17
may
SAY “GRATULERER MED DAGEN!”
That’s “Congratulations on the
day” in Norwegian. Celebrate the
country’s national day by booking
a ticket to our latest destination,
Bergen, the country’s second city
and gateway to the fjords.
Flights from Gatwick from 20 May. easyJet.com
MUST WATCH
Guaranteed power
ballads, pyrotechnics
and outrageous outfits:
who doesn’t (secretly)
love Eurovision? Watch
all the results from
Malmö on 18 May.
T H E J O U R N E Y
15-26
may
BE LAUDED AS A GENIUS AT CANNES
You may not get your hands on a
Palme d’Or, but if you’re in town for this
year’s film festival, here’s how to fit right in
Stock up on pretentious
soundbites
In Cannes, you’ll find movie hacks
spouting silly critical aphorisms are
everywhere. Don’t bother seeing
any films. Just go around saying stuff
like, “Cahiers du Cinéma’s critique
exposes the existential anomie
inherent in Haneke’s oeuvre” and
you’ll fit right in.
Indulge in shameless
attention-seeking
Brigitte Bardot’s ingénue bikini
shots, Madonna’s Gaultier conical
bra, Borat terrorising la Croisette
in a lemon-yellow mankini: nothing
gets Cannes’ paparazzi flashbulbs
popping more than a nudity-based
publicity stunt. Don more than one
for the authentic wow factor.
Act like a genius
Movies which force film-goers
to ponder, “What the hell was
that about?” as they leave the
cinema are always hailed as
celluloid masterpieces by Cannes
cognoscente. See Palme d’Or-
winning flicks Tree of Life, Dancer
in the Dark and last year’s mind-
befuddling Holy Motors.
Likewise, geniuses rarely speak.
They just look creative. Promise
the world a masterpiece, rename
yourself something mysterious
like Vladimir Priest, before
haughtily pacing la Croisette
dressed in a bathrobe.
Make a (political) statement
Cannes loves political bedlam
–
see Jean-Luc Godard and
François Truffaut shutting down
1968’
s festival or the adoration for
Michael Moore’s anti-Bush polemic
Fahrenheit 9/11 in 2004. Want
guaranteed popularity? Barking,
“
the jury are brown-nosing capitalist
stooges” should work…
Be like Jennifer Lawrence
Did you notice how
everybody adored her
when she stacked
it at February’s
Oscars? Clumsiness:
it’s the new black.
stuff we want
RECORD YOUR TRIPS
We love this map-shaped
corkboard. Pin up pictures of
dream destinations for
inspiration or smugly push pins
in ticked-off destinations to
impress your friends.
£19.95; prezzybox.com
ILLUSTRATION
MIKEL CASAL
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