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admin | inner peace quotes | 14.10.2015
Having ADHD means that it is likely that I have let someone down previously and I don’t want to do that again.
Today I invite you to join me in remembering it’s OK to say no, and our world (or other people’s worlds) won’t fall apart because of it. Say no even without a detailed excuse—“This isn’t the right fit for me” is perfectly valid.
Is there any way to e-mail this to a friend who really needs to read the articles on this wonderful site? 2) If I say “No” I will hurt the other person’s feelings and it will undermine the relationship.  If we have high needs for affiliation and connection with others, here’s a mindset shift: What if my connection with the other person would be undermined if my “Yes” builds resentment inside of me? 4) Give them appropriate reasons.  If there are specific competing priorities, you can share these with the other person, but make sure you reassure them emotionally first.
Understand that being able to say “No” is a leadership practice.  It’s like when we first learned how to ride a bike, we were a bit sloppy at it. I have concluded that what defines a leader today is not so much their ability to say “yes”, but their ability to say “no.” Learning how to say no can be life-changing.
When we know who we are, what our gifts are, and what our calling is, it’s easier to determine the “yes’s” and “no’s” of life. Make sure the person knows that you’re not choosing the easy response, but that you want to genuinely help them. I want to do the exercise with FCCLA chapter students that was in one of your Habitudes books. It’s one of the hardest words to say in the workplace – especially as an intern, when you’re out to impress and the idea of having to tell colleagues you can’t do something may feel like raising a red flag of ineptitude. How many times have you found yourself swamped by work, yet saying ‘yes’ to extra responsibilities and tasks?
In my experience, there is so much anxiety around the implications of using this monosyllabic monster that it is easy to forget that sometimes it’s okay to say ‘no’. This fact has taken me a long time to learn, and is one which I am still getting my head around as I sit here typing.
Reschedule: If it is something that can be done later in the week, offer to help them out then if they still need assistance, and once you have a more manageable workload.
Finally, don’t be scared to hold your ground; if asked again, simply reiterate that you’re currently unable to take anything else on board until you’ve gotten through some of your tasks. While saying yes seems like an easy answer for the reasons above, it’s not necessary the best answer all the time. There are many other things I have said no to in my life and that I continue to say no to on a regular basis.
It’s an ongoing process to learn how to say no, and it can be easy to tough to get started.
Many people thought it was a big loss to quit my up-and-going career in a Fortune 100 company back in 2008. Once you know what your vision is, it’ll be extremely easy to say no, because now you have a clear reason to do so.
We normally say yes to the little requests streaming in because it may seem like a small deal.
You can keep saying yes to errands, requests, and calls for help, but you’ll never be able to live the life you want.
I believe that time is more precious than money, because while you can earn back money, you can never get back time. Use the appropriate medium to communicate the message – face-to-face, instant messaging, emailing, SMS, phone call or even others. I consider this a luxury problem, because it is an honor that people trust me to open their hearts, tell me their problems and ask me for advice, over the other people in their life. Where people would like to have 1-1, full-on attention and coaching, they are invited to sign up for the 1-1 coaching sessions, where they can get started in about 1-2 weeks time.
I think if you face the situation where too many people keep asking you for help and it’s just overwhelming you, make yourself less accessible. If you’re not keen on the request, delaying your reply is a way of showing lack of interest. In 11 Tips To Effective Email Management, I mentioned not replying emails in itself is a form of answer. Other people’s priorities end up being my priorities and then I wonder why I struggle with overwhelm. I tend to say “yes” so I can make it up to them, not certain when the inconsistency of my brain might interfere.
That saying “no” does not mean I am unfriendly, unsocial, not “good” or not a team player, or not competent. Feeling guilty means we are stuck between two things that are important to us- like wanting to help others, but needing to take care of current responsibilities.
I often say no after saying yes and feel like I’m developing an unreliable reputation. Thanks for your post and I’ve quoted you in an article I was working on this week about the same subject. It’s possessing the skill to sniff out what fits into your wheelhouse and what would be a distraction. As a leader, when a task would not further your team’s goal, you are a steward of that team’s time, resources and talents and you are embezzling from the team if you say yes.
Communicate that your time constraints would prevent you from doing the kind of work they deserve.


Give them confidence that they can do it, or suggest someone to them who would be better than you to do it, in terms of available or gifts.
It’s the list of things you want to do in your life that comes easy, but the effort to write the list of what you need to do less of that comes with more difficulty. Either through fear of appearing rude or selfish, or because we strive to earn our place by doing what’s asked, when it’s asked, even to the detriment of our quality of work and ourselves.
I am your classic ‘people pleaser’ type, who will take on extra responsibilities and work until I’m getting three hours sleep a night in order to keep on top of everything. Rolling your eyes, ‘talk to the hand’ and incomprehensible screaming generally tend to leave the inquirer in bad spirits.
Everyone has experienced ‘to do list’ overload at one time or another in their career, and so the explanation is best in its simplest form.
A respectful rejection will ensure that no feelings are hurt and that you don’t rub anyone up the wrong way.
I run Personal Excellence, which has evolved into a trusted blog with over 1 million pageviews per month (as of Oct ’11).
I love the people around me more than they know, so much so that if there comes a point where the friendship is no longer compatible for us, perhaps it’s time to walk our paths and pursue our individual life journeys. While this doesn’t happen all the time, I get potential clients who are not good fits with the coaching. While many blogs tend to milk the money’s worth out of their email lists, this is not really my top priority.
To stay on for another 1, 3, 5 years would only put me in the same position with respect to pursuing my passion 1, 3, 5 years later – at ground zero. The clearer you are, the easier it will be to say no, because now you will know exactly what you want to say yes to.
There’s a reason why top executives, despite managing large companies and businesses, can have time for themselves, their families, friends and work all the time, while some people who are always busy day-in and day-out never seem to progress in their life situations.
With every small request taking up 15 minutes, a few of such requests a day will easily suck up hours.
After all, you can say yes once, but you can’t possibly say yes for the rest of your life just to appease one person. My 1-1 clients get the highest priority, since they are paying for the service and they’ve shown real commitment to invest in it. There is still a lot of streamlining I can do for my communication channels today because I still get a lot of stray requests here and there, and I’ll continue to experiment moving forward.
Write out everything that’s on your mind, which includes what you really want to say to the person. I’d still like to finish it by this month if possible, as I know many are eagerly waiting to see the final product (I am!). We maxed out pre-orders in the first hour of launch, and over 200 copies sold in less than 2 weeks. I'm Celes and I'm here to help you achieve your highest potential and unleash your magic to the world.
Or I forget that I have already committed to doing two other “some things.” Remembering to use, let alone check a planner, takes constant vigilance.
This difficulty setting boundaries, being OK with saying no is a challenge many adults with ADHD face.
Give their idea affirmation, but explain that it doesn’t fit with your calendar or current responsibilities. My best advice on how to say no is to tell him or her that you wouldn’t add as much as value to the opportunity as you could at the moment. At one point during my fulltime degree, I was working 3 jobs, doing volunteer work and acting as news and comment editor for the university newspaper.
Unfortunately interns get a rough ride as they’re easy targets and too many are afraid to say no. It happens when they see the coaching as a magical solution to all of life’s problems without having to do anything, when they are not willing to put in the due work to achieve their goals, and so on.
I’ve been on email lists where the bloggers keep blasting sales messages on a near weekly basis, and it really annoys me. They see themselves as less important, that their time is dispensable, that they are not valuable. If you don’t say no to things you don’t believe in, then who is going to say no for you? To me the real loss would be if I had continued on staying in a job which was not going to lead me to my dreams. Think in terms of months and years, and think of all the years you’re letting slip through your hands. While these stem from good intentions in us, the thing is most of these fears are self-created. Sure I felt bad in that instant where I said it, and sure the person must have felt disappointed, but it was never as bad as I thought it would be.
Email is great because you can write out the message, then send and not have to worry about it, until you get the reply. And while I’d love to address as many of them as possible, it has become a problem when there are more requests than can be humanly addressed. I have switched to using a Facebook Page rather than a Facebook personal account, so that there’s no inbox to check.
In my workshops, I help everyone on a group level, after which I redirect them to my 1-1 coaching and my blog if they want detailed attention and help.


Instead take a longer time to revert (as your schedule permits), be more concise with your replies, and limit your availability. By then the other party would know that I’m not very keen, and they would not be so persistent in their responses as well. Running PE, I often get pitches from other businesses or bloggers to review products, services, events, among other things.
This is meant as a one-stop guide to saying no, so bookmark it so you can keep referring in the future.
After that, I’ll be staying there for a weeks to meet friends, while working remotely in HK. I have discovered that for me, committing to two things at a time is doable, we call that multi-tasking…right? Being OK with saying no, setting boundaries, allows us to take care of our own needs and really be able to give fully the next time when it works for us to say “yes”.
What if I can position my “No” as a way of showing how I keep my promises to those I have already committed to? Her corporate clients include Coca Cola, UPS, Nestle, J&J, and others who know female leadership talent is good for business.
As well as this, don’t lose sight of how important personal time is – it’s okay to take work home sometimes, but try not to make a habit of it.
Hard work is great, but knowing when to prioritise and say no to people is a brilliant character trait in it’s own right. I leverage on whichever mediums appropriate to help others grow, be it writing books, 1-1 coaching, blogging, training, and in the future, possibly my talk show and more. That’s what it means to live life to the fullest, via maximizing every moment we have, doing things we love, and things which are important to us.
I protect my readers and my email list (those on my newsletter) with my life, and I’ll only send out messages that I deem of highest relevance. If you don’t say yes to your goals and dreams, then who will help you say yes to them? And hopefully with this guide, you’ll now know how to say no to others in the future. I was very clear of my end vision, which was to help others grow and live their best lives, through different mediums such as my blog, training, coaching and others. My purpose and passion was the most important thing to me in my life, and there was nothing I would rather do in my life than that. In such a scenario, there’s even more reason to say no so you can let the other party know exactly where you stand once and for all, vs. Many times we continue to be on good terms, if not better, because now the relationship had become stronger from the experience. The channel I direct all enquiries to is the contact page on PE, which has a simple list of instructions on what to do, depending on the nature of your request. If I try to reply to every single one of them I wouldn’t have time to do anything else. Please also share this resource via Twitter and Facebook (sharing links below) if you have found it useful. My 1-1 coaching clients are international and done through Skype, while blogging just requires an internet connection, so it’s all good. I’m still sickish with a blocked nose and slight fever but feeling better compared to last week. Or things other people expect me to do…in addition to what I already have to do or want to do.
And yet another part of me also feels saying no possibly means burning bridges with others, and I don’t want to jeopardize my relationships with them. While it means losing out on revenue for the month, I’d rather earn the money from helping people I know will definitely reap the rewards. When are you going to learn how to say no for real, so you can finally say yes to your dreams, and most importantly, to yourself? I only engage in activities that have the most relevance to my needs, and in everything I do and take part in, I’ll give it my all. Instant messaging lets you see answers in real time while giving you the chance to craft your messages before sending them out.
For the most part, I don’t handle personal emails anymore, which has cut out a large chunk of my emails from the past.
Whether it’s because I want to be liked, seen as competent, like to have many interesting projects going at one time, or simply because I said “no” last time, there is tremendous pressure to give into other people’s requests, and say “yes”. This was why it was so easy for me to make the decision, because I knew what was at stake if I continued to say yes to my current job. And to think that I was worried earlier for so many things which didn’t even come to fruition! While you may start out confused on how to say no, the answer will start formulating itself mid-way through your message.
Continue typing and it’ll soon be clear on what you actually want, and how to say it. I quit my full-time job and started to pursue my passion from ground zero, starting with this blog.



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Comments »

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