58
DECEMBER 2012
•
HEMISPHERESMAGAZINE.COM
culture
||
THEMONTHAHEAD
“
I HAD SEEN THOSE BLOBS OF ADOLESCENT PROTOPLASM
GROW INTO THE MANIC DUSK OF THEIR TEENAGE YEARS,
SCORCHED, UNDONE AND BROKEN APART BY PRIVILEGE,
FREE MONEY, ALIENATION, DISORDERS OF THE MIND AND
CONGENITAL ENFEEBLEMENT.”
—
From
Me and the Devil
,
a sulfurous pseudo-memoir from American novelist,
biographer and critic Nick Tosches.
dec. 4
MovieMadness
Hollywood o en requires audiences to swallow large and laughable
implausibilities, but three films coming out this month seem tailor-made
to stick in the craw. Whichmade the results palatable—and which didn’t?
Even at his most somber,
Murray always seems to
be repressing a smirk. The
role of America’s great
wartime president surely
deserves something more
...
presidential.
(4
out of 10)
Despite his health prob-
lems and the near-collapse
of Western civilization,
Roosevelt was a funny guy.
In this regard, Murray hits
all the right notes, even if
he doesn’t go for Streep-
like verisimilitude.
(8
out of 10)
Roaring in outrage we
could buy, but having
the Unshaven One croon
seems like the worst
idea since Kevin Costner
cleared his throat to
musical accompaniment.
(3
out of 10)
Crowe manages a limp
Elvis Costello drawl,
overaccenting at times in
order to sound American
(“
take” becomes
“
tuayke”), but nothing
that makes you seriously
consider self-harm.
(6
out of 10)
A
West Side Story
tale in
which Jim Sturgess and
Kirsten Dunst fall in love
despite literally coming
from different worlds: one
where everyone’s rich,
another where all are poor.
(1
out of 10)
The posh world is located
directly above the shabby
one, allowing for surrepti-
tious handholding and
placing Dunst’s character
beyond reach only in a
socioeconomic sense. Eat
your heart out, Karl Marx.
(0.0016
out of 10)
Bill Murray
plays FDR:
Hyde Park on Hudson
(
DEC. 7)
Russell Crowe
sings:
Les Misérables
(
DEC. 25)
Plausibility of
Original Idea
Plausibility of
End Product
NEWWAVE
Floating a different kind
of music festival
If you were to chart the relative
coolness of every activity on
earth, you could be reasonably
confident that “cruise ship con-
cert” and “desert music festival”
would occupy opposite ends
of the scale. Which makes S.S.
Coachella cruises a bit of a puzzle.
The first two set sail this month
from Fort Lauderdale—heading
for the Bahamas and Jamaica,
respectively—with live music
by such indie darlings as
Pulp,
Hot Chip, Yeasayer, Sleigh Bells
and former LCD Soundsystem
mastermind
James Murphy
.
In lieu of bingo and ballroom
dancing lessons, meanwhile,
there are DJ tutorials and pub
crawls. There’s no telling whether
it’ll be the biggest maritime coup
since the mutiny on the
Bounty
or a supposedly fun thing no one
will ever do again. Either way, the
possibility of running into Jarvis
Cocker in the buffet line has to
count for something.
Bahamas,
Dec. 16–19; Jamaica, Dec. 19–23
COURTESY CELEBRITY CRUISES (PULP); FOCUS FEATURES (
HYDE PARK ON HUDSON
);
UNIVERSAL (
LES MISÉRABLES
);
TRANSFILM INTERNATIONAL (
UPSIDE DOWN
)
Star-crossed
lovers occupy
parallel worlds:
Upside Down
(
DEC. 10*)
WATERMUSIC
Pulp hits the high seas
A
B
C
*
AS OF
PRESS TIME
