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c h i k k a
l a u g h t r i p
ILLUSTRATION
KIT KAT MAINGAT
Tim Tayag shares some tips on how to stay out of
anyone’s worst dressed list
Dress code
for dummies
I LOVE IT
when a fashionista answers the
question, “Who are you wearing?” with
“Oh this? It’s just something I threw on.”
But she’s wearing a gown — with feathers.
I’m no fashionista. My fashion sense is
basically this: if it smells okay, I’ll wear it.
However, I live by some rules that have
allowed me to survive the harsh world of
style critics, mainly my wife. Don’t ask me
who made these rules, I just live and will
die by them.
Don
,
t wear plaid shorts
with striped shirts.
If your pants have a pattern, then your shirt
should be solid and vice versa. The only
time you can break this rule is if you’re a
clown, which I’ll end up becoming if this
stand-up comedy career doesn’t pan out.
Wear light-colored pants
during the day and dark-
colored pants at night.
It’s a very simple guide. Follow it. However,
not everyone can pull off white pants.
So far, only European men and German
Moreno, who could be part European,
have managed it. European dudes can
also pull off bikini swimming trunks,
kissing other men on both cheeks and
driving pink scooters.
Don
,
t wear basketball
jerseys at the beach.
Women hate this look. Trust me. They just
don’t want to be mean by telling it to your
face. But if you’re foolish enough to wear
that red 23 Jordan Chicago Bulls jersey on
the beach, prepare to be a laughing stock.
Besides, no one’s going to mistake you for
Jordan; we all know he’s not 5’5” tall.
Ladies, don
,
t wear a shirt
over your bathing suit.
Men hate this look as much as you’re
disgusted by our jersey-on-the-beach
look. The only time I imagine this would
work is when you’re not wearing anything
underneath. And it has to be pink, not
brown — if you know what I mean.
Skinny jeans are for
skinny people.
No explanation needed here.
Never wear red sneakers
with a green shirt.
Unless you want to be called a Christmas
tree. I speak from first-hand experience and
have the scars to show for it. Be careful
with your color combinations. Red and
yellow, for example, might bring to mind a
certain fast-food chain mascot.
Tapered pants are in.
But sometimes they’re not. I have no clue
who decides or when it happens. Better
ask your girlfriend, your wife or German
Moreno. Same goes for pleats, tucking in
your shirt, the no-sock look and folding the
bottom of your pants.