West, the feel of the connection between the genders is more like war than love.
There have been huge shifts in consciousness in humanity which has affected gender beliefs, practices and expectations.
Have there been experiences of coming into compassion for the other gender rather than criticism? I want to acknowledge Lyvea Rose for partaking in expansive and engaging conversations on the Romantic Hero themes portrayed in this blog, and for her insights on the current astrological conditions of Venus in Gemini.
Have you ever found yourself caught in a romantic projection that expects a man to psychically know how to treat you to open your heart to love? As women we often confuse ourselves with our projections that we place on men in romantic relationships. Focusing on healing our own patterns as women, rather than trying to change him or getting him to see his flaws, is central to releasing our projections. Recognizing the feminine projections we put on men is crucial for genuine connection to occur between men and women.
The times when we are caught in heartbreak when we are not even in a committed relationship, or when a man does not met our romantic expectations, can be seen as a gift. I do want to make one distinction and that is the difference between romantic projection and the need for healthy boundaries.
Cultivating the relationship, trust and commitment in the moment is all about making conscious choice about our own reactions. If a woman is more feminine than masculine in her essence, then she is likely to be “emotionally based” in her self and world perspective. David Deida described the process of emotionally based wisdom in his book “The Way of the Superior Man”. The truth is that feminine based thinking is quite different from masculine based thinking.
In my work as both a woman and a psychologist, I have witnessed and related to women’s struggle with their own emotions.
Even though women are thinking and communicating on an emotional basis much of the time, they often cannot express what they are doing, and are at a loss to describe it to men (or other women with a masculine essence). It is up to Women to understand themselves and respectfully communicate the process feeling-orientated-thinking to men. So as women we need to understand ourselves and realise that men (when in their masculine) are doing something that is very different, although equally valid. Accept others for who they are and for the choices they’ve made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions. Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life. Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with. Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.
Value the friends and family members who’ve supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well. Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals.
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you’ll see the goodness and beauty within. PRINCIPLES OF GREATNESS: The great secret to success is that there are no secrets to success. This is the same as Unconscious competence, in which you have mastered a technique so fully that you are performing it as you realise you should be preforming it. Even Google does a better job, and even they appear as an utter failure when compared to Apple. Be conscious of not only your own safety but also the safety of others on the road, and thus enjoy the best and most comfortable driving experience. Read it carefully for good understanding of the content so that you can enjoy safe and pleasant driving in your Maruti vehicle. Are you ready to create great results from day one and start your career in a global business?
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We shared special experiences of opening further into our gender potentials with another 100 amazing men and women with the same passion for connection, community and conscious cultivation of the masculine and feminine.
Deida points out in his work that there are three stages of evolution for the masculine and feminine. In a time of significant changes in couple relationships over the last few generations and when there are very high rates of relationship separation, this kind of work is greatly needed.
However, my confusion arose when I discovered that I was not cultivating my feminine essence for my partner and he was not cultivating his masculine essence for me, but rather we were to freely give our sexual essence to any man or woman in the group. Yet on the other hand, I question how much of what I was feeling was a normal adaptive emotional response to the actual experiences in the group that required me to hear them and act on them. However, there is a big difference between shutting down from another person and practicing non-attachment. Both my mother and father were seriously emotionally damaged however, as a child I did not know that!
I have been on the receiving end of punishing behaviour from men in relationships without knowing why. It is not possible to practice non-attachment until healthy attachments are formed, otherwise they are really only different manifestations of unhealthy detachment.


Some people think it refers to open sexual relationships, while other people think it is about spiritual awakening in relationship. How often have you found yourself on the receiving end of your partner’s judgements or projections and wondered “where did that come from”?
We may believe we are making choices when we are really driven by unconscious patterns however, this is an illusion. For example, we may genuinely think that our partner is rejecting us and feel crushed and betrayed.
The core essential point is that taking self-responsibility and making conscious choices to co-create an intimate relationship, where both people grow into better people and better partners, is a desirable goal. While intimate relationship is only one type of relationship where love can be cultivated, it fascinates me because I believe there is so much potential in our intimate relationships, rather than misunderstanding, separation and heartbreak.
My dad was a Vietnam veteran with PTSD and my mum was psychologically and emotionally shut down.
If women are generally emotionally based creatures while men are often physically based, then what can we learn from each other in regards to respecting each other? If we struggle with resentment, criticism, guilt or condemnation towards our partner, then perhaps it is time to heal. It is like saying, “right now I will do the very best in being present, aware and focussed on this project or relationship”. If we believe that the relationship is long lasting then it is more likely that it will be long lasting.
They often do not realise it, but this attitude and the attached feeling space, creates a general depressing lack of commitment and lost opportunities to give. Perhaps this is the best place to start to cultivate commitment in any area of our lives, as commitment is a process that emanates from our beliefs, feeling space and actions when we embrace it. There is a culture of increasing “feminine desirability” and the concept of “deserving” that are echoed in how women want to be treated in intimate relationships.
I am hearing a lot of anger and discontent from men about unrealistic feminine expectations of them.
From both parties, there appears to be a great deal of misunderstanding and lack of healthy communication. The loving connection that can be cultivated between men and women in inmate relationships can buffer us from the world’s harshness and increase our physical and mental health. The misunderstanding between genders partly stems from both men and women holding old traditional expectations in relationships as well as newer expectations that stem from social and technological change. Lyvia says we are currently experiencing a great deal of energetic shifts in intimate relationships due to this astrological formation. Have you found yourself guilty of developing anger or resentment when he withdraws from you or retreats after romantically pursuing you? We expect them to fulfil our every need and threaten to leave him until we either get what we want or walk away. Accepting and allowing him to be himself is a great way to begin a respectful friendship rather than creating a prison cell.
These times are a healing crisis that crushes our romantic delusions about men and relationships. Men, like women, can have many destructive unhealthy patterns that recruit them into abusive, manipulative, cohesive, neglectful or disrespectful behaviour.
Living in the moment rather wishing for a fantasy commitment is essential for commitment to grow. Being “emotionally based” means that the origin of her thought stems from emotional wisdom rather than rational or logical thought. He discussed an analogy where a man asked another man to a movie and the other man responded, “It depends on the movie”! Also, In our Western world emotionally based wisdom is often not understood, no matter about honoured or respected.
Women are often confused, in a great deal of emotional distress and unable to understand or express themselves. If you watch two women having coffee, one will talk about how they feel about a whole lot of experiences and the other will listen and validate. I hear some men say “women just like to talk… about nothing”, however women actually are talking about something! It will only be through women’s self-understanding and respectful description of emotional processes that will lead to men taking respectful notice of women’s perspectives. Working with women to help them understand and work with their emotions is the corner stone to helping both men and women honour the emotional perspective and feminine wisdom. Letting go of the past, being happy with what you have, or not letting uncontrollable factors get the better of your emotions, for example.
When hate is in your heart, there’s room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there’s room for endless happiness. We are all designed for accomplishment, engineered for success and endowed with the seeds of greatness. The Oxford dictionary also describes it as a “cultural group within a larger culture” with different sets of interests and beliefs which are often very different to those of the larger culture. For instance, we have the Canadian culture, the American culture or the Australian culture.
They are seen as negative influences by the larger cultural groups because they don’t conform to the society, and they are not class-conscious. There are also sexual preferences which don’t necessarily tend to be common, such as Polyamory and Paraphilia. It was here that Paul and I met Cynthia and Ernest who facilitated a couple of workshops that focused on David Deida’s work that embraces raising the masculine and feminine sexual essences.
In the first stage, the masculine and feminine are sexually polarised but they are embroiled in control and power issues. Our intimate relationship could provide the glue for meaningful connection and increase resilience in a stressful, disconnected world.
While I can see the enormous value of learning how to cultivate our sexual essence in our intimate relationship, I question how we can honour the sacredness, specialness and boundaries of the relationships while we do this work. I question, what is right for Paul and I in our own unique relationship and more generally, how are we to really honour our intimate relationships and cultivate them while learning the David Deida work? Personally my life has been one of flipping between destructive co-dependent relationship and detachment.
I was conditioned to believe that I was over-emotional because I emotionally reacted to my parent’s physical abuse and the absence of emotional connection with both me and each other. I learnt to hide myself and to shut down my intense emotions because it only made things worse.
I now see they were reacting to their own perceptions and pain patterns that were triggered by my withdrawal. As an adult we need to constantly practice self-awareness of our already damaged emotional patterns and then communicate them with each other before a safe and secure attachment bond can form. The practice of non-attachment is being able to detach from our own and the people’s patterns while simultaneously being able to connect and love ourselves and others beyond the patterns. Yet others may see it as understanding inner demons, rather than taking them out on our partner.
Conscious relationship is a practice of mindfully bringing awareness into our own thoughts, feelings and actions when caught in relationship dynamics.
These reactions may involve lashing out verbally or even physically, or they may  involve withdrawing into ourselves and becoming evasive or avoidant. After all, how can we make choices in how we are acting towards our partner if a) we do not understand them or where they are coming from, and b) we do not even see or understand our own patterns? Blaming and projecting our realties onto our partner is very common and can be powerfully convincing.
Yet the partner’s reality may be that they are overwhelmed at work or that their partner is not listening to them and therefore not available to them anyway. My hope is that increased awareness of gender and relationship will lead to us healing ourselves and our hearts.
So neither one of them were connected to love within themselves, their relationship or with their children. There are times when challenging things happen in life, but my perceptions and beliefs are largely positive. It is not so much about becoming like the other, but rather to understand what the other is about in how they approach life. When we make a commitment we are saying that we will stay together in a marriage relationship or that we will commit to making a business or project work.
The truth is that we cannot know what we will be thinking, feeling or doing in five or twenty years’ time. However, I am continuously seeing people in business focussing on the stress and negative (or their fear based reality) rather than bringing in some optimism and realistic steps forward to strengthen their business. Susan Jeffers talks about giving our 100% to each aspect of our lives with commitment and generosity to overcome depression and anxiety. Commitment to ourselves is about valuing and honouring ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally in every moment.
There is also the age old concept of male wealth, status and how well they can be provided for. As men seem to feel more marginalized for not living up to these expectations, they are asking questions about what they see as women’s manipulation and criticism of men. Ironically, through this journey there is actually more socioeconomic expectation on the individual to succeed financially and being everything to themselves. Gender differences in expectations just seem to become polarized, leading to increased isolation and heart break. Rather than listening to each other, both men and women tend to be defensively reacting to each other in this tug-of-war. These shifts require more understanding of ourselves and then each other more than what has ever happened throughout written history. Both men and women are being challenged to evolve and increase awareness of interpersonal patterns and relationships.
Have you closed your heart tight so you will never be hurt by another man following one rejection after another? The key is however, that if a man is not giving us what we want then we need to heal our own projection of him. We can witness our thoughts and the emotional attachments to those thoughts, in order to see through this destructive pattern.
When I talk about coming out of unrealistic expectations, I am not referring to the expectation of mutual respect of choice, time, sexuality, space, spirituality or beliefs.
Commitment is not a black and white concept that states… now we are together (or not together)!
As we heal our own emotional patterns and wounds we free up the pressure we put on men to fix things for us. Her understanding of the world is relationship orientated rather than physically orientated. I believe the feminine harbours a deep wound about the lack of understanding and honouring of emotional based thinking, which then becomes projected at the masculine. The more no-one can understand her emotional landscape, the more she becomes “Kali, the destroyer”. When she is finished (if the relationship is balanced) the other one will express how they feel about their experiences and the first one will validate her emotions. They are often talking about the ever changing emotional landscape within themselves, relationship and the world! Emotional outbursts, cold shoulders, criticism and anger generally do nothing to women’s cause of being understood by the masculine. It is always inside of us and by knowing where to look, we will always be able to bring it forward.
Take your time to read through them and make sure you’re incorporating this alphabet into your life. The second stage evolves from the power struggles but unfortunately can all too easily become sexually unpolarised. It seemed that the world was incredibly cold, harsh and merciless from a very early age. My father arrived home from the Vietnam War when I was 6 months old. My shut down however, was an unconscious coping mechanism I learnt in my childhood to survive from my parent’s emotional disconnection. Being of the camp of people that believes in the possibility of deep inner change and healing, I advocate that we can re-create a healthy attachment bond in adulthood.
For me, however the essence of conscious relationship is all about self-responsibility and choice!
Only through this type of process can we see our own projections that we put on our partner and make a choice… “Do I believe this projection and react out of my unconscious patterns or do I chose to “turn the magnifying glass around” from my partner to myself” (as Susan Jeffers would say!). The way we can tell if it is a reaction, rather than a response, is if the emotion seems to possess us and take on a life of its own. So many people in couple relationships do not simply connect on an intimate level where they allow themselves to see their partner as simply human.
Ironically, the person feeling rejected may desperately want connection, however they do not know how to connect with their partner, often due to communication differences. The only time the word love was even used in their household was when we were getting the strap … “I’m doing this because I love you!” So needless to say, my first introduction to so called love was abuse.


Later I was to know this as unconsciousness… deeply shutdown patterns that blocked them from the life force… blocked them from love! Sometimes I witness my thoughts and their attached emotions, spiral into the old family patterns, but I see them for what they are… simply unconscious patterns that detract me from loving life. Becoming more aware of my unconscious patterns that are triggered in intimate relationship, I can take responsibility for my 50% of a relationship and learn from it.
The idea of opening to happiness through connection, honouring differences and complementing our partners in intimate relationships, is the cornerstone of conscious relationship.
Being in the moment, on the other hand often means coming out of belief, social constructs and interpersonal roles. Our attitudes, communication practices and exploration of real genuine intimacy are also important aspects of creating long lasting commitment in intimate relationship. Ultimately, this is a practice like mindfulness that builds awareness in the here and now. As we learn more about ourselves and increase our conscious awareness of our psycho-spiritual patterns, we are by default learning how to commit to ourselves. But it does mean that we are giving what we want in life our best shot and opening to success. But today I will focus on dominant Western gender perspectives about expectations in intimate relationship. I also hear men saying that they do not know what women expect of them or what they should be doing in intimate relationship. Given we are social creatures and that societies financial expectations are high in the West, this has lead to a whole lot of incredibly stressed men and women looking after themselves.
Women hear men say that women are manipulating and expecting all this stuff in relationships, while often they feel deeply hurt from previous relationships and just want to be loved.
As women, we can only take up the sword of our own awareness and slice through our own unconsciousness. Pushing these projections onto him simply reinforces this wounding which often results in his need for freedom. Dropping our manipulation, imaginary projections and expectations that pressure intimate relationships will help real connection to occur. Mindfulness can help us to practice non-attachment to the thoughts, images, and day dreams of romantic projection. As we meet new people, we do need to know our values and assess whether other people align with those values or digress from them.
It is wonderful when a man gives freely to his female partner, who in turn allows and receives his gifts.
Her understanding is first felt with the emotion held within her body, rather than the thought in her head. While men have been targeted for their lack of understanding of emotional based thinking, in my experience it is women who do not understand themselves that creates the initial problem.
Without validating the emotion and understanding the real wisdom behind her feeling-space, asking her to “self-sooth” her own emotion often lands like a lead balloon. Without this process being conscious, they are giving and receiving emotional validation through direct verbal communication. Women need to learn to surf the emotion, as compartmentalizing it does not seem to work for the feminine. However, my awareness of what these types of connections are in practice has been an on-going experiential journey of progressive understanding. When these men either became volatile, destructive or abandoning, then my abandonment and fear patterns were re-ignited.
Non-attachment is being able to remain in a space of compassion and respond to events rather than react.
The other way we can tell that it is a reaction is if it becomes a repetitive way of acting towards our partner. A lot of people do not stop and simply listen (and I mean REALLY listen) to their partners. So my earliest desires to wake up, become conscious and embrace love originated from early childhood experiences. My dream for intimate relationships is where both people become consciously aware of their own psychological patterns and learn to create love rather than pain. By observing and learning from our own reactions, we can learn to give better to our relationships. However if we cultivate the right beliefs, environment, attitudes and their associated feeling space of what we want to create, then we are giving our desires the best chance of growing.
However, we ARE cultivating this in every moment. If, for example, we say we will commit to a relationship or a marriage and then we neglect our responsibility to see from eyes of love rather than resentment, or to react out of unconscious patterns towards our partner, then it is little wonder that commitment wanes and the relationship eventually breaks down. It is like, the more that we consciously know at a gut level, the more we can only practice that which is for our own and others greater good. It is described as the goal posts are always moving and that it seems to men that no matter how much they try, they are never good enough. This has also resulted in sole parenting (usually women, but not always) being the social norm which disadvantages families and children. Men hear women say that men are useless and are bastards, while often they are carrying their own wounding from relationships and are protecting themselves from being hurt again.
As we are giving the other gender a hard time, we need to remember this context and give ourselves and the opposite sex a break.
As we open to awareness of the projections, we also need to be mindful of maintaining compassion and understanding for the feminine wounding.
The unhealthy expectations and projections that we women hold for men in intimate relationship tend to centre on what we want from them to show us that they love us.
Women are often in the dark about her own emotions which leads to us mis-understanding herself. Rational explanation or logic simply do not and will never suffice to temper her emotional distress or anger. If you watch two men (with a masculine essence), if they are talking they are likely to be talking on a rational basis, or not talking at all. So within women, there is often a battle between rational (socially defined) thinking and emotional body-felt wisdom. Women cannot turn their backs on feminine wisdom, rather they need to learn from her, by learning how to work with emotion rather than dump it on others (or themselves, which only leads to excessive guilt). A conscious dedication to understanding and using these 12 Principles of Greatness will help you on your journey to success.
In the third stage of David Deida’s work is where we aim to re-polarise our sexual essence in respectful, safe intimate relationships. He did not admit to having post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) however, I now know that he did. I concluded that people simply hated me and were going to go out of their way to hurt me no matter what I did.
By default, this involves a sense of inner-security, self-love and stability to be able to remain emotionally centred and not become caught in the hurricane of interpersonal relationship dynamics and intrapersonal patterns. Many miss the person and their inner struggle within their partner because all they can see is their own inner child struggling with mum or dad, or another significant childhood role-model.
By learning how to communicate even when we speak different languages, we can create shared meaning and purpose in our relationships. Conscious awareness is an on-going process that sometimes requires guidance through therapy, self-help avenues and other healing modalities. So how could these two concepts support each other and come together to create a new sense of togetherness in conscious relationship, or success in business, or enhance ourselves? We may agree to enter a sexually exclusive relationship however, it is how consciously aware of ourselves in that relationship and in every moment, that makes or breaks commitment.
If commitment is fuelled with conscious awareness and self-value, then the chances of permanent healthy relationships, meaningful work and a happy, healthy self are maximized. These are generalised and do not pertain to all women, but they are trends in media and Western culture. We want a man who is wealthy, supportive, in touch with his feelings, romantically pursuing us (but only when we want it), and has the ability to take charge of the issues (financial, emotional, relationship and physical) leaving us women feeling completely safe and secure!
Generally they need to protect themselves within masculine culture from judgement, criticism, physical fights and other injuries. We need to forgive ourselves for holding impossibly high expectations for men in intimate relationships.
While men may willingly show their love, they should not be forced into it before they are ready. Disarming the romantic myth of the “superhuman male partner” helps us to see men as real people, and to learn about them for who they really are, rather than our projections that we place on them.
Much of her anger at men may be mis-placed, especially if the man wants to be respectful of the woman and genuinely does not understand her. It is not that emotions are less confusing to men, it is just that women’s connection with emotion is very strong and they can find it very difficult if not impossible to compartmentalise it.
A symptom of PTSD is “emotional estrangement”, which is the shutting down from loving or connecting emotions. However often they lack the everyday intimacy and affectionate connection that may be needed in developing a safe and secure attachment bond. They are often instant and tend to lack conscious thought or awareness, as well as lacking understanding for self and other and compassion. The beliefs themselves, and our emotional attachments those perceptions and beliefs, are strong.
And yet there was no affection, encouragement or half way positive messages about who I was or who I might become. By understanding and appreciating what the feminine and masculine give and HOW they give, we can increase gratitude and reduce resentment. So under this definition, commitment is a process rather than a static concept or doctrine to live up to.
If he is withdrawing from us after a romantic rendezvous, then a good question to ask ourselves is “what is actually happening”? And the sad reality is that a lot of men actually do want their women to feel happy and satisfied and are willing to work towards giving that to their partner….
So when they watch women and how we behave, they may be more aware than we are of our resentment, criticism, and impossible expectations. With unconditional love for ourselves, we can see the thoughts, scheming plans, and the manipulation of men to reassure our insecurities and desires as woman.
This is quite different from realistic expectations that we would want from anyone we know. So as women, rather than pushing the point about commitment with men in relationship, we can learn to encourage a process of allowing and giving to the evolution of the intimate connection itself. So her decision would be based on the landscape of the emotional connection that she felt with the man. All my memories of my father were of this incredibly shut down, depressed, negative, angry man.
An intimate relationship needs to be supportive, loving and stable to cultivate a sense of inner belonging and permanency within the couple relationship. Most of the time we do not know our perceived reality in intimate relationship IS ACTUALLY a projection!!!
Either one could pick up the sword of clarity and self-responsibility and look at their 50% of the relationship dance to help resolve the misunderstanding. This is essential if we are going to shift our intimate relationships from the average, shut down relationships that exist in the sludge of life. For it is the difference between mastering ourselves and our relationships, and perpetuating the living hell of the unconscious relationships of the past. Commitment to ourselves is like embracing commitment to life, we allow in what we thrive on and say “no” to what corrodes or destroys us. Through this connection, each individual can cultivate a sense of stability and love within themselves individually.
It is even more powerful if BOTH choose to work through their respective 50% of the relationship dynamic and fully resolve the conflict.
Or is he saying “I’m not sure if I’m ready,” or maybe he is saying, “I’m having such a fabulous time being single and free!” Perhaps he is interested in pursuing getting to know us but really has no idea whether he wants a relationship.
Recognising our own projections and expectations as women is where we need to start when it comes to connecting with men. In counselling when I have described this process behind masculine and feminine decision making, women often laugh (a little embarrassed to have their operating system described out loud) and the men look at me like I have just turned green!
When we start saying “I don’t think he is the one” while feeling heartbroken and betrayed, because the day after meeting him he has not called to see how we are going, then we women really need a reality check.
They have exclaimed, probably trying to figure out how they can work out anything is her alien mind!



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