My focus recently, however, has been on the first two adult friendships I experienced: N and R. No matter how many representations of friendship between women we see, we’re told that these relationships are secondary to romance. N read Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan series first, then handed the books off to me, and now R is reading them.
Without them I don’t think I’d be capable of cultivating the vulnerable, honest friendships I now enjoy with other women.
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With Lucy I was a native speaker.” Reading this was the first time I understood why my relationship with N and R is so special.
There’s a laundry list of reasons why, I suppose, but the initial reason was this: I wanted something that represented the way N, R, and I love each other, and Girls was the furthest thing from it.
I think we see a lot of ourselves and each other in those two characters, but there’s no good representation of R in that show.

Without their love I don’t think I would have been whole enough to fall in love with my partner. I remember craving friendship with women growing up thanks to series like The Babysitters Club, the Sleepover Friends, the Saddle Club, etc. It was great to hear their feedback about a previous visit, especialy about how the Rangers raised their awareness of the walks available and of the wildlife that can be spotted in our surroundings.
We’ve speculated that we wouldn’t have been friends if we hadn’t been forced to spend so much time looking at each other’s faces.
It had been billed as these young women loving each other, but there was no real love that I could see. I could turn the three of us into caricatures to try to explain why I believe we’re magical, but that will not get to the root of it. I still keep in touch with my childhood best friend, I have a cabin full of queer folk that I talk to regularly, and I’ve made powerful friendships with women in the last few years. At least, we wouldn’t have sought out friendships with each other, because the three of us are very different from one another. I needed some media representation of my obsession with my best friends, because I wanted to believe that we weren’t impossible. We’ve lived apart for short stretches of time before, but the two of them are off to grad schools in different states, and I am planning to move in with my partner.
They listened to me rehash the same fears over and over, and they never told me how tired they grew of my repetition.

When I would tell my family that I planned to travel with N and R instead of coming home to visit, they didn’t understand.
They are just as precious and formative as the romantic relationships we find in our lives for sure. When I told them that I didn’t foresee getting married, but I imagined I would grow old with these other two parts of my heart, they laughed at me. I want to watch and read about the endurance of friendship love and know that’s what will happen to us. However, we did and still do all love TV, and the joy of us watching a show together is unmatched. The three of us are not the two characters of her novels, trapped by obligations to children or fiances, but we each feel untethered at times, unmoored in worlds of limitations and possibilities.
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