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admin | frugal living tips and ideas | 17.01.2016
There are certain things that people who know me, whether it’s as a personal friend or people who have just come to know me through social media, have started to associate me with. I get text messages, for example, from time to time saying “just heard a Prince song and thought of you.” Those make me smile since, yes, I am admittedly a huge fan. But the thing I love more than either of these is when someone sends me a motivational or inspirational quote.
So when someone emails me with a “just heard this quote and thought you’d like it…” I get pretty stoked.  First of all, the quote is probably going to be something that personally motivates me.
And just as importantly, I’m thrilled that when the person heard it or read it they thought of me. As you can imagine after reading the preamble to this article, this happened to me recently.
Lack of confidence, in our cases, will simply become a self-fulfilling prophesy: if you don’t believe a crowd will respond to you you’ll sound unsure which will only make it more likely that they don’t respond.
So I return to that simple and concise saying over Tom Couglin’s desk and I urge you, dear reader, to live by these words.
If the player looks to build confidence, then we must first discover the reasons why he hasn't any self confidence. Many are also too focused on fixing »wrong« things instead of »improving« their already good things that will eventually make the »wrong« things disappear.
Most sports (and tennis included) have 4 main areas that a player needs to master in order to be a top player: technique, strategy and tactics, physical preparation and mental preparation – toughness. Every player has some weaknesses in some areas – which are represented in the upper diagram as white areas – holes.
The player may have a technically excellent backhand and can play every possible type of shot with it with good consistency, but his belief is that his backhand is poor. That results of course in fearful, doubtful, indecisive executions of the backhand shot which of course lead to poor results. So the player sees the confirmation of his belief in reality and thus reaffirms his doubt even more strongly. There are two ways of getting rid of those limiting beliefs: affirming the positive side of shots and using logic to weaken the limiting belief. The same principles of mind that made this belief will also be the ones that erase it and make new ones. I will put another article on this topic that will explain why players »break down« and how you can easily understand the process by using the diagram above. If you are diligent with this practice and write down every day just 3 positive things about your game, you'll have 15 positive thoughts about your game in just 5 days. If you then read these positive statements, which are not some out of the air affirmations but your actual notes, then you will feel a great deal of self confidence which will represent your inner strength.
Most tennis matches are decided not by a better stroke but by a better tactical play and by a stronger mind.

It’s the number one advice that you hear over and over again for performers and public speakers.
If you want to learn more about increasing your confidence level, read this, How To Get Confidence In 7 Easy Steps. But, when self-assured becomes self-absorbed and self-serving, those same followers will be quickly running toward the exits.
Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. I also get phone calls and texts when my beloved Cowboys are losing which doesn’t exactly make me as happy as the Prince messages do.
I really enjoy these and I tend to weave them into my everyday conversations and as well as my seminars and articles on a regular basis. Whether it’s DJing someone’s special event or presenting a seminar to my industry peers, these eight simple words are something I live by. I’ve never really believed the saying that it’s the number one fear for most people (over drowning?
It can lead to forgetting all the things we used to do that made us great (and gave us confidence in the first place) and if there’s anything worse than a timid performer it’s a cocky performer who ain’t all that. Take the essential steps in rehearsing what you are going to say as well as previewing the music you are going to play.
It is a belief – trust – faith the player has about him being able to complete a task in the future successfully. If the player has done a good job – practicing hard and with 100% effort, has developed good sound technique, understands the game well and plays a tactically smart game and he thinks that all that is nothing or not very good, than he will not be confident about himself. They see mistakes which may be there, but there are also many good points that the player has but doesn't notice them.
The last reason for not being really self confident about himself is the foundation of self confidence – self esteem. This is where his answer will be "no", the constant doubting questions that appear in his mind. The biggest problem for the player are his perceptions of what he is good at, which skills he masters and in which areas he can rely on himself. So even though in reality his backhand is good (he has no »holes« in that area) he believes that his backhand is poor (perceives a »hole«). Confidence helped you get to where you are, or helps you get to where you ultimately want to be.
This especially holds true for you younger leaders just getting started in your managerial careers. We need to be confident that the next song we are about to play will work.  We need to confident that when we ask a crowd to do something they’ll respond.
We start believing that it’s all about our talent and we can flip the switch on the mic and words of wisdom will suddenly flow.

He trusts in himself and his abilities which he perceives to be good enough to overcome the problem – challenge. A player has to work hard, has to be focused and persistent to be at least solid if not very good in all areas of the tennis game.
He must value himself as a worthy human being who is also a nice person, someone that people can trust and rely on, and someone who is successful in career, relationships and general life skills. Again, it might be true that a low self-esteem can make performance harder – but asking someone to correct their whole self-image just to be able to speak in front of people seems like disproportionately hard work. You just need to find the one that gives you the most profound impact, copy the quote, edit it into a picture, print it and paste it on the wall in front of you.
But, allowing that confidence to metamorphose into egocentricity can quickly undermine your credibility as someone who can effectively manage or lead people.
Although, to be fair, falling into this trap is not exclusive to those of you who are limited in your years. It is this quality that pushes you to exceed expectations and ultimately, to reach your goals. Conversely, if you are able to check your ego at the door, you will realize that it is ok to believe, or even to be convinced, that you are right while at the same time understanding that the onus is on you to persuade those who follow you as to why you are right. This is the first step to a true and deep feeling of confidence which is based on real facts – results. If the player thinks about himself that he is no one special, that he has many flaws, he is not really a worthy person, then these feelings and beliefs influence his tennis self confidence too.
Even though he may be focused on a weakness which he is working on he must be alert and ready to see every good shot that he makes. He needs to focus on his best effort, how he fought with all the circumstances and never gave up. This is the foundation of his self worth which affects his tennis specific self confidence.
It is a colossal effort, spent over years, to iron out enough psychological hang-ups to finally become confident. That said, it is much easier to correct bad behavior the earlier that you are able to recognize it.
People naturally will want to follow you if you exude confidence when demonstrated through your attitude, your behavior, and your actions.

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