07.11.2015

Things they don\u0027t tell you about pregnancy

Lovely symptoms like fatigue, nausea, back and joint pain, constant peeing, constant hunger and being “emotional” (both good and bad) are all considered par for the course when it comes to pregnancy so nobody is too surprised by them.
Here are just 20 of the lesser known pregnancy side effects and symptoms to give you a bit of a heads up (or scare the crap out of you if you’re a teenager that wants to be on a reality show) so you know you’re not alone. You may have all of them to which I can only say, “I’m sorry” and only assume that karma will reward you down the road because you hit a lottery of crap. So sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a faithful trip, that started in this uterus and quickly turned to shit. Once again, your breasts are gung ho about the baby news so they want to make sure everything is ready to roll – they are like an enthusiastic grandmother stocking up on tinker toys – so they turn on the perma high beams and that can be uncomfortable.
Your areolas also tend to get darker, larger and jack up the little sweat gland bumps that will lube up the area when you’re breastfeeding. While both have a bit of a ‘belch’ factor for some women, it’s completely normal so don’t sweat it too much and try to limit your braless, white t-shirt outings if you don’t want to cause traffic pile ups.
Long and short of it is it doesn’t affect your pregnancy in any way so don’t worry about it because it’s perfectly normal. Unless of course you’re not actually pregnant in which case both rabies and dementia can cause excess saliva. Move more, drink water, eat small meals and increase your fiber intake seems to be the suggested course of action. Just don’t use laxatives (or at least talk to a medical provider before you do) because they can screw things up even more and there may be an easier fix before you go that route.
Although it may seem like your body is dropping out of your ass, hemorrhoids are actually veins in and around your rectum becoming swollen and can affect up to 50% of pregnant women. Your growing uterus and increased blood flow is usually the culprit, but both constipation and delivery can cause them as well. Lying down on your side also helps keep the pressure off that area, so cue up a good movie and put in park for the sake of your ass. Whether it’s called acid indigestion, acid reflex or heartburn, it can feel like you’re gargling battery acid and it’s awful.
Thankfully this throat valve goes back to keeping the fires at bay once you’ve given birth. No one really knows what causes the Jimmy legs (see rat study above), but it’s very common during pregnancy and it tends to happen at night affecting the lower legs between the knee and ankle, although, it can also occur in your feet and arms. Stretching, warms baths, acupuncture and massage seem to be the suggested remedies, but also mention it to your healthcare provider because they may want to check your iron levels to make sure you aren’t sporting a deficiency.
Some women keep a food journal to see if something they eat (typically later in the day) is triggering the jumpy legs at night. Pregnancy “glow” is often caused by this internal furnace overdrive so hopefully your rosy cheeks and dewy complexion with distract from your wet pits and cleavage-stream.
Well, it’s from a couple of things, relaxin is one because it’s relaxing the ligaments in your body – including your feet – so they spread out. Your feet make actually go up a size permanently because they may not snap back to their original shape after the baby comes.
If you find your feet, hands and face swells suddenly though, go see your doctor because it can be a sign of preeclampsia and you don’t want that shit.
Your bladder sits right under your uterus so as your baby grows, your bladder can’t always take the pressure (cue R. It is recommended that you avoid sweets (fuck that noise), visit your dentist while you’re pregnant (tell them you’re pregnant so you don’t get an x-ray) and rinse your mouth with water after you throw up if you have morning sickness. It looks like the best way to treat is the same way you’d treat winter skin – lower the temperature in your shower, moisturize, and try not to use harsh soaps, etc. That said, it’s worth mentioning itching to your caregiver – especially if your palms and feet are itchy – because they’ll probably want to make sure your liver is happy.
Heightened sense of smell is a charming pregnancy symptom that many think is cute, unless of course it’s you experiencing it and you’re sitting next to a co-worker that smells like B.O. Whether it’s the roof or the basement, gas usually comes along for the ride on the pregnancy train.
This hyperpigmentation tends to be more noticeable in women with darker complexions but it typically fades after you give birth.


You don’t have to worry about it though – no matter how gross it sounds – and you have the extra estrogen in your body to thank for stimulating all the mucous membranes in your body. Ha ha, alas no, they are delightful little skin growths that pop up in high friction areas like your armpits, neck and under your boobs.
Listen, human bodies are gross – just ask the old man cleaning out his ears with a paper clip at the mall – but rarely do they produce something as perfect and beautiful as a baby. So try to focus on the good parts of pregnancy and less on the crap, and if you’re feeling brave, you can check out the things that may happen after you give birth too. Amy Morrison is the Canadian asshat behind Pregnant Chicken. She started the website when she found out that she could have safely consumed caffeinated coffee during both her pregnancies and she was livid.
When first trimester comes to an end, those symptoms should usually finish and you can enjoy your little baby to come.
Seriously, if you are really itchy, it can be a liver condition called cholestasis of pregnancy. I have one of those big, Walmart special, above ground pools and I swear I was more buoyant when I was pregnant. They left out round ligament pains, and shortness of breath from the uterus pushing up on everything. According to the books, you need about 300 extra calories a day in the second trimester of pregnancy and 500 more in the third. While a lot of women can’t stand the sight (or smell) of their partners during pregnancy, the hormones can also send you the other way. The ones who are too young for kids, or never want kids, or really want kids but are struggling to have them, will shun you. Led by founders Susannah Taylor and Sarah Vine, our editorial team works with our favourite writers and industry insiders from Amelia Freer to Peta Bee and Imogen Edwards-Jones, and with some of the most prestigious brands - Estée Lauder, L'Oreal, Barrecore, Psycle, Chanel - to bring you all the information and inspiration you need for skincare, haircare, makeup, fitness and nutrition in one place. However, there are many (many) more delights that can come along with a positive pregnancy test that people don’t talk about or show you in the movies. You May Have Sore Boobs. One of the first pregnancy symptoms that many women experience is sore boobs. Your Nipples May Protrude and You Areolas May Darken. Ah yes, creepy guys around the world just said, “nice” to this little extra feature. Hormones seem to be blamed for the cause because it’s the go to reason for most things during pregnancy.
You May Be Constipated. You have extra progesterone pumping through you right now and it’s pretty important – hence the name that means “pro gestating” – because it relaxes your uterus muscles so you don’t have early contractions (just to name one of its important jobs).
You may as well commit this phrase to memory because it is pretty much the remedy suggested for EVERY. They can run the gamut from itching to downright painful, but thankfully they usually resolve themselves after pregnancy.
Nothing quite like a pregnant woman walking around looking like she stepped out of a UFC Octagon. You Might Suffer From Leg Cramps. “Arrrgh, son-of-a-bitch leg cramp!” is something you may utter when you’re pregnant.
You Might Get Restless Leg Syndrome. Restless leg syndrome is not dangerous or a sign that anything is wrong, but it can be uncomfortable and disrupt your sleep. You Might Get Sweaty. “Fire up the engines, we have a baby to make!” is what your body is telling your metabolism and hormones, which kicks up your blood flow, which makes you sweat like a whore in church. Your body is also retaining fluids and, to over simplify it, those fluids tend to pool at the bottom of your body (namely your feet) so they puff up.
Okay, there are a couple of things that may not snap back to their original shape after the baby comes but we’re talking feet right now. Your Skin Pigment May Change. Hormones kick up your melanin cells and they produce more pigment which will darken your freckles, areolas and that charming line that runs down your belly called the linea nigra.
Your Vaginal Discharge May Change. I believe scientists thought long and hard to come up with the most disgusting sounding name for the milky white vaginal discharge that often comes along with pregnancy, and I think they did it with the term “leukorrhea”. Stay away from douches and vaginal wipes because it can throw off your PH balance and that can unleash a whole lot of nasty. You Might Get Skin Tags. I was going to cover off stretch marks for the last symptoms, but most of us know those battle scars can strike with pregnancy so I went with skin tags.


She decided that the truth needed to be told about the myths surrounding pregnancy and the crap that goes along with it. Especially in the first trimester and you feel like an uncomfortable stuffed Christmas turkey and look like one!!!
My ex could have given 2 shits that I was on my hands & knees cleaning our bathroom at 8 months pregnant.
Take a look at some old pictures of Kate Hudson, who gained five stone in her first pregnancy. They all look and cost basically the same, but apparently if you get the wrong one it will ruin your life. When you’re waiting for a bomb to go off under your work and home life, you could do without this.
Essentially your body sends a memo upstairs saying, “the eagle has landed” and your breasts turn to each other and say, “This is what we’ve been training for, man! Nausea also is a plausible reason as well because extra saliva is typically the body’s warning mechanism to tell you to get ready to barf. Your intestinal tract actually works very hard to move stuff through, so once they get a little lazy, shit stops moving. Estrogen causes the mucous membranes in your nose to swell along with everything else, so it can cause congestion and even nosebleeds.
Most likely it will be when you finally get to sleep after your heartburn subsides and your nose clears.
This can also turn ugly with acne because hormones can stimulate your sebaceous glands, which can then cause zits. Add a bunch on baby weight onto that and you’re sporting two loaves of bread baking out of your ballet flats. Most sites suggest “clean” and “dry” with a panty liner back up, is the best line of defense, but I like to think we’ve all figured out that universal lady garden tip by now.
These are the little handles that your body makes so angels can hang on them while they kiss your baby goodnight. Thanks Body, you’re like a crazy, elderly aunt that places hummel figurines all over her apartment in case Elvis comes over. I had morning sickness almost my entire pregnancy and I remember dry heaving extra hard that one time and I peed my pants when I did it.
With my first it was so bad, someone told me they didn’t know cpr and she was serious.
It’s so lovely when a nurse comes in and puts her entire body weight on your abdomen after you just delievered a baby! It feels as if you need about 3,000 calories a day, and you want them in refined carbohydrate form. Oh, and you have to order it at least two months before you need it, so you have no idea what said life will be like once you do. Quickest trick to relieve them is to flex your foot upwards and straighten your leg like you’re going to touch your shin with your big toe.
What they don’t always mention is that the control around peeing may be a little compromised as well.
Well, that includes your gastrointestinal muscles, which slows down your digestion, which forms gas. One of my friends knew I was pregnant before I told her because I was having trouble breathing. You can’t use a lot of the stuff that we use to treat them like Accutane, Retin-A, tetracycline, etc.
Wait until heartache comes along with letting go of that miracle you brought into this world. My husband was outside of the bathroom hearing me throw up and wondering what the hell I was laughing about.



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