17.07.2014

I want to be pregnant but im scared

I follow and love your blog, but this is a topic I have either missed you addressing, or perhaps you haven’t addressed it. But eventually Keith (it’s usually Keith who is the smart one when we’re in conflict) realized we were being ridiculous. I’m not saying she’s wrong for not wanting more children; I’m just saying that we should never presume upon God. But if you really aren’t educated, then you’ll think that you can get pregnant ALL THE TIME–which honestly is not true. FAM (the Fertility Awareness Method) can be used to achieve pregnancy, prevent pregnancy, or even just help you get to know your body better. I mean, if there is no biological reason, I’m a firm believer in just saying yes to sex and if you fall pregnant, learning to overcome whatever emotional issue there is surrounding not wanting to fall pregnant.
If a man would insist on not using birth control knowing a pregnancy could seriously deform or kill his baby or wife, then it has to be ok to simply say no to sex altogether.
And I have never for one second doubted that I will be even an inch less me, less of a woman, of a feminist, of a baking, travel-loving, active, crazy girl when I finally get pregnant and have kids. Spoken as someone who oddly hasn’t been puked on yet today, but who HAS cleaned puke out of her babies hair. And yes, I feel so guilty for feeling anything less than overjoyed especially knowing how hard it can be for others to get pregnant. I think when people imagine being pregnant, they don’t know to include the part about being tired and needing to sleep more during pregnancy.
The second tri-mester definitely gets easier and once I started feeling her kick it made my pregnancy so much more real to me and it kind of feels like a secret between me and my girl and makes me so curious about this little one. Sometimes I think pregnancy and parenthood are set up pretty well for those of us who need a lot of time to adjust to major life changes. I am one of those people who is fine with babies and teenagers, but terrified of little kids.
I’m (casually) trying to get pregnant and I go back and forth between crying over my period and celebrating it. If you’re ultimately scared that a pregnancy would be a disaster, and think that “disaster factor” makes it more likely, since God always gives you what you’re most scared of, it won’t matter how much you educate yourself.
But I just am not prepared to be pregnant right now, and so I’m going to have say no on these days. There are at least 3 reasons a) He is open to having more children b) He does not like contraception or the condom in particular c) He just doesn’t want to think about it but wants sex when he wants it. We are counselled to learned moderation in all our other bodily tendencies, but sex is to be indulged without limit!


He has been there when I could not move off the couch, and supplied me with endless buttered toasts. Going from the trying to the pregnancy part it’s amazing what completely unexpected and seemingly strange fears can jump up, but this one I remember well. Some days are better than others but the guilt combined with the fear of losing myself and being responsible for another human being is almost too much to handle sometimes.
I am 25 weeks so pretty much 6 months in, and I have to say, I don’t people who love being pregnant, although I totally think a baby is worth it. I like kids just fine, but the over-arching negative message about what would happen to ME and MY LIFE just didn’t seem worth the trade-off.
I had a highly planned pregnancy, but in the middle of the crazy hormones it was really, really, really hard to feel excited. We already have a son, but getting to where we are now was not easy (mostly financially speaking). But no matter what birth control method you use (short of sterilization), there is always a risk. Then, about 4 days before ovulation and 3 days afterwards (that’s actually a REALLY long window, but I’m trying to be super careful here) you avoid intercourse or you use a barrier method. The issue is that he refuses to wear a condom and doesn’t want me on hormonal birth control or to use an IUD.
You can only get pregnant when the egg is viable, and that’s roughly 3-7 days a month.
If you have agreed that you don’t want any more children, then both of you need to be responsible with that, however that may look in your marriage.
So in December, since El argued the insurance would kick in by the time we were officially pregnant, we had sex! So we’re deciding about when to start trying knowing that it could take a long time, but prepared (as much as we can be, which is probably not very much considering the huge mental WHOA) for it to happen immediately. I type this while nursing my three month old, who is the product of a very similarly terrified mother who spent most of pregnancy white-knuckling it. Somehow it helped to have people who didn’t need me to fake feeling a certain way, but were just excited on their own behalf. Parenting toddlers is terrifying, let alone teenagers, but you get to practice parenting on a squishy infant first. It basically moved up our timeline of wanting to get pregnant by only 6 months, but the reality of it has left me going from excited to simply terrified.
He’s old enough that we both know that we want another, and while we are okay financially, we need a bigger place before that can happen.


We definitely wanted to be pregnant and have kids, but oh my goodness that brings with it a lot of changes. Heres to that quiet little voice turning into an excited voice…and for now it is okay to be a little scared too.
He really wants one from his bloodline though, which I drunkenly agreed to, as long as we adopt a child as well.
We gain 10 pounds in the first month–and keep ballooning up to about 40 pounds heavier, even if it’s a low progesterone dose (trust me; I’ve had several family members, including myself, go on low doses not for birth control but to regulate periods. But regardless of where you fall in this debate, I think these answers will apply to all of us. Now many of these sites are trying to help you get pregnant, but the principle is the same.
Thus, there are only about 4 days of a woman’s cycle where she can get pregnant (3 days before ovulation to 1 day after). I realize there are probably other issues going on but I at least wanted to provide some slight reassurance that all is not lost. I am not any less scared but it has become a companion I have learned to live with, I try to temper it with information, and talking to women whose children I admire. And I thought I’d be over the moon finding out I was pregnant when in fact there was more of a HOLY SH!T moment than jumping up and down excited. When I get my period every month, I kind of celebrate because I feel like having children for us would be a disaster right now (health insurance) but then I feel guilty and end up terrified that I will be infertile. And if you do get pregnant, God will be there to give you strength and help you love that baby and mother that baby. But one of your needs is feeling close to your husband, and one of his needs is feeling close to you through a fulfilling sex life.
And big and scary and emotional and bizarre and physically exhausting, and yes, occassionally exciting.
But by simply continuing each day, this has become our NEW plan – and that I think is reason enough to be excited. Knowing that you want something but being afraid of it, I think , is totally normal when it comes to children and families.
Its like a woman with bulimia who eats and eats and then throws it up – pleasure but not the result.



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