19.11.2015

Pregnant after miscarriage feelings

With the help of some recent high-profile announcements, we as a society are starting to get better at talking about miscarriage, but when you clock three in a row no one really knows what to say. I've got one healthy child, three consecutive miscarriages, and now a fifth pregnancy that has stuck around to the 20-week mark and is still hanging in there. From a medical point of view, having a miscarriage is unfortunate but pretty common (a fact which is not particularly comforting when you're having one, by the way). For most women week 13 is the time they get to relax as the "danger time" for miscarriage has passed.
My first pregnancy (in 1988) resulted in a very premature baby (27 weeks) who is today a perfectly healthy, gorgeous, funny, brainy, amaze balls human being! The grief and pain from my second pregnancy lives with me even today; it is very much at the forefront of my mind on most days, in fact. Most people think I'm on the nutter side for still (or ever) feeling such devastation over a pregnancy loss so early on. There are several places on our website where you can read how some women and their partners have felt after losing a baby. If you didn’t plan the pregnancy or if you didn’t want to be pregnant, you may find it hard to understand your emotions. Many women – and partners too – find it difficult to be around anyone else who is pregnant or has a new baby. Partners too can have strong feelings of loss, distress and anxiety, yet their needs can go unrecognised. After a miscarriage, you grieve for a person you never knew, and for a relationship that ended before it really began. This is different to grieving for, say, an elderly person who has died, and it can be hard for people who have no experience of miscarriage to understand.
Another way in which grief after the loss of a baby is different to other kinds of grief is that you might be thinking about the possibility of another pregnancy in the future. You may find it helpful to read our leaflet Your feelings after miscarriage and some of the accounts and poems in our Reflections section. Miscarriage and ectopic or molar pregnancy can be unhappy, frightening and lonely experiences for women and for their partners too. Before the miscarriage the majority of partners said they felt ‘happy’, ‘excited’, ‘thrilled’ or ‘delighted’ about the pregnancy. After the loss many partners reacted with feelings of sadness (85%), grief (63%) and shock (58%). Whatever you feel about your partner’s miscarriage, we hope that you can find information, support and perhaps comfort here.
Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage.


Support from family and friends is critical after a miscarriage and chances are you have reached out to someone who has gone through the same thing. Doctors may be insensitive to a mother’s fears without realizing it, since they see pregnancy loss so often. Acupuncture, chiropractic care, prenatal massage, prenatal yoga, and light exercise like walking can help ease the stress of pregnancy after miscarriage. Many women (and husbands too) can disassociate themselves from a pregnancy after miscarriage for fear of attaching to a baby they may lose again. Dealing with pregnancy in and of itself can be a very emotional experience, whether it’s after a loss, your first pregnancy, or a successive pregnancy. Helpful In NESTHealthy and Simple After School SnacksIf you're like most moms, as soon as your child comes through the door after school, you are waiting with baited breath to hear the phrase, "Mom! He was almost four by the time I was finally pregnant with my daughter, so he decided he was having a baby too.
And then got pregnant a third time literally the first time my husband and I could after my D&C. After my miscarriages I tried to remind myself that there was likely a reason the pregnancy was not viable and that my body did what it needed to do.
You will almost certainly find that some people have had similar feelings to yours, and that can be reassuring. You might also find it helpful to use our online forum, where you can share your thoughts and feelings with others. So your feelings about what has happened may be mixed with anxieties about why it happened, whether and when you might conceive again, and if you do conceive, whether you might lose the next baby too. Often expected to be strong, silent and supportive, you may feel invisible, as if your feelings and needs – whatever they are – aren’t that important. 55% had already picked a name for their baby, over half had read a pregnancy book and a third read parenting books too. But nearly a quarter didn’t share their feelings with their partner, usually for fear of upsetting her more or saying the wrong thing. In general, we use the term ‘miscarriage’ to include ectopic and molar pregnancy, just for ease of reading. The thought of losing another pregnancy may be all you can think about during a subsequent pregnancy.
Taking the time to distress and focus on  your well-being is beneficial in any pregnancy let alone a pregnancy after miscarriage. After my first pregnamcy ended in miscarriage my midwife had me come in ASAP for my second. After each miscarriage, my doctor would order various tests, looking for increasingly esoteric problems (thyroid issues, diabetes, blood clotting disorders, celiac, etc.), but everything came back negative.


I had severe ppd with my daughter eight years ago and with miscarriages so I am a bit nervous I won't appreciate him when he is here and squealing in my arms. So, although you will probably find you share a lot with others, it’s important to remember that no one else’s experience of miscarriage will be exactly like yours.
Those who did share their feelings often found that it helped them both through their loss. There are many resources devoted to dealing with overcoming the pain and heartbreak of a miscarriage.
Try taking a break from social media sites and pregnancy forums where reminders are everywhere and focus on your health and the health of your new pregnancy. Know that while miscarriage is more common than realized, most women go on to have healthy, happy pregnancies after loss. The good news is that most people in my situation, with recurrent miscarriage and no obvious cause, will indeed go on to have healthy children. Blood draws every other day, weekly ultrasounds… if I was gonna lose this pregnancy, at least we were gonna learn something from it! I was a ball of nerves for the first few weeks of that pregnancy but by the midway point I was able to relax a little – I hope the same is possible for you. My children are 22 and 14 (I am 40) and were from my first marriage, along with four of the miscarriages. You may feel angry – at fate, at your partner, at other women who seem to have no problems getting and staying pregnant. There are also many online communities via websites and message boards where you can connect with other mothers who are pregnant after miscarriage. My pregnancy ended with a healthy baby boy and I have since heard of many women who also took progesterone and went on to have healthy pregnancies. Whether it is a miscarriage support group or specifically pregnancy after miscarriage, start with your doctor’s office or hospital for recommendations. Instead of “I’m going to lose this pregnancy too,” replace it with “I am growing a healthy and happy baby.” Repeating these words will reassure you and help focus on the little life growing inside you rather than worrisome thoughts. I remember how afraid I was when I was pregnant with my daughter and the last child I lost. If your thoughts are overcome with stress over miscarrying again, please read on for tips on pregnancy after miscarriage.




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