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I went to visit my mom today (wonderfully reformed boundary stomper) in her posh gated community.
She threw her car into reverse, and waited for me to pass her, attempting to get into the gate behind me next, which I prevented. When it takes everything, EVERYTHING, not to laugh when some old lady notices I'm pregnant, and proceeds to bitch incessantly about issues she has with her DIL. I wonder what the weather is like on her planet, because I don't think she's getting enough oxygen. You point out to your mother that her friend is not in fact the sweet little grandma she claims to be, but is in fact a boundary stomping psycho. ETA: my inlaws aren't horrible but since i have known them since i was 16 htey tend to see my (and my DH) as children - sometimes we have to remind them that hey we're all grown up. Also, I've used terms like BSC, unicorn, boundary stomper, baby rabies in my everyday life, and people just look at me like I'm nuts!
Unicorn has become a part of my daily vocabulary, and I call my dad a DuH when talking to my mom.
This internet site provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. I violated the name insult rule when I was 21 and my friend was pregnant with a girl who she planned to (and did) name Payton. I was desperately trying to take a nap (my husband and other family were watching the baby) when a visitor came over and her kids yelled, ran around and threw toys the whole time and she didn’t even try to stop them or settle them down.
Haha, I can see Kara’s influence in the first paragraph, I don’t remember you normally cursing on your blog! OH and I had to ask my MIL’s husband (my husband’s stepdad) to stop kissing our baby while he had chewing tobacco in his mouth! For the love of God, DO NOT touch the baby’s mouth and hands with your germy fingers! Back when my friend, Kaity, had a baby, I hadn’t seen her since graduation (about three months), and called to see if I could visit. I enjoyed the sentiment but hated the tone of this post – came across as pretty harsh veiled in trying to be funny at times. I debated on responding for the fear of flaming (not from Caitlin but from others) but kind of felt the same way reading this.
I know you were intending for this post to be tongue-in-cheek, but it actually just came across as both incendiary and passive aggressive against those in your own life (disclaimer or not, clearly something in your own personal experience caused the need to vent).
I think everything on this list comes back to two basic qualities: respect and sensitivity. I don’t EXPECT people to clean but if they want to come over and HELP, you help by doing something the mother or father cannot do or does not have time for – that does not include cuddling the bebe! I understand, but usually the entire reason for visitors coming over after a baby is born is to see the BABY.


I think the post was intended for people to be more aware of their own behaviour and to question themselves before entering someone else’s home. I finally had to gently (tried to be gentle at least) tell her that I wanted a little independence so that I could learn to do things on my own. Another rule involves hospital visits… If you are going to visit the couple at the hospital DO NOT stay long at all! Rule #7: If the mother says, “I think the baby is hungry,” that is your cue to hand the baby over. My husband & I joke that my FIL (yes, my FIL) will hide in the bathroom to take pictures when I go in labor with Baby J to capture the event. When my sister had her second baby (her first was a toddler) I walked in and she was (2 days post difficult home birth) in the kitchen hacking at a butternut squash to make dinner for her toddler.
The security is very good, gates drop behind each car, I'm afraid not to floor it through them, even. Having to pull a poker face instead of throwing a chair at someone for saying they have rights to their grandchildren is reaaaallly hard. Well at my hospital you have to have an appointment to be let in (buzzed in) and if not you have to be approved to be let in and if you're approved to go in than a nurse will come escort you onto the triage maternity floor. I walked up to the phone, picked it up and told the nurse that I had an appointment so she buzzed me in.
Further, that her DIL is tying to move across the country not to get closer to her own FOO, but to get away from her pushy MIL. I said if you want to help a new parent, don’t monopolize the newborn and overstay your welcome. I hated the name and told her it made me think of the Payton in the movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle who was a psycho killer. This list is so true, and should be handed out when you announce that you are expecting (to friends and family…and maybe strangers too!). Our family lives 6 hours away and my MIL is obsessed with wanting our baby to think she is the best thing to ever walk the earth. I needed this for my ex-mother-in-law, who (among other things) cut the nipples open on my newborn bottles because she didn’t think the baby was getting enough food. She jumped at the chance for company, and was stunned when I offered to hold the baby while she got something to eat.
I think a lot of these rules apply specifically to the couple weeks or so mom and baby are home after the birth. I don’t think it precludes a mom having a conversation with you about your behaviour if she doesnt like it.
I had to tell my inlaws when the baby was hungry multiple time before they would give him to me and then trudge upstairs with stitches, a baby, and a drink to nurse him. My MIL was literally in the first-row seat when my bro in law’s wife delivered their baby.


When I was walking in the woman that was waiting outside the door ran in behind me to get onto the floor. Seriously, I think it would be extremely hard to find a mom or dad who would rather their Uncle Bob hold their two day old baby for half a morning. Now even if someone planned to name their child something that made me nauseas I wouldn’t say a word.
I really want to drive the 2 hours away to see one of my BFF’s new babies, so this was really helpful, especially the 30 minutes max and taking out the trash part. I’m not yet a mother, but I know many friends of mine have been really surprised at how intrusive family members become when a baby arrives. They see me all the time, they’ve never seen my little one before, so I let them dote on them. Instead my mother and I took over so she could sit down and not hemorrhage all over the place. She then proceeded to cut in front of me to get behind the person going through the gate, and missed it.
I looked at her like she was crazy and told her that she can't come in unless a nurse escorts her and she says, "I've been here plenty of times, they just don't recognize me yet!" I was like wtf is that even supposed to mean. Caitlin was just trying to convey the frustration of thoughtless behavior when there’s no room for extra stress in your life. There are mothers who have been doing this for a long time and we should value their advice. The woman took off towards the birthing rooms and I walked to triage and let my nurse know what happened.
If you truly want to help a new parent, do something they can’t because they are bonding with their child. Instead of handing him back to us, she walked down the hallway into her bedroom so we couldn’t see her. All Caitlin was saying is have a little sensitivity and bring food if you want to come over (seriously!). All I could think is how bad I felt if this lady was a boundary stomper barging her way in and how I let it happen. You can never get the first few days back and moms especially need that time for healing, breastfeeding, and bonding. I’d rather it be someone else so she doesn’t have any memories deep in her subconscious of mommy biting her digit if that were to happen!



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