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Summary: This CGI-loaded haunted house flick can't figure out what type of movie it wants to be. The story centers on math teacher Arthur Kriticos (Tony Shalhoub) and his two children Kathy (Shannon Elizabeth) and Bobby (Alec Roberts). In fact, Maggie’s mere inclusion in the film completely undermines the backstory given to us in early exposition. Speaking of folks who fell off the face of the Earth after the early 2000s, Matthew Lillard (Scream, SLC Punk) also plays prominently in this film. The array of ghosts at the film’s title are definitely the most interesting part of this ride.
Clint Davis Clint Davis is a Cincinnati, Ohio-based journalist who dropped out of film school to write news!
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The lesson of this picture is to spread that pony’s jaws, fire up the flashlight and look VERY CLOSELY. The Kriticos clan are supposedly broke, based on the extremely heavy-handed dialogue in one early scene inside a cramped apartment. She made a living playing 16-year-old girls in several big hits in the late ’90s and mercifully, I believe Thirteen Ghosts was the last time casting directors tried to make that leap.
After Thirteen Ghosts, he made Ghost Ship in 2002 (which I saw in theaters on a high school date but remember very little about) and was never heard from again.
The human characters are powerless to defeat the angry spirits, left only to hide behind enchanted barriers and try to elude the ghosts whenever they encounter them.
Each has a title, reflecting their past life or the method of their death, and a unique look to go along with it. The Great Child & Dire Mother are a creepy-as-hell combination of fat man in a diaper and his shriveled-up mom, The Hammer is intimidating and brutal, The Jackal features the flashiest look by floating around with a mangled cage on its head. There is a live-in nanny character named Maggie (rapper Rah Digga, in her only role to date) that is completely forced into the script to serve as comic relief but unfortunately she has nothing funny to say. Aside from the various ghosts, Lillard is the best part of the film, playing maybe the only character you’ll actually end up caring about.
There are a couple of grotesque deaths that may make you laugh but there’s relatively little blood and guts in Thirteen Ghosts.

My favorite though is The First Born Son, a child dressed like Mike Teavee who looks like he was killed during a game of William Tell. I love you.” Show of hands if you ever heard any sibling say that to their adolescent brother? However, Cyrus’s home turns out to be an occult device, housing the souls of a dozen pissed-off ghosts for a sinister plot.
These characters are what keep you watching but unfortunately there aren’t any real scares in Thirteen Ghosts, not even any cheap jolts that I can recall. He walks around with a suit on all the time, holding a cane and not taking any shit from the ghosts he ensnares.
Bourne) is sliced neatly in half, height-wise, by two sliding glass doors, leaving his insides on display like a museum exhibit.

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