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Author: admin, 12.12.2015. Category: Positive Affirmations Quotes

Logline: In a soon to be closed decrepit, island prison off the coast of Seattle an ancient vampire buried for a hundred years is awakened.
Imagine being locked up in an old, soggy decrepit prison on a rocky island off the coast of Seattle? If that’s not enough, an ancient vampire from China is uncovered from beneath the prison and quickly begins to either consume or turn the inmates into zombies to do his bidding. Most of us know by now even as screenwriters we’re expected to use our words like proper wordsmithies.
The look is meant to show the other character asked a stupid question, but dress it up a bit.
After that, look for ways to improve the quality of the description, adding tension ESPECIALLY, since this is a horror script.
I’ll get into it later, but dropping hints about the island should be much more subtle in the beginning, and not a HUGE DUMP right from the get go. This probably wouldn’t have been such a big problem except for the LARGE CAST of random men. Page 32 – Brandon says a line that, I believe, is intended for Billy, but Peter answers.
The story was okay, and I really had a hard time putting my finger on why I wasn’t absorbed in it, then it came to me.


I kind of knew what was at the end of the tunnel, and knew what was going to happen once the bitten inmate was reintroduced to the prison population, and I had a general idea of who would get away.
The first two pages were a problem though, since I didn’t understand why I was seeing what I was seeing, nor did I particularly care.
We’ve been introduced to character after character after character after character, that when Ryan finally does show up, he just seems like one more body that can be thrown into the zombie meat grinder later. We can COMEPLETELY remove the tug anyway, since both characters on it die, and it isn’t a viable option for later escape. Then the warden being told the folks have arrived for the execution, and her wanting above else to fry the guy. Once the power is out (technically the midpoint in this current version), the plot felt like a Benny Hill bit where the group runs back and forth, each time losing a member or two to the zombies.
The main plot points are there, but I think a GREAT idea would be to give them a clear cut goal of how to get through the prison, then make it dangerous. The boiler room was a nice touch, but maybe a person or two has to go and release a valve to pump the water out of their escape route.
9.) Does the story play to a target audience, and have the elements demanded by that audience?
Page 68 – Ryan is told you can’t walk around the island, so why are they looking for cars to drive around it?


This is a decent story that drags too much in the boring initial parts which then results in later rushing the good parts.
Slideshare uses cookies to improve functionality and performance, and to provide you with relevant advertising. Clipping is a handy way to collect and organize the most important slides from a presentation. Can a prison guard on his first day save himself and a few civilians before the zombie hoard overtakes them and possibly the world?
By the end of his shift, he’ll be fighting to escape the prison with a few civilians before the zombie hoard overtakes him and possibly the world. Havers and Ryan to share some sort of moment, letting us know there’s a potential romance a brewing.
I’d advise the writer to go back and combine some characters, delete some and rewrite the shit out of some of the dialogue.



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