Zipper Line
The fastest route down a trail of moguls, the traversing of which
requires that a skier will deliberately negotiate perilous bumps in the
pursuit of peer approval.
For most, Switzerland’s Zermatt needs no introduction.
It boasts some of the highest, most adventurous and
most diverse trails on the planet. It also tends to attract
those who like their slopes bumpy. Zermatt is where the
big-time mogul skiers come to train and race. There are 23
miles of knee-jerking, teeth-rattling trails here—about 10
percent of the resort’s total—and they are not a good place
to be if you don’t know your stuff. Zermatt spokeswoman
Lorena Donnabella, revealing a
wonderful flair for understate-
ment, says that these slopes “are
not usual,” that “you will find
some difficulties” and that
“
you should be a good
skier or snowboarder if
you’d like to enjoy the
mogul piste.” Got that?
XC
(
or Cross
Country)
A form of skiing whose
gentle pace fools people
into thinking it’s a gentle
pursuit, a misconception
that invariably leads to
leg cramps, lung seizures
and bickering of the “Slow
down, will you!” variety.
So you want a change
of pace and have
decided to give cross-
country skiing a shot.
Wonderful. First, you’re going to need the right equipment—
because while you are unlikely to suffer serious injury engaging
in this low-velocity activity, shin splints are a constant threat.
Fischer Cruiser cross-country skis
(
$190) are lightweight and
durable, and bristle with special features: “wide-body technol-
ogy” to keep you upright and a “single/double crown climbing
system” to keep you moving. They also boast a “bulletproof”
surface, presumably for those cross-country moments when
skiers get really, really frustrated with their lack of progress.
Yard Sale
A phrase that smug bystanders tend
to call out when a particularly spectacu-
lar fall leads to a skier’s hat, gloves, skis,
poles and dignity being sca ered down
the mountainside.
When you finally come to rest
at the bottom of the slope, sans
gear and resembling a pow-
dered doughnut, conventional
wisdom suggests collecting
your belongings and strapping
in for another go. You don’t
want to be a noob forever,
right? But for those of us who’d
rather nurse our sore limbs
and ego with a massage, a soak
and, say, a traditional Japanese
meal and a smoke in a Havana-
inspired cigar lounge, there are
places like the stately Alpina
Gstaad, which debuts Dec. 1
as the first five-star property
to open in the ultra-exclusive
Swiss Alpine village of Gstaad
in 100 years. Here, the luxuri-
ous off-mountain amenities
will alleviate any feelings of
inadequacy. After a markedly
dramatic spill, there’s the
4,300-
square-foot Panorama
Suite, complete with private
spa treatment room, outdoor
hot tub and sweeping balcony
from which you can heckle your
former detractors between sips
of cognac as they hobble off the
mountain at the end of the day.
Y
102
NOVEMBER 2012
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HEMISPHERESMAGAZINE.COM
