As I allow the disappointment to get as big and painful as it needs too, something happens that has happened many times in my life during difficult experiences. It is good to remember the joy of him running across the yard, small frog in hand and joy in his face, panting as he recalls how challenging it was for him to catch it. As I began to ride the bike, it seemed a bit big for my frame and often my back hurt after riding a long distance, so I chose to buy a new girl’s bike. Sometimes I will be playing golf or tennis, rushing around running a project, working to beautify my yard; but sometimes I’ll simply be choosing to “Be” and for me that will be enough.


Many days and nights before had been extremely cold so the stream had frozen ice sculptures everywhere with running water painting different shades of gray under its surface as the moving water touched the ice in various ways.
He was free and it was spring one year and four months after his first healthy choice in a very long time. What I have never written about is how difficult and how painful it was to be the Mother of a dying son, and what Life was like for me when I could no longer touch his physical presence. Depending on where you stand, they are framed by the sky above, or the garden below, or by the giant stone arches of the porch.


But what stood out during his memorial service, as one after the other went to the lectern to speak, was his love for his wife of 34 years.



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