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admin | inner peace quotes | 09.12.2015
If it’s their main love language a simple compliment or word of encouragement can fill a tank for days. Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 15:4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
When you tell your spouse what needs to be accomplished and do so by lashing out over-assertive words, even if you mean well, you will make your spouse feel Stupid and your words seem to belittle their know-how. But if you make a humble request to your spouse, you are affirming their worth and abilities.
Togetherness involves more of a connection than just being in the same room or the same house.
It doesn’t mean you have to always be talking, it could be having a conversation and then going on a walk together, or watching a favorite TV show together or wash the dishes together or prepare food together.
A great way to allow for this to happen is to ask your spouse how their day was and then shut up and listen. Your spouse needs to be able to talk to you about what’s going on in their world – at work, at home with the kids, with family or friends. It’s not as much how much you spend, it’s the fact that you thought about them and took the time to get them something. A husband helping with household chores like laundry, doing dishes, cleaning the house, taking care of the children etc or a wife fixing a leaking pipe, mowing the yard, fixing an appliance. It sends a message that you are important to me, our home is important to me, our children are important to me. A loving husband will not turn and leave, go smoke, get a drink or give a lecture – he will hold her in a tight embrace, run his fingers thru her hair, maybe kiss her head, stroke her hand and make her feel safe in the power of his arms.
For men physical touch includes sex but more than just the act of sex it’s the touching by both along the way. Just like a child needs physical touch in order to develop, adults need touch to stay emotionally and mentally healthy. So if your looking to improve your relationships, first learn how to empathize better with the people around you.
These needs are the same for anyone, no matter where your from, no matter how young or old you are. It’s OK to have needs, it doesn’t mean your weak.  When we understand our needs, it humbles us and builds our character.
Our neediness encourages interdependence – We are not robots, we have feelings and emotions and our neediness requires us to have healthy human relationships. When you know your purpose it brings better focus to your life.  It determines the patterns in your life and the disciplines you pursue. Balance in life is possible if we practice life according to a single priority, and that single priority is our purpose. Balance is achieved when we establish, build, and maintain capacity in each of the four dimensions of life.  How much time and energy do we give to each of those areas of our lives?  That will only happen if we are intentional about focusing on each of those areas of our lives.
3)    Increasingly, I see the negative, or what needs to be fixed, with my work and others’. 4)    My vision or purpose is becoming blurry, or harder to focus on, despite being clear in the past. 5)    If I were totally honest with myself, I’d say I’m going through the motions at work or home, rather than contributing everything I can. 7)    I lengthen many workdays to get the job done, instead of delegating or managing my time or mindset more effectively.
8)    I cut down or stop other activities (such as hobbies or other rejuvenating activities) in order to keep up with work responsibilities. 9)    I don’t have time to reach out to connect with colleagues,mentors or friends on a regular basis. 1-4 “True” answers: You should be in the normal ebb and flow of business ownership, or work. So here is the challenge.  We can all grow in this area of love because non of us are Jesus. If your relationships are not working ask yourself how much love you have in your heart.  If there is not much there, then turn to God and ask Him to fill it up with that kind of love.
When the grace of God shapes our relationships, we respond to the sin and weakness of others with grace. A grace mindset enables us to serve others out of a heart of compassion, gentleness, patience, kindness and love.  The closer we get to people the more these attitudes are needed because the closer we get the more we experience their weaknesses and sins. Ask God to help you have more grace in your life, it can transform all your relationships and change your circumstances. Marriages mean the coming together of two individuals from different backgrounds to build a life. A couple needs alone time to bond over common interests, hobbies, preferences, and appreciate the differences. Although you are in a marital relationship with your spouse, there is no need to let your individuality go. And what they say about going to bed angry is true; never let a fight or an issue to fester for another day. I’m telling my age to admit it, but my first computer was a Radio Shack TRS-80 Model 100. Nevertheless, it was not until I met my future husband (three years and countless computer-printed assignments later) that I learned anything about the machine’s text-wrapping capabilities. Within days of our first meeting, however, Doug observed my unusual approach to word processing and gently informed me that, if I would just keep typing, the text would automatically bump down to the next line without my doing anything to make it happen. That one little pointer saved me massive amounts of time, completely revolutionized the way I did homework, and contributed even further to my rapidly growing affection for the guy I’d eventually marry. If you’d prefer to have these posts delivered directly to your inbox, you may sign-up for a free email subscription in the the sidebar on the right (scroll up to see it).
My husband and I celebrated our silver wedding anniversary last week by renewing our vows in the same church where we first pledged our life and love to one another twenty-five years ago. He’s not very good at keeping secrets, though, so he ended up spilling the beans a few days early. Had Doug waited until the last minute to spring this on me, I’d probably have been wearing a cotton tank and black capris when I met him at the altar.
The ceremony was short and sweet with only ourselves and the-children-who-are-still-living-at-home in attendance.
As it happened, the same day I was celebrating 25 years of marriage to my husband, a dear friend of mine was burying hers. My friend has been on my heart ever since I received the shocking news of her husband’s passing, but the profound grief I feel over her loss is accompanied by a keen sense of gratitude for each day God grants me with my own dear husband and a fresh desire to live wisely and well the brief moment in time my life occupies.
I’ve heard from a lot of women lately who claim that happiness in life and marriage comes only through demanding our rights, preserving our autonomy, ignoring the needs of others, and living in selfish indulgence. Scripture teaches the opposite: the path to true happiness and fulfillment comes through pouring oneself out on behalf of others.
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere in this blog, one of my favorite pastimes back when we lived in Dallas was frequenting home shows. But the truth is that I enjoyed walking through other people’s houses because doing so gave me such grand ideas for decorating my own. Beyond the fireplace, a chaise lounge stood in front of floor-to-ceiling plate-glass windows through which we could see a pristine blue granite pool shaded by potted palm trees and bordered by well-tended beds of trailing lantana, bright impatiens, and fragrant gardenias.
It was here that I spotted, upon closer inspection, the telltale sign that something in this home was amiss. Keep in mind that everything (else) about this room whispered romance: A pile of logs crackled in the fireplace. It was enough to quicken the pulse of any husband still in possession of half his senses—but all for naught. Should the pitiable man dare think of approaching his wife with tender words or ardent hopes, The Pillow stood sentry, ready to quench his passion with icy water. You see, a wife does not have to continuously harp on her husband in an irritating voice to be a thorn in his side.

If you habitually put off your husband’s sexual advances, if you routinely insist that he wait until some remote time when you are “in the mood” before you give him what he so desperately desires, then you are by definition being contentious. According to the Bible, a man would be better off inhabiting a corner of the roof — exposed to what? I sometimes think back on the little “headache pillow” which first caught my eye during that luxury home tour so long ago. Every time I spotted a new one, I felt an intense urge to showcase a drastically different “message” on my own bed.
The solution came to me unexpectedly about twelve years ago when my husband and I were at a Sunday school class dinner.
If you were to visit our home today, you would find a spacious master suite, complete with plush Persian rug and four-poster bed. To the rest of the world it simply says, “You can never pray too much.” But to my husband, who can decipher my secret code, it sends another message entirely. Yes, I know that women are masters of multi-tasking, but when your husband is speaking to you, make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into his eyes, and listen to what he is saying with the goal of understanding and remembering his words. Sure, he has his faults (as do you), but dwelling on them will only make you (both) miserable.
Did you know that the way you respond (or don’t respond) to your husband’s romantic overtures has a profound effect on his self-confidence? I once read about a study done in Germany which found that men whose wives kissed them goodbye every morning were more successful than those who weren’t kissed. Although the rest of the family is not overly-fond of spaghetti, my husband loves it, so I try to make it at least two or three times a month as a way to honor him.
Do not dismiss his opinions lightly, especially when you’ve asked for his counsel in the first place. Voiced compliments and heartfelt praise are always welcome, but you should also make it your habit to just look at your husband in a respectful, appreciative way.
This entry was posted on August 6, 2012, in Lists, Marriage and tagged communication, husband, jennifer flanders, marriage, newlywed, respect, respect your husband, ways to show respect.
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A study by Fidelity Investments found 72% of the couples surveyed believed they communicate very -- even exceptionally -- well.
Appreciating your spouse verbally, or in other ways such as writing can be fun and enriching.
Don’t forget the small favors they do for you too, like remembering to shut the toilet seat, or straightening their shoes.
It is important we take some time from our day to day business to stop and say, “wow honey, I really appreciate you. We actually do this from time to time both verbally, physically (a passionate hug or kiss), and electronically (text messages). Positive thinking, positive speaking (or text messaging, e-mailing, whatever!) will help you become more positive. These are great tips guys, I am going to pick 3 to work on this week to get better at appreciating my spouse. Mike, That’s great that you recognized an area of your relationship that needs some more attention, and you are dealing with it head on. One of our personal favorites is the post on the 20 Marriage Lessons we learned the first year. Approaching the topic of alcohol addiction is very difficult, no matter how strong your love is. Before having the alcohol addiction conversation with your spouse, be sure that you are well educated on the topic. For men, don’t try to fix things, just listen repeat back some of the things she is saying and ask some questions if needed. Within the next week, schedule two days away from work to reconnect and clarify your vision or purpose, and identify at least 5 action items that you can do to change the course and refuel your engines.
While couples in love marriages have the advantage of spending a lot of one-on-one time together before the wedding, the couples in arranged marriages usually don’t have that luxury.
It could be something simple, like how they take their coffee, or something big and impactful, like if they want kids or not.
If something bothers you, or you want your spouse to know something that you think is crucial for them to get to know you, tell them.
Whether you do it at home, or go out on a romantic date, or a movie, or a simple drive around the city, you need to do it.
Whether it’s a stupid prank that your spouse played on their teacher, or a ‘when she was a kid…’ stories and anecdotes, these give you a glimpse into your partner’s personality.
There’s no need to get judgmental and paint everything they do in the future with the same brush from the past. You two are individuals with differing opinions, who come from different family backgrounds. Seemingly small arguments, if allowed to fester and remain unresolved, have the potential to become big, ugly monsters. Love well written stories, writing with passion, baking lip-smacking-finger-licking chocolate cakes, engaging movies, and home-cooked food. Back in the early 80’s, all incoming freshmen at Dallas Baptist University were required to buy one and to take a class that would teach us to use it. Subsequent lessons have ranged from the practical (how to change the oil in my car, how to serve a volleyball, how to fend off an armed attacker) to the profound (how should our faith influence our actions?
The ceremony was entirely my husband’s idea, a sweet surprise for his hopelessly sentimental bride.
When you think about it, there is nothing remarkable or even particularly pretty about bubble solution so long as it stays safely inside the jar…. His death had come suddenly and unexpectedly after a very short illness, a poignant reminder that “none of us know what will happen tomorrow. This may have been, as one friend suggested, my way of escaping the fact that at the time my husband and I were ourselves living in a miniscule apartment, together with a growing brood of small children. We were blessed with an accommodating landlady who let us paint walls, hang curtains, add shelves, and plant flowers to our heart’s content, so our little hole-in-the-wall became more pleasant, warm, and inviting with every home tour we attended. The sum total of our living space would have fit into one of their walk-in closets with room to spare. Atrium doors in the master bedroom opened onto a wide veranda that overlooked the pool, granting the couple easy access for late-night dips in the attached Jacuzzi. Centered on the wall opposite the fireplace was an enormous reproduction of something straight out of Princess and the Pea.
It tells us unequivocally, “Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and turmoil with it. A good synonym for the verb “to contend” is “to resist,” which is precisely what you are doing when you refuse to have sex with your husband.
I’m sorry to report, that wasn’t the only time I’ve noticed such a hateful thing being used to accessorize an otherwise beautiful bed. First was the knowledge that our parents, children, friends, and houseguests might consider it in poor taste for us to adorn our bed with such a straightforward reminder of why we share it.
Although I could sidestep the second issue by sewing the pillow myself, the first concern still presented a problem. One of the other couples in attendance knew about the commitment Doug and I had made early in our marriage to always pray together before having sex, so when we tried to slip away from the party early, they couldn’t resist teasing us a bit.
The dust ruffle, duvet, and a mound of pillows were custom-made by me in complementary colors, textures, and patterns. You can say you respect your husband, but he’ll have a hard time believing that unless your behavior backs it up. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Faithfully lift up your husband in prayer every day, and you will likely notice a transformation not only in him, but in yourself, as well.

Success and respect often go hand-in-hand, so be sure to send him off right, and don’t forget to greet him with a kiss when he returns home, for good measure. Our church shares potluck dinners every Sunday afternoon, and although the men and women normally sit separately to visit, I like to position myself close enough to my husband that I can listen to the conversation, as I think everything he says is so interesting. Guard his reputation and do not let minor disagreements at home cause you to speak ill of him in public. Then you will love my book, 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband — nearly 200 pages filled with Biblical wisdom and sensible suggestions for putting these principles into practice. Sooner or later, staying silent and keeping your emotions bottled up will drive a huge wedge between you and your partner.
Let go of the small stuff, habits, or preferences that will not make or break your marriage.
I am glad this post reminder you to not let the small stuff hinder you from appreciating your spouse. Marriage is one of the best things in this life, if you both make it so, and are willing to put in the hard work and grow together! You went on dates together, laughed and cried together, learned to love each other unconditionally, and promised—in one way or another—to spend the rest of your lives together.
Going into the conversation blind will hurt your ability to have a productive conversation.
Having examples of worrisome behavior due to alcohol shouldn’t be approached in a demanding manner.
Although that fact might make you seem a bit apprehensive, having married a virtual stranger, fikar not, for there are ways to get to know your arranged marriage partner. From what we’ve been told about arranged marriages, it seems that compromises and sacrifices are all there is to it. But if you feel you need the space and time away from the relationship to pursue your own interests, then let them know politely. The advanced warning allowed me to pack proper wedding clothes and gave our little ones time to make bouquets and boutonnieres for the big day.
My friend couldn’t imagine how supremely happy we were in those modest surroundings, despite the fact we could sit at our dinner table and retrieve milk from the refrigerator, answer the back door, or switch on the bathroom light—almost without leaving our seats.
But our home was characterized by a spirit of love and joy that I suspect was lacking in at least one of the sprawling mansions we visited.
An exquisite Persian rug covered the floor and felt lush beneath our stocking feet (visitors had been asked to remove their shoes at the door). In fact, I’ve seen so many “Not Tonight” pillows over the years that I’ve completely lost count.
Second was the fact that, regardless how earnestly I searched, I could never find a store that even sold pillows with such sentiments stitched upon them. How could I phrase what I wanted to say in a way that others wouldn’t find offensive or embarrassing? And there in the center of it all, you would find a beautiful little velvet cushion, hand-embroidered with silk ribbon roses and tiny glass beads.
Even if you think you already know what your husband is going to say, allowing him to say it without cutting him off mid-sentence shows both respect and common courtesy.
Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-respected, too. Avoid watching movies or reading books that might cause you to stumble in this area, as well. Live in such a way that it will be obvious to others why your husband married you in the first place. Since we got married, we have observed it is very easy to under appreciate what our spouses do for us, and our marriage. Alicia and I are very solid in our communication and trust, we just need to keep that up and we’ll be stronger than ever! And that’s OK—there are careful steps you can follow when learning how to help an alcoholic spouse. It should be a comfortable location and situation, such as the privacy of your living room. But if you follow these careful steps, you can have a productive and effective conversation with your spouse about alcohol addiction and seeking treatment for it. 19 My friends, do not try to punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with his anger.
While compromise and mutual adjustment is vital in any marriage, going in thinking that you’re not allowed to have any expectations from your arranged marriage is wrong, and frankly, unrealistic. The walls were adorned with priceless works of art—all original oil paintings or signed and numbered prints. That sort of faultfinding person might be described as being actively contentious, but for the purposes of the present discussion, I want to focus on the flip side of this problem: that of being passively contentious. Read it, print it, share it with your husband, but please don’t wait for him to make the first move. You would travel to the ends of the earth with and for each other—which makes seeing your partner succumb to alcohol addiction all the more difficult.
Bringing up the subject of alcohol addiction in a restaurant or other public setting might not yield desirable results. Demanding answers for certain behavior will either ignite a fight or cause your spouse to recluse.
Write out your vision and an action agenda to get you back on track in doing what is important.
Whatever expectations you have regarding your personal life going forward, or your professional life, in terms of career growth, let your partner know about them. Two overstuffed armchairs flanked the marble fireplace, a gleaming silver tea service perched atop an antique tray table between them. And again, two chapters later, it declares, “Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife” (Prov. She can sulk and pout or cry and carry on until she gets her own way or—what’s worse—she can simply withhold sex until her husband gives in to her demands out of sheer desperation.
Anything would be more tolerable than sharing a house with a contentious, resistant, vexing wife.
Your demonstrating sincere respect for him will make it easier for him to feel genuine love towards you, and vice versa. You will have educated yourself about alcohol addiction and its treatment, and will have chosen the best time to have this discussion. Also make sure your spouse isn’t already upset by something else, otherwise it’s not prudent to add the alcohol addiction conversation to the mix.
There is no room for another person in a marriage – be it your mother or your spouse’s, or even a friend. A beveled mirror in an ornate frame hung above the mantle to camouflage the high definition television built into the wall behind it. The thick mattress was buried beneath a sumptuous duvet, its topmost edge folded back to reveal smooth satin sheets beneath, and the towering headboard was fronted by ranks of ruffled, tucked, and tufted pillows and bolsters in an array of complementary patterns, textures, and designs. For the sake of your husband, for the sake of your children, for the sake of your home—please do not allow a lagging libido to limit the frequency with which you make love to your husband. You will also have learned the wisdom behind taking care of yourself—a vital component to your partnership—and how it leads to a more productive conversation about alcohol addiction. It will take time, but it’s important for your spouse to admit there is a problem before a solution can be started. Don’t keep alcohol around the house, or attend functions together where free drinks will be served.
Otherwise, you may exchange what could have been heaven-on-earth for something far inferior.
It’s important to have a good idea of what type of alcohol addiction rehab would work well for your partner based on your relationship together.
If you’re having trouble talking to your spouse alone, don’t be afraid to bring in reinforcements.

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