F
S H A H I N T A K E S O F F
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AMERICANWAY
NOVEMBER 1 2008
ILLUSTRATIONBYAMANDADUFFY
fried-turkey thing in thefirst place. And I
appreciate your feeling that if an oven-baked
turkeywas good enough for thePilgrims, it
shouldbe good enough for us. But I don’t
think the problemwaswith the fryingper
se; itwaswith the operator, i.e., me.
I knownowwhichway to turn “the little
thingy” on the propane so that I don’t turn
up theflame to Incendiarywhen Imean to
turn it down toSimmer. It’ll befine. Really.
From:
To:
Subject:
RE: TurkeyDay
Why am I so hyped up about the fried
turkey?Because of the fried turkey I had in
Louisiana years ago. Remember? I told you
about itwhenStephanie and I first started
dating, and you saidwewouldnever last,
and I said you always say that, and you
said, “Yeah, and?” and then I hung up, and
we didn’t speak again until Christmas Eve,
whenStephanie leftme for the bikerwho
worked as aSantaClaus at JCPenney. I still
remember her on the back of his bike, her
blond hair and his Santa capblowing in the
wind. And as they disappeared, my cell rang,
and itwas you.Man, thatwas a roughpatch.
Anyway, the fried turkeywas amazing.
I’m telling you, it’sworth all the hassle
(maybe not the third-degree burns, ha-ha).
And everybody’s doing it. It’s themodern
way. Remember those equations from high
school?Here’s one: A fried turkey is to a
baked turkeywhat an iPod is to a record
player.
From:
To:
Subject:
RE: TurkeyDay
I know youdon’t have an iPod,
Mom. That’s kind of the point.
From:
To:
RogerH1@
rr.com
Subject:
Mom
Mom’s a little skittish about thewhole fried-
turkey thing. So I don’twant to hit herwith
mywhole idea. Iwas thinking thatmaybe
wewoulddo aCajunThanksgiving this year.
Somethingdifferent. As you know, Teddy is
down there, going to college. So I thought
maybewe’dmake him feel at home— his
newNewOrleans home.
Of course, he says he’d just as soon stay
down there. But I think he is just beingnice,
trying to save us a fewbucks on airfare. And,
no, before youbring it up, I don’t think any
of this has todowith the argument about
his girlfriend last Thanksgiving.
Anyway, he has adifferent girlfriend now.
And she is not, fromwhat I can tell, a lazy
good-for-nothing.
So, wherewas I?Oh yeah: themenu.
I thoughtwemight have jambalaya and
gumbo andboudin instead ofmashed
potatoes anddressing and cranberry sauce.
Whattaya think? Linda, do you know how
tomake jambalaya?Now, don’t getmad.
You always get somadwhen I ask you to
do something youdon’t know how todo,
but you alsogetmad if I don’t include you.
You’ve been thatway sincewewere kids. If
youdon’t know, don’tworry. I’ll figure it out.
So, Rog, you’re coming in, what,
Wednesday?Will yoube carrying your
BlackBerry on your trip here? I thought
I’d e-mail you along thewaywith a scotch
update. Imight get somethingdifferent from
what youbrought last year. Don’t getme
wrong; I liked it. I especially liked the label,
with the drawing of the guy sleeping on the
sidewalk. But I thoughtmaybe this year
we’dgowith something other thanKentucky
Slumber.
Oh, you can see themenu onmy Facebook
page. Just tellmewhat you think bywriting
onmyWall. And, Roger, that doesn’tmean
graffitiing onmyWall. Ha-ha.
From:
To:
LindaH111@aol
.com,
Subject:
Thanksgiving
We decided to just order everything from the
supermarket.Make it easy. And, believe it
or not, theirmac and cheese is not half bad.
Besides, Thanksgiving is about celebrating
family. HopeUncleSiddoesn’t get drunk
again this year. Just in case, we hid the
darts.
By JimShahin
From:
To:
LindaH111@aol
.com,
Subject:
TurkeyDay
Hey, guys, we are sooo looking forward to
you coming for Thanksgiving.Mom, I know
last yearwas a little traumatic. Iwant to
say, again, how very sorrywe are about your
dress catchingfire. First time deep-frying
a turkey. It just didn’t occur tome that the
flameswould jump the pot, catch the rented
tent, and leap to your hem theway they did.
Especially since youwere running so fast. Oh,
well. Live and learn.
Linda says the burns have healed so that
you canbarely see them, except for one long,
oval-shaped scar around your knee. Hey,
maybe you couldpaint it and tell people it’s
a surfboard tattoo. Thatwould throw ’em,
huh? (Just kidding.)
Anywho… I think this yearwe have it
figured out: No tent (obviously!).We’re just
going todo it in the open and hope it doesn’t
rain. Jeanne is concerned about low-hanging
limbs. I say they’re not that low. Besides, if
somethingdoes happen, at least this year, it
would happen to a tree, not aperson. Ha-ha.
I got afire extinguisher just in case,
though.
From:
To:
Subject:
RE: TurkeyDay
Mom, I know youwere opposed to thewhole
AModern-TimesThanksgiving
