HEMISPHERESMAGAZINE.COM
•
NOVEMBER
2012
•
ILLUSTRATION BY ALEX EBEN MEYER
19
DISPATCHES
DESTINATIONS ADVENTURES FOOD&DRINK
THE LIE-IN
AT THIS ANNUAL U.K. COMPETITION,
DISHONESTY IS THE BIGGEST VIRTUE
Mike Naylor calls himself a “very honest”
person, though he allows that this may
not be true. The 50-ish animal health
adviser also claims to have invested his
prize money as two-time winner of the
World’sBiggest Liar competition sowisely
that he is now a wealthyman. First place
in the contest pays about 40 bucks.
“
Ah,” says Naylor, “but I also came in
second twice!”
Now approaching its fourth decade,
the contest is held inCumbria, a ruggedly
picturesque county in northern England.
It entails standing onstage at a local
pub and telling tales that are amusing,
compelling and blatantly untrue. Naylor
took second last year with the story of an
irradiatedCumberland sausage thatwent
on a Godzilla-like rampage.
But, he says, there’s
more to it than the
ability to spin a yarn.
Here, a few of his
hard-and-fast rules.
PLAY IT CLOSE
TO THE VEST.
“
EVERYONE KEEPS THEIR
NEXT STORY A SECRET.
NO ONEWILL TELL YOU
WHAT IT IS. AND IF THEY
DO, IT’LL BE A LIE.”
LIE HONESTLY.
“
WE HAD THIS BLOKE
WHO TOLD A STORY THAT
HE’D COPIEDWORD FOR
WORD FROM A COMEDY
ROUTINE THAT HAD BEEN
ON TELEVISION THREE
NIGHTS BEFORE. THERE
WAS A BIT OF A RIOT
THAT NIGHT. HE GOT
BOOED OFF THE STAGE.”
MAINTAIN
INTERNAL LOGIC.
“
I WONWITH A STORY ABOUT
SHEEP FARMING BEING ON
THE DECLINE, FORCING US TO
FLOOD THE VALLEY AND GO
INTO FISH FARMING INSTEAD.
ALL THE HOUSES WERE UNDER-
WATER, SO FOR PEOPLE WHO
WANTED TO KEEP PETS WE PUT
CATFISH FLAPS IN THE DOORS.”
DON’T UNDERESTIMATE
THE LOCAL TALENT.
“
PEOPLE COME UP HERE AND THINK
WE’RE YOKELS. ONE CHAP CAME
INTO THE PUB WITH THESE FANCY
BINOCULARS AND SAID, ‘THESE ARE
SO GOOD THAT I CAN SEE A FLY ON
TOP OF NAPES NEEDLE,’ WHICH IS
2,800
FEET UP THE MOUNTAIN. THE
PROPRIETOR GOT OUT HIS RUSTY
OLD BINOCULARS, POLISHED THEM
WITH HIS TIE AND SAID, ‘YES, I SEE IT
TOO, AND IT ONLY HAS ONE EYE.’”
