ILLUSTRATION
KYLE T. WEBSTER
THESTARTINGGATES
areabout toopen.AsIsit
atopmysix-footanimal, cowboysareengaged in
furiousrope-relatedactivitywhileyellingques-
tionsdesigned to limit their liability in latercourt
proceedings.
I’m focusedon thedemeanorof theracingbeast
underme.NamedDesertDesperado,hestomps
his feetandgnaws theairwithgiganticyellowing
chompers, a far largerandmoreerraticanimal than
thosebeingstraddlednext tome.
Great. Igot thecrazycamel.
Irememberwhatoneof thecowboyssaidearlier,
inaspeechwhich touchedon topicsranging from
whethercamelsspit—no,but theywill regurgitateon
you— to legalprecedent inpersonal-injury law.
“Youcanbackoutof this thinguntil thegatesopen
oruntil thegatesare in theprocessofopening,” the
cowboyhadsaid.
Iwatch thegatecreakingopenandamabout to
openmymouthwhen thecamel lurches toabumpy
sprint, andIamsplayedagainstahump, grippinga
duct-tapesaddleandwonderinghowmy life took this
turn.
Thenightearlier, Ihadflown toReno,Nevada,
anddriven to the formerboomtown/currentsleepy
burgcalledVirginiaCity. In thedayswhenyoucould
becomeenormouslyrichbywinningaminingstakeat
ablackjack tablebutnotremember itwhenyouwoke
upsmelling likewhiskeyanddonkey thenextmorn-
ing,VirginiaCitywashome to25,000people.
Now, 140years later, itspopulation is less than
a thousand,but theanything-goesGoldRushvibe
persists, fromhaunted lodging—Istayedat theGold
HillHotel,where long-deadminerscanreportedly
beheardweepingatnight (but theWi-Fi issuperb)
— toasalooncalledBucketofBlood to,nonsensically,
camel races.
Jockeyscome fromallover torace thesewell-
kept, softandundulating, surprisingly intrepidand
hilariouslyorneryanimals—and theirgoofy-looking
brothers fromanothermother,ostriches— ina local,
56-year-old traditionofmurkyorigins.
Thepageant includesamediarace,which iswhy
Iam trying torecall thedetailsof
myhealthcoverageasImaintaina
white-knuckledgripon theangry
animal that isDesertDesperado.
Iamso focusedonstaying
ahump thatI forget tosteer the
reins, andhalfway through therace,
thecamelbrakesandstartscasually
perusing thesandbelowhim.Asa
result, the twocamelsracingmine
stopaswell.
Since thecontestappears tobeover,oneof the
camelsdecides toeject thatpeskyhumanstill sitting
onhisback.
It furiouslyattempts tobuckaRenocityreporter
from itshump. It’sallmy fault.He isyanked tosafety
bycowboys.Theremaining twocamelsstartrunning
again. Iwin thesilvermedal, andalthough it’snot
Champagne in thewinner’scircle, Ihelpmyself toa
second-placeCoorsLight.
Thesorenessgoesawayafteracoupleofdays.Not
so for thegashonmychest, incurredmysteriously. I
hope thescarsticks, soIcanshowmygrandkids the
wound incurredwhilstracingcamels.
I’llprobablynot tell themabout thecityreporter.
THELASTWORD
130
NOVEMBER2015
AMERICANWAY
Reno’sChurchillDowns
Whywatchhorseracing inKentuckywhenyoucanracecamels inNevada?
Sincethecontest
appearstobeover,
oneof thecamels
decidestoejectthat
peskyhumanstill
sittingonhisback.
BY
JOEMURRAY
