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26.01.2015 admin
Today we spent a few hours doing some interviews with relationship coaches Otto and Susie Collins and infidelity experts Gary and Mona Shriver that will be a part of the package for our soon-to-be-released book on rebuilding trust after an affair, and I was overwhelmed by the fantastic information that we discussed. During each interview we touched on what the cheating spouse could do to help in the trust building process, and Linda and I thought it would be a good idea for me to touch on some of the mistakes I made after the emotional affair that hindered this process. Obviously, I made blaring mistakes all along the way before, during and after the affair, but some of the biggest blunders were made with respect to reestablishing trust in our relationship.  The most important foundation in any marriage. If you want to discover the 24 healing ‘tasks’ that the unfaithful spouse needs to carry out, then you should check this program out now.
I think in some respect they try to maintain that control by becoming angry when questioned or only giving up the information that they feel comfortable disclosing. Yuki, I just wanted to add that in the beginning the cheater feels that he is in control of the situation and that feels powerful, however as the affair continues I believe they realize that they have lost all control of the situation. D, if I knew what Doug went through during the last part of the affair I would have acted differently. I am not blaming anyone but my husband for what happened but there are a lot of desperate and sometime manipulative women out there. I would think that after dealing with her he would get that some women read way more into what is being said or done.
Some would not advise taking these strong measures, but I also called her husband, and they didn’t stop the first time after that. I am waiting and waiting and waiting (probably for ever) to hear him say that he realises now how stupid he has been, how he has put our marriage at risk and how he will watch out in future not to repeat his cheating behaviour and to learn to look in rather than out. Hi John, I think that by having an affair, she has lost her right to much of her privacy as it relates to your marriage.
Two years ago I gave my husband his 2 things he had to provide me with proof of #1 that he did NOT have bastards running around in litters created by his prostitutes and hookers . Just so everyone knows my husband played every single excuse as if he read the same nasty cheaters manual he trickled lies and truth changed his stories so many confusing times yet I do have great recall for things he has said to me while he spun his fantasy. Inspirational quotes to bring a ray of sunshine into your life and help you make it through the emotional turmoil.
Welcome to Infidelity Healing!C Mellie Smith is a former betrayed spouse who was able to pick up the pieces and move on with her life after several affairs rocked her marriage.
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I had to show Linda that I deserved her trust, both with my words and with my actions.  Until she saw that I was acting in a loving and trusting manner, there was no way she could have complete trust in me. Linda’s need to understand why the affair happened overshadowed her need to know most of the affair details.  I was too dumb to know that she needed this information to understand where our relationship went wrong, so she could try to fix it, along with it being a way to help her rebuild the trust she lost in herself. I believe that during they affair the power to control is just as exciting as the affair itself. The affair becomes more serious than they had ever desired, they have lost control of the OP because they want to take it to a new level, the guilt and lies are catching up with them.


My husband said that the last month got completely out of control, far beyond his level of committment. Over the next 20 plus years she wandered in and out of his life when her life was not going the way she wanted it to go.
We are only 4 months past D-Day, we are in therapy but as you know that doesn’t move quickly and since he has some personal issues that have to be addressed first for us it is moving very slowly, and to top it off it was around this time last year that I started to feel like something was wrong in our relationship so it is one of my triggers that I haven’t figured out how to deal with yet! I believe it opened up her eyes to the mess she created and how she can play a part of becoming what the manual calls “a Successful Rebuilder”. I will say, the OW’s husband had a good idea, although he never followed through with it because my husband came back home. I have 3 D-Days with my husband, and we are trying to work things out, but it’s still hard, after 9 months. Looking back now (3 years later) I feel like I gave away my dignity and self-respect by doing just about anything to hang onto my marriage and family. I compare this affair to cancer, if a doctor said you only had 8 weeks to live, would you be miserable or would you spend the rest of your days loving?
I want him to SAY it, to enunciate in words, not just deeds, that he is fully aware his behaviour was totally wrong and that he endeavours not to hurt me in this way ever again.
We all live in the same vicinity, and there was a local race he signed up for a few weeks ago with a group that I knew about.
Things seem better for me at times, but there is a constant, underlying vein of distrust and heartache that doesn’t go away for me. I realize that sometimes in work situations that can be difficult, but it really is important that there not be. After more than 3 ddays I quit trusting his story I started texting myself his responses I killed my first phone with no memory left its a sad part of his story. Click the Button Below to Download the Top 60+ Marriage and Infidelity Quotes (PDF Version) that you can print and save.
Rosie for Autograph Summer Rose Eau de Parfum is a light, easy-to-wear twist on the rangeA’s original fragrance, with jasmine and lily of the valley. The hardest part is allowing your heart to trust again as it hurts so badly to have the trust broken. He still lies to me sometimes, refuses to answer me sometimes, and says we shouldn’t have to talk about it anymore. They are doing whatever they want to do without anyone intervening and telling them what they should and should not do.
By making the betrayed spouse feel bad about themselves or their ability to be a good partner gives them the advantage and the ability to control the situation. She remarried within a year after their divorce and is still married to the same man today. I am the crazy controlling witch because I get pissed that he says hello to the women he works with that he really doesn’t need to interact with at all. It’s not my fault that he decided to have 6 EA’s all with women who work for the same company as he does!
He was going to get everyone in a room–family members, etc, and have his wife and my husband explain to everyone why they were choosing to cheat and risk their families in the process. It happened during what should have been one of the best times in our marriage, and I thought we were on the same page, but things crashed and burned instead.
He has missed so many opportunities to show me he is completely devoted to me and wants me to completely heal (such as defending me to his family when it matters), and I feel just as bad now as I did a few months after the 3rd D-Day. I found out her husband actually caught it 2 months in & confronted them, by they continued on until I caught it in the 6th month. Her best lady friend, who helped filter sext messages and hide the affair, has continually told her (and me) that I was invasive and overreactive.
I’ve not run across a situation yet where a reader has had an accomplice help the cheater. Call me a bitch call me an abused wife I call myself a survivor and this sewer shit will be the beginning of a new me .I am safe from stds and sti and whatever other nasties he had contact with.
My story is I am not him I am not to be used as his excuse for not having character and morals .
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National Championship titles, and, in 1979, stood atop the skating world as the World Pair Skating Champions. So, when do you trust yourself enough again to allow your heart the possibility of being hurt again by someone else’s actions? Of course this is all speculation on my part, however I feel that it is something that could spark some discussion.
So possibly they try to regain their power by attempting to control our emotions and recovery.
He would ask her to stop calling, then she would call 10 minutes later and he would answer. I imagine that the cheater rarely tells their spouse that they got in way to deep and don’t know what to do, however I think about how that could have changed our recovery.
She has had countless EA’s and sexual affairs with not just my husband but other men over the years and she believe she has not done anything wrong! Or I get upset that he sits next to one of the women everyday in their daily meeting at work.


Everyone is disappointed in her that she wants to leave me for someone else and not leave me for me. The weather was bad, so he chose to not go, but I looked up the race results and she did participate.
The EM has ended, the other couple is taking counciling & trying to make a go of their marriage. I would have to say that her friend is obviously not a friend of the marriage and cannot be trusted, and is filling your wife’s mind with destructive thoughts. The stories have all changed morphed into total disgusting whore filled emptiness he has shown he was an immature immoral lying serial cheater an abuser of ME I am NOT a child or a useless hooker I am a real woman wife mother sister daughter aunt great aunt grandmother I am a mother of 8 children 2 of these beautiful blessings have fatal genetic diseases I have has to learn to be nurse doctor physical therapist physiotherapist occupational therapist speech therapist I had to learn to do chest PT to flush IVs to run IVs to flush infusaports all these I did while raising my kids while Breastfeeding them while having 12 miscarriages I also dealt with cervical cancer while pregnant these I did mostly alone with No help from my husband .
I know he chose to be less ,less of a man ,less honest ,less loving, less than the man I love.
I was amazed by her and saw how beautiful skating can be, so I decided I wanted to try it again.
I think it bothers him that his behavior caused me to not trust him, but rather than accept that he brought it on himself, he gets mad at me for my lack of trust.
I asked my brother in law this question and his response was,”would you rather live in the pain you feel now or in the happy you once had?
He knew that he was screwed at this point, even when he knew that he wanted to end the situation.
I guess the cheater doesn’t realize all of this until they are removed from the situation. Without going to extremes, if there is someone who would support you on her side of the family, it may be time to tell them.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and providing a place for people to share their stories. I don’t believe he was trying to meet her, but WHY would he put himself in a position where he could have run into her? Can you address further why transparency is essential, and also your feelings on “the no-contact rule” as it applies to the affair partner and accessories to the affair? She needs to be avoided as well, and I strongly feel that your wife should have no contact with her.
As a star of Ice Capades during the 1980s, the beauty, grace and poise she displayed on the ice was in sharp contrast to her personal challenges that included an addiction to alcohol that led her to rock bottom and a 1988 suicide attempt. He was screwed because he betrayed our trust first and foremost and did not know how to make it better. Obviously, if this is a best friend, that probably ain’t gonna happen without a fight. He’s been rather passive in the relationship since D-day, so unlike his usual domineering ways, except for these increasing angry outbursts over the trust issue.
I find out she has a secret cell phone, by the way you cheaters are STUPID, and they are talking about this whole new life together. I think you need to set some rules and some boundaries that your wife needs to adhere to in order for you to start to rebuild trust.
She was pissed off at my husband because we got engaged and he didn’t tell her before he ask me??? I am with someone who I can’t trust or depend on him to be open honest faithful trustworthy and the pain he chose to inflict on me and our family is pure unadulterated hatred for the fact I am not less nor will I ever lower myself to be less than I am.
Choices are being made by two people who actually think their decisions won’t affect the rest of us and both sets of kids. I know that for a couple of months after Dday he did everything to hide the affair, then he eventually broke and started providing details and passwords. She has laid everything on the line for this guy and of course he has hesitations and tells her what she wants to hear.
The OP was talking about leaving her husband and pressuring him to leave me, it was spinning out of control and he couldn’t handle this alone.
I have asked her not to talk to me about the conversations she has had, since it is them who have to end the EA.
If the cheater could only see the consequences of their actions before they began we would all be in a better place.
Is she trying to reconnect with me because she see’s her fantasy turning into a reality or do my actions push her away? I told her that the only thing I have to say to her is in regards to our marriage of 16 years, the kids, finances, and the household.
I want my marriage, but I don’t want to be second best while she is waiting for this other person to commit.
She hasn’t shown any sign of wanting to end this EA, even though it is out in the open. History tells us that many cheaters won’t leave their wives, but I think this person might actually do it.
Maybe this wasn’t the right thread to post this, but Does anyone see a similar pattern to my story that can relate and offer suggestions?



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