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Just last week, I was given the green light to have my frozen embryo transfer this coming Friday. While I keep trying to tell myself that the likelihood of lightning striking twice is rare, I still can't help but be concerned that I'll lose my next pregnancy too. I breezed through the first trimester with ease, so I'm feeling pretty good about getting through that period again.
It will be strange to put on the same maternity clothes that I wore during my last pregnancy.
I can't help but feel a little as though getting pregnant again means I've forgotten about my twins. My biggest fear is that I'll have a hard time connecting with this pregnancy out of the fear that I might lose the baby again.


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But I'm nervous about what it will feel like to hit 17 weeks, which is when I lost my twins, and whether I'll feel less anxious after that or if I'll worry my entire pregnancy. I remember how weird it felt to put on the sweater I wore to the hospital when I lost my twins for the first time again. This fertility journey and all the appointments, procedures, and medications have put me a bit out of my comfort zone, but I know it's what I must do.
I'm also worried that I'll be so preoccupied with "making it through" this pregnancy, that I'll forget to enjoy it. And because of my second-trimester pregnancy loss, this next pregnancy will be deemed high risk so I'll have appointments at my fertility center until week 11, then a 12-week appointment at my regular OB, then a 15-week appointment, a 17-week appointment, a 20-week appointment, and then an appointment once a week, every week, until the baby is born.


But these past two mornings, I’ve woken up feeling very anxious and nervous about getting pregnant again.
This next go-round, I'm worried that I'll compare every little difference, taking away the special-ness of my next pregnancy.



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