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admin | inner peace quotes | 06.12.2015
In every arena of life whether it's at work, with family or any other social interaction, one thing's for certain: eventually you'll have to deal with a difficult person - here's how to do it with style. Kenny Rogers gives the best advice on dealing with difficult people (the video is fast-forwarded to the most important part). By changing your attitude you go from being a reactive victim, to a proactive person with options – you always have a choice about how you behave.
Your difficult person behaves the way they do because it gets them the results they want, or they just don’t know how to behave differently. Right now it may not seem funny, but from some perspective, maybe looking back at it years from now, it will be.
Often changing your behavior is just as powerful as changing your attitude, and it’s something you can do pretty easily.
Next, you need to know their behavior type – difficult people can be broadly categorized into a number of different types. Covert-aggressive; finds your weaknesses and uses them against you behind your back, and with well-aimed shots in public. Both books will give you specific strategies for dealing with the different types of difficult people you encounter, and are well worth the read even if there are no difficult people in your life yet.
If you can answer yes to this, if you can handle difficult people with style, by sticking to your values and your personal code of conduct, then you will look back at the time you spent with them as the fire that helped to forge your character.
Good luck, or better put, welcome to your new life cuz u can’t fail with this type of knowledge that i just shared!
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Wedding Series Part 3: The Personal Trainer - To Invest or Not?Welcome back to part 3 of the Wedding Chronicles! The Lingerer – He stops by daily to ask a question then settles in and starts telling you about his day – including what he ate for breakfast and who he sat next to on the train. There are some blatant ways to give the message you are busy: headset, closed door, pile of papers on the only chair. The Bully – They ask you to do things even though they are not your boss, they patronize, put you down, yell, insult, mock, and intimidate – especially in public. The bully at work is a little more difficult than the one from high school, since telling on them isn’t necessarily the first step – but don’t rule it out. Michelle Tillis Lederman, CPA, MBA, PCC, author of The 11 Laws of Likability and Heroes Get Hired, is the founder of Executive Essentials, a training company providing communications and leadership programs which she has done for Fortune 500 clients, universities and nonprofits. Instead of judging, Kaufman counsels business owners to try to think about how to serve someone who’s in a difficult situation. In accordance with the mission of the Albert Ellis Institute to promote emotional and behavioral health through research, practice and training of mental health professionals in the use of Rational-Emotive and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (RE&CBT) as a comprehensive, evidence-based psychotherapy, the Institute is pleased to announce the next phase of expansion by the launch of two new treatment and research centers. There are myriad types of difficult people, and sadly, they're an unavoidable part of life. It's tempting to focus on how aggravating a difficult person is, but it will actually be more useful for you to engage in some self-reflection. When you're dealing with a difficult person, it's tempting to want to push back in some way. When we did a recent survey about the impact of your husband’s behavior on your own emotional situation, the results show a consistent perception of not being loved, or worst feeling openly rejected.
We have proposed here that in order to preserve your sanity, you need to drop all attempts to change him.
We all have a mission in life, something larger than us that gives our lives a sense of meaning. I’m inviting you to see yourself from this vantage point of view: What would you like to be, if you could use your energy, brain, skills and endurance to that purpose? The most interesting point of my proposal is that, once your mission becomes your focus in life, and not your husband long wished for changes, he is left without the most basic reason for his behaving like a difficult child: you are not there anymore to validate that behavior!
If this suggestion resonates with you, then perhaps you are ready to think on how to redesign your life plan….towards more happiness, self-confidence and emotional security? My husband has already been diagnosed with major depression on top of his passive aggressive nature.

Having more joy is no silly project: will make you feel better and surround your chronic illness with a cloak of invisibility: you would focus only on the joy! Recovering your self-esteem, being able to respect yourself and to find people who truly appreciate you is a life-saver….Staying put has a terrible price! Up until the moment when you are strong to leave him, your immediate focus has to be becoming stronger yourself. I actually dont know how to move forward as the energy it takes to be in the relationships is enormous.
I have little money and depend on him and to get away from that I have to have self esteeem to build my own business up. My thought is why be married to someone you can’t share your physical or emotional life with? How would you work on this if you had a chronic illness and so your life (work, social, leisure etc) is v limited? Coach Nora invites you to be part of her YouTube community, so you can share and receive the support and solutions you need for a better life! The reason why they’re difficult in the first place, is because they learnt, from a young age, that those types of behaviors get them what they want. Of course, getting to the point where you’ve truly changed your attitude is going to take some work on your part, but isn’t it worth it for your emotional health? A more direct and lasting approach is to simply say, “Mornings are my most productive time.
Take a subtle approach with, “Hey, I am not sure you realize that your voice projects, and I wanted to let you know – especially if you are having a private conversation.
Career development expert Jamie Graceffa provides managers and employees with the tools to build a stronger relationship. What is it that he or she is concerned, disturbed, or upset about that’s leading to his or her behavior?
Ellis discusses emotive techniques for forcefully disputing irrational beliefs and developing rational coping statements. More than likely, says personal development coach Mary Hartley, these difficult people will be bulldozers.‘Bulldozers are people whose aggressive behaviour often intimidates you, the person you wish you could stand up to but feel you haven’t got the confidence or the know-how to deal with. Difficult personalities include self-important people, chronic complainers and people who are controlling, needy, or overly competitive. If you jump to answer her biting email immediately, you'll not only be acting on your emotions, but you will likely speak without thinking, warns mental health professional Donna M.
When you're dealing with a difficult person, separate the situation into two categories--the relationship you have with him, and the problematic behavior--advises communication studies professor Preston Ni in an article for Psychology Today. That, combined with some isolation from your loved ones, due to his lack of ability to develop supportive relationships with your own family and friends, makes a very worrisome perspective. It becomes almost paralysis, as many of the posters in AskNora tell, when you realize that you don’t know what to do to improve your situation, and see the emotional support network missing.
Is a terrible loss of time and energy to try to change him…when he is being difficult and more even difficult because he feels threatened by your change program.
If and when a difficult husband decides to improve his behavior, is his own decision making.
Either it’s your children, or your vocation, you need to discover and to respect your mission in life. What would you love to accomplish, being free to put your emotional strength to better use? Simply, you ignore him because you are busy with your own mission, and having fun doing it…and receiving emotional support from the people around you, now that they can respect and appreciate your gifts. I feel like I am being punished because I do not do things the way my husband thinks I should do but he never really says what that is. I just don’t know how to get him to do the things I need him to do, for the kids specifically, without being like WWIII. Even in limited ways, I would make a list of the possible activities that would grant more respect, appreciation and peace for me. You will have now so many happy days, working and creating and feeling centered in your own project.
Thanks for that yes I do need to focus the thoughts back on me as when I say stuff to him about passive aggressive he doenst even know what it is. Even if you can’t cut them out completely, you can almost always limit your exposure to them to the bare minimum.
Or if you plan on cutting them out of your life, but want to know what you can do in the meantime?
But, you can change yourself, and that’s where the power is, because by changing your attitude and how you react to them, you can totally transform the relationship. Changing your attitude about the difficult person and how they behave is, bar none, the most powerful thing you can do. The one thing you need to be careful of though, is to avoid letting a negative attitude taint new behaviors. Can we catch up in the afternoon?” Often the need to debrief the weekend will lessen as the day goes on.
When there doesn’t seem to be bad intention, then sometimes the best way to deal is by stopping, looking over the situation, and seeing if there could be a simple way resolve to it. Instead, assume positive intent and approach the problem person in a way that allows them to save face.
Coach your employees to start asking the right questions so they can advance their careers.
Eich reveals the leadership methods that can transform your organization’s culture into a solid one. Once you realize what a difficult situation means to another person, you can approach the issue with more compassion, generosity, empathy and patience. One technique includes rational emotive imagery, in which the individual practices changing one’s unhealthy emotions to healthy emotions through imagery.
People who behave in this punchy, aggressive way are out to get their own way regardless of what other people think, do or say.
Despite coming in many different shapes and sizes, they all prompt the same negative emotions of stress and frustration in the people who meet them. Ni recommends following up the mental separation by being soft on the person, and tough on the issue.
He has nobody to frustrate, because you get your emotional nurturance from other source different from him.

Visit her blog and join the community to discuss issues related to Conflicts, Relationships and receive also Free her book “Breaking Free From The Silent Treatment.” You are warmly welcomed here, because we care for your happiness! So, next time, you need to leave him when you feel so strong as to stay alone, without him, regardless his requests and promises. It’s not just him anyway, I create my own reality, but I thought it until recently was the reality form me being a really nasty person, and it wasnt until I got objective with distance that I realised that it was not that, I am a good person, just in a bad relationship with alot of low self esteem as a result.
I stayed because he would have tried to take my children ( to hurt me) when they were young and our son had Asperger syndrome and is just now living alone. Fortunately it is – read on for our favorite strategies to dealing with the difficult people in your life.
Or what if you truly believe that there’s something which can be done to make the relationship better?
Let’s look at some concrete tactics to break through the tension and get back to work, because when left undealt with, it can actually get worse. You can smooth situations with seemingly impossible coworkers with a clear and calm message and the belief that you can. This is far more effective for both parties than concluding that another person is difficult all the time or is always overreacting, he says. There are a number of very simple, effective ways to deal with difficult people that will leave you feeling less stressed and unburdened. This activity can help you find ways to solve the problem, rather than just letting it eat away at you.
Chopra warns, however, if you start feeling like this person is taking advantage of you, don't be afraid to end the listening session. White recommends letting the rush of annoyance act as your cue to take a quick break before saying anything.
This strategy will result in the person being more receptive to what you have to say, while simultaneously exemplifying your problem-solving skills.
Now, being stuck in the drama that a passive aggressive husband abundantly provides, you forget what is your personal mission, get lost in power struggles with him, and all that leaves you in a swamp of immature wrangling with him and his tricks. He refuses to take care of any of the financial planning like wills, trusts, budgeting, planning for retirement and mostly because I am helping my son with his tuition and care while he is in college(at least that is the excuse currently).
But now he just does the same angry crap without telling me why and not talking and not doing anything but being depressed. He finally hurt me and humiliated me enough to leave…sadistic aggression is part of his personality too. Because all great negotiators know that you have the most power when you’re willing to walk away. He has already got in trouble with the manager a few times and I am surprised he has not been fired yet.
Try, “I don’t want to think that you were intentionally trying to minimize my comments, but that was how if came off.
Next time you are headed into a meeting with this person, picture yourself meeting with someone you really like until the actual meeting starts. Sometimes we feel it would take too much effort to stand up to them and it wouldn’t get us anywhere, or we just feel a bit frightened or intimidated. For example, a chat with your nosy mother might bring out some of your own negative traits, like impatience. Being a good listener means being nonjudgmental and receptive to what the other person is saying.
For example, you can say something like, "I'd like to help you, but it's hard for me to work with you when you're so angry. He wont take responsibility for the kids and when I get angry the kids get angrier at me as I am always the one having to do the making sure they are on track.
His behavior at work is unacceptable and he talks down to most people yet he claims he is always joking when in reality he’s not. Your energy will be more positive, and you will find the meeting goes smoother.  Your new-found composure will also impress others –always an added bonus! So, angry complaining customers care enough to talk to you, and have not yet decided to take their business to the competition. And so we let them win and the template for future encounters is established.At its worst extreme, this kind of behaviour is outright bullying.
Keep this in mind the next time you talk with her, and use this knowledge to try to be more patient and open to her questions. If you're responding to a text or email, write out what you want to say and have somebody who isn't involved read it over before sending it.
I am a businesswoman and well respected in my profession and I find it hard to understand why we can’t even take care of the simple things. On rare occasions, he has his good moments which make me think underneath his tough front, he really is good on the inside but he always screws it up later by saying something rude to or about someone. Everything is kept in secret and I have been trying to get him to dowork with me as a partner instead of keeping everything secret and separate because I love him and we should be looking out for each other but it seems his goal is to keep me from what I want most to be loved. I have social anxiety so a lot of the time I do not speak up when he makes fun of other people but I do not speak to him because of it, well most of the time I avoid having conversation with him but since we work directly with one another its hard to avoid all conversation. I have wanted to talk to the manager about it since no one else wants too but I do not want to be singled out and sometimes I just do not know what to do. The next step, if necessary, would be to make a formal complaint.In our personal lives, we can experience aggression through people’s sharp speech, low-key pushing or in-your-face-behaviour that results in our feeling flattened and got-at.
Tell the person you don’t like their behaviourDescribe the behaviour and say it is unacceptable. You have already said no, but they are persisting.Try this Say something like, ‘You know, Di, I’ve already said no, and nothing has changed. Ask the person to explain their words or behaviourReturning the ball into the other person’s court is a great way of making them think about what they are doing or saying.Picture this You say that you have changed your mind about a certain issue. Deal with offensive jokes or commentsIf you feel angry or uncomfortable with someone’s language or conversation, let them know. You may be feeling frustrated by a Pushover, or manipulated by a Snake.Mary Hartley shows you how to deal with these difficult people without losing friends and alienating them.

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