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If this image belongs to you or is your intellectual property, please submit a copyright notification instead of reporting it. We encourage users to report abusive images and help us moderate the content on We Heart It. A long-winded, wafer-thin metaphor is as irresistible to a music journalist as the pin number to someone else’s voicemail is to a tabloid hack.
Glastonbury is, of course, the King, or in the case of our current matriarchal monarchy, the Queen; which is apt not just because of the high camp factor that suggests, but also because, just like Our Liz, Glasto is still resolutely in place after all these years despite the ravages of nature.
The young upstarts include The Secret Garden Party, which shares traits with Zara Phillips: pretty, exuberant and not averse to a bit of rough.
We cover a wide selection of alternative music, covering everything from Indie to Electronic, Hip-Hop to House, Rock to IDM, and Folk to Electro. Freedom of choice isn’t a minority value just because the majority doesn’t agree with the minority’s choice. I know it’s a go-to pose for Kim K, but the leg-crossed thing makes her look like she has to pee. Great, simple tips that definitely increased my confidence in my ability to take a pregnancy selfie! But please keep in mind that reporting images that are not abusive is against our terms of service and can get your account blocked.
So it was that when trying to think of a suitable way to vividly express the experience that is Latitude festival, I came across the idea of comparing music festivals to members of the royal family, and their respective places therein. Similarly part of the old guard, Reading is surely best represented by the aged, piss-soaked, offensive but still sometimes entertaining Prince Phillip. Whilst Prince Harry is the perfect metaphor for the Camden Crawl which, with its urban location, is good fun and modern, but slightly tedious and really only half a festival, anyway.

Here, I imagine it’s unlikely that you will be woken by the pitter-patter of a coked-up dickhead pissing against your tent as his pregnant girlfriend screams obscenities at him for drinking all the Stella.
But it has to be said that, whilst by no means dull, Latitude isn’t massively exciting either. But my problem with Latitude is that this niceness permeates everything, and great entertainment - just like great art - needs a bit of danger. We are always keen for people to get involved, so if you want your views on our blog just give us a shout!
Please give us plenty of notice for press releases - we recommend a month to be able to get articles up in time. If this guide at all aides you in your quest for the ultimate pregnant selfie, email me your proudest snap so we can publish them.
Use of the web site constitues acceptance of the Defy Media Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. They lived for lazy days like this, when neither had to work and they could spend the entire morning in bed, worshiping one another’s bodies with kisses and caresses and the press of hot mouths on skin, tasting, touching, always wanting more. Blaine sighed, wrapping his arms more firmly around Kurt until Kurt’s back was pressed against the warmth of his chest.
And just like Princess Anne, the V festival is dependable, proper and polite, though utterly soulless and generally forgettable.
The corporate presence is pleasingly under-stated, and the vibe of the place is resolutely friendly, even when drunkenly stumbling through pitch black woods at 5am. Neither will you find yourself being bombarded by marketing messages promising personal fulfilment as you sit, teeth-grindingly bored in a dull field watching a generic line-up of identikit bands as they plough through the same old shit in exchange for a go at the corporate money trough.
This is evidenced in the musical line-up, which is reasonably diverse and eclectic, but neither is it exactly inspiring.

The math pop of Everything Everything, who seem to have had the 'next big thing’ tag for centuries, went down a storm, as did the acoustic dub step balladeer Ed Sheeran, whose inexorable rise continues unabated.
And I haven’t mentioned any of the performances from the other arts that I witnessed.
In other words, if you are looking for a blog about X Factor, then you are in the wrong place! You’re not going to find yourself sat round a fire talking about the meaning of life to a person who looks like the lovechild of Yoda and Lady Gaga.
This being a music blog, I instead spent the available words on the long-winded Royal Family metaphor that began this prattle of prose.
However, for those who expect something more exciting for the arm and a leg that festivals cost these days, I’d advise looking elsewhere. You don’t have to be a grinning idiot if you don’t want to (although this is a perfectly acceptable time in your life to be one! Neither will you be dancing your tits off to some ear-bleedingly loud, fucked up mash-up of 14 different dance genres without a care in the world or any idea of how to get back to your tent.
And how could anyone possibly complain about standing on a beautiful hill, drinking cider whilst being entertained by the stories of Seasick Steve?
And Suede, whilst full of energy, gave evidence of why some singers should be allowed to have an autotune machine on stage. For everyone else, I’ll see you at the back, in my fold-up chair, with my pipe and slippers.

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