LOUNGINGONWHAT IS
essentiallyafloating
sectionalcouch, Iholdacoldbeer inonehandanda
cheese-ladencracker in theotheraswechugquietly
aroundabusyharbor inNewportBeach,California.
Passingasealwhohaswedgedhimselfonto
thebackofabuoyedboat tonapdeeply—withno
apparentregard forpersonalpropertyorbusiness
hours—myboatmates’ conversation turns toagener-
aladmiration for theurban-seal lifestyle.
Whydo theyspend themajorityof their lives lei-
surelyswimmingorsunningseasidewhenwe—who
aresupposedlysmarter—rarely“get” todo thesame
activities, andwhenwedo, themalesofourspecies
wearanuncomfortablenetting inourshorts?
Thesesortofepiphanieshityouwhenyou’re
riding inaDuffyboat, theworld’smostrelaxingsea
rig tonevergo6milesanhourbecause itsengine isby
designnotpowerfulenough.
NewportBeachhasareputation forbeingquite
fancy.This ispartlybecauseof itsseaside location in
OrangeCounty,municipalhome toaneponymously
namedrealityshowaboutwealthyhousewivesand
aneponymouslyabbreviated teenagedramaabout
teenagedrama.
And it’spartlybecause,well,NewportBeach is
quite fancy. I’vespentpartsof this trip, arrangedby
the local tourismboard, touringfive-starvillas, select-
ing ingredients froma freshmargaritabarand jutting
outmy lower lipknowledgeablywhenaserver tells
mewhere theoystersare from. It’sbeenglorious, and
Iregretnothing.
ButNewportBeach’struesoul, I’vecometobelieve,
has littletodowithglitteratiorthesun-soakedangst
depictedoncableprogramming. It’sthisunassuming
electricboat, createdandnamedaftera local inventor
nicknamedDuffyandcheaplyrentable forhoursof
shoppingorbarhoppingontheharbor. Itsmaxmiles
perhourmatchestheharbor’sspeed limit:5.Thegolf
cartof theseas,navigating itonlyrequiresaregular
driver’s license,and itwillfitallofyour friends—or
noneof them, ifyou’reahouse-
wifeupsetaboutwhatHeather
saidaboutyourShihTzuon
the lastepisode.
Oncehome toJohnWayne,
NewportBeach featuresa
recreationalneighborhoodon
itsBalboaPeninsulaofficially
named theFunZone,which
means if there isamajor
crime in thatarea, localcops
will radio: “Allunits to the
FunZone.”It’sa townwhere localsaredividedon
whichshophas thebestBalboaBar—arectangleof
icecreamonastick, freshlydipped inchocolateand
rolled in toppings—andanother localdelicacy is the
deeply impractical frozenchocolatebanana.
Inasea-salt townasunpretentiousandchillor
ashigh-societyasyouwant it tobe, theDuffy— to
paraphrase
TheDarkKnight
— isnotonly theboat
thatNewportBeachneeds, it’s theboat thatNewport
Beachdeserves.
We toolpast thepalatialhomesand thegiant
yachtsof therichand famous.ButIdon’t feel jealous
untilwepassadocked littlerigwithaproudpaint job
andagreatname:
TheDuffinator
.
THELASTWORD
130
OCTOBER2015
AMERICANWAY
TheDuffyLife
Floatingaroundwithadrink inyourhandandnocares in theworld
Navigating itonly
requiresaregular
driver’s license,
and itwillfitallof
your friends—
ornoneof them.
BY
JOEMURRAY
