01.05.2015

I don want to be pregnant again

I realized that I have a three-part reaction to pregnancy announcements now that I have kids.
But one thing is for sure, pregnant friends, say goodbye to the life you’ve lived up until now. I’ll ask how you captured everything in my head so perfectly, I don’t even know you! The other thing I thought interesting was that Miss Manners or someone made a reference to how LITTLE time there is between the happy union that produces the pregnancy and the pee-on-a-stick time.
3 years later we had sticky-taped our hearts back together enough to try again…and (through IVF this time) suffered a miscarriage at 11 weeks. If we ever manage to fall pregnant with no 2 I’ll be waiting until 20 weeks to tell people and then only people I know. This has been my plan too, when the drive-thru lady at Starbucks starts bugging me to have a second child again (seriously) . In the words of Jessica, “How come when you want to get pregnant it can never happen!


I’m not saying she’s wrong for not wanting more children; I’m just saying that we should never presume upon God. But if you really aren’t educated, then you’ll think that you can get pregnant ALL THE TIME–which honestly is not true. And I distinctly remember experienced parents telling me this same damn thing when I was pregnant (successfully) for the first time. Speaking from experience and a very late 2nd trimester loss, I was glad that people knew I was pregnant because I needed the support system while i grieved afterwards. I feel the same way about the cutesy photographic pregnancy announcements and gender reveal parties. You should really donate if you can afford to and submit a photo with your reason for giving.
If you’re ultimately scared that a pregnancy would be a disaster, and think that “disaster factor” makes it more likely, since God always gives you what you’re most scared of, it won’t matter how much you educate yourself.
I also had a late miscarriage in week 19 and I thought it was very hard to see everyone else be so sad, I had enough with my own grief, I did not want to console my parents for example.


There were only maybe four or five days between when I found out I was pregnant and when I got an abortion. I made the appointment within, like, an hour of reading the positive test. At least I don’t have even a second to think about how gross it is that I just put my hand around a turd.
For me it was hard to first experience their joy of a sibling to our son, and then see them fall from joy to deep sadness when all I wanted was to hide from everyone and cry for myself! And if you do get pregnant, God will be there to give you strength and help you love that baby and mother that baby.




Chances of successful ivf after 40
Help getting pregnant at 39


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