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admin | frugal living tips and ideas | 10.03.2016
The funny thing is that I had talked with a man who went to her church who felt the same way. One of the fun things about writing Courtship in Crisis is that I have been able to interview wonderful single men and women around the world. Relationships require a lot of courage, particularly for men who have to take the initial risks.
I can tell you where confidence doesn’t come from: it doesn’t come from giving trophies to losers. Courtship teaches that you should not enter into a relationship until you are “ready to get married.” But can someone ever really be ready for marriage? If we are not careful, “readiness” can be a bit like a carrot on a stick that one can never really attain. Courtship advocates prohibit young men from spending one-on-one time with young women and then are shocked (shocked!!!!) when these young men become adults and lack the confidence or competence to pursue single women. This would be like prohibiting football players from playing football in high school and then wondering why they are bad at college football. Going back to the sports analogy, not all football players are good enough to play for the Texas Longhorns. While researching for Courtship in Crisis, I have had the chance to interview a lot of women.
When a woman goes a long time without hearing how pretty she is, she can start to think that she is unattractive.
In many courtship communities, men don’t feel like they can compliment women because that would be considered flirting, which is strictly taboo.
Having talked with a lot of courtship-minded women, I can tell you few of them feel beautiful. Single women get verbal affirmation more frequently in Traditional Dating than in Courtship. Our insecurities can form a vicious cycle of men not pursuing women, making women feel ugly and unwanted. So, some men lack the confidence to ask the women out, which makes the women feel that they are not attractive to men. Courtship encourages singles to “spend time in groups”, not realizing that most of the group interactions are segregated. The joke in my area is that you know you are at a “homeschool party” when the guys and girls chat in mostly separate groups.
The purpose of this post is not just to point out the problems in the status quo, but to provide some practical suggestions. As a professional public speaker, I learned that my best talks happened when I was terrified. God, choosing to intervene, sent an angel to speak to a man who was hiding at the bottom of a winepress. Once Gideon got his new identity, the winepress was no longer the place for him because mighty heroes don’t hide in holes. For example, when we reject someone’s compliment, we are saying “My view of me is more important than your view of me.” Which is a somewhat arrogant way to look humble. If anyone were as verbally abusive to one of my family members as I am to myself, there would be a fight.
In 2 Corinthians 10, Paul talks about taking our thoughts captive and forcing them to be obedient to Christ. Deciding in our minds that we believe what God says about us more than what we think about ourselves could be called “repentance.” Repentance literally means to change your thinking. Gideon had to change his thinking when the angel called him a mighty hero while he was still hiding. There is a powerful moment in the Lord of the Rings when The Fellowship is being chased by a giant fire demon called a Balrog. On the football field one of the things that gives the players courage is the fact that they are wearing pads and a helmet.
As Christians, God clothes us in robes of righteousness and places us within His team, The Body of Christ. Surrounding yourself with fellow believers who encourage and look out for you can boost your confidence. Clothes are a tangible way to signal both to yourself and to others what you think about yourself. When my family started the Austin Rhetoric Club, we found that a lot of students would join the club only to leave before delivering a single speech.

For the students who put off or avoided giving that first speech, it grew into a monster in their minds.
Women, if the guy is a Christian and he asks you to dinner, say “yes.” Give him a chance one-on-one to woo you. The Bible tells us in 1 John 4 that “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.”  While it is true that a mother will do courageous acts to save the child she loves, I think there is more to this verse than that. As men start to overcome their fear and pursue women, women will begin to feel more beautiful, which will, in fact, make them more beautiful. All it takes to start the change is a simple compliment, and invitation to coffee, or a “yes” to lunch.
Another reason women might say no to dates out of insecurity is for fear for saying something stupid, coming off as high maintenance, making awkward conversation, or a number of other fears unrelated to their appearance. Women like the girl in the opening sentence, who are wondering why men are so afraid to ask girls out, need to be a little more introspective and should consider how many men they themselves have turned down. Men are beginning to realise women are simply a bad investment and are giving up on dating or approaching them.
I'm a Christ Follower, CEO of Author Media, Professional Speaker, Podcaster, Wordpress Lover, Marketer, Political Trouble Maker, & Homeschool Graduate. Based on the viral blog post Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed, Courtship In Crisis, explains where the courtship crisis came from, and why it failed. Success without possible failure is like food without flavor: it has all the substance, but none of the enjoyment. By encouraging young people to go on platonic dates while discouraging them from going steady, we give them a chance to build their confidence and competence.
The game designers have found a way for success to feel more real in the game than in a real world where well-meaning mothers shelter their sons from failure. The less attractive a woman feels, the less she smiles and the less she takes care of herself.
In my experience, women have a fairly narrow view of what they consider beautiful in other women. I agree with the old Southern saying that “there is a lid for every pot.”  Although I think it is fair to say that some lids fit more pots than others. They are trapped in a system that isolates them from any form of “flirting” or encouragement from guys.
The platonic, low commitment dates of Traditional Dating give young women a frequent opportunity to dress up and hear that they are beautiful. A woman who feels unwanted is more likely to reject men because the man’s words will sound insincere in her ears. As my old speech coach told me, “Good public speaking is not about getting rid of the butterflies. Yes, a heavenly perspective on your problems can make them look small in light of the universe, but it is more than that. Gideon went on to have a series of adventures, culminating in a surprise attack where he and 300 men ambushed the Midianite army.
I wouldn’t let anyone talk to my family that way and yet I put up with my own terrible self-talk. So we suit up in a spiritual sense when we put on our uniform and embrace our role within The Body. If you are shy, having a good friend who can act as a wingman to make introductions for you can be very helpful. The key to being a good wingman is to know how to gracefully leave the conversation once things get started. So my dad changed the rules so that everyone gave a speech their very first day at the club, even if it was just to introduce themselves. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. In other words, there can be just as much fear and risk in the accepting of a date as there is in the asking for a date. Grew up with the courship but so discouraging when I looked around at beautiful, single, young ladies who had never been courted! They only see men as a financial instruments and will trade up in a heartbeat for a better one (80% of divorces filed by women). In Little League, we all kept score in our heads since our moms didn’t want us to feel bad about losing. To play at that level, you need the kind of confidence and competence that comes only from years of practice.

This can create a vicious cycle that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy since men are more attracted to women who smile and take care of themselves. Furthermore, each man has a certain type of woman that he finds most attractive and that “type” varies greatly from man to man.
Or the woman who is going on frequent dates and hearing how pretty she is from multiple guys? At the end of all the makeup and Photoshop, the models themselves can’t live up to their own pictures.
This verbal encouragement from the young man on the other side of the table helps boost their confidence.
It is about getting them to fly in formation.” There is a level of energy I can achieve on stage only when jittery with fear. Does the thought of spending time alone with a guy at a public place make you want to run away and hide?
The Midianites were so cruel that the Israelites started hiding in caves anytime the Midianites came around.
You could say that when Jesus talked about the “Friend of the Bridegroom”, he was talking about a wingman.
There is a moment in the conversation when the wingman must decrease so the friend can increase. The first speech was always the hardest and once students got that out of the way, it was a lot easier to come back.
The more training they received, the more they realized they didn’t know, until finally they gave up and stopped coming. The only way to learn how to play the piano is to first play badly while you learn how to play it well.
It is once you fail, and have learned to take the heat of it, that it starts to lose its power over you. And that brings me to the question of women asking men on dates, but maybe that’s a discussion for another blog post. They thought they were ready, but when they hit the water the cold and excitement knocked their breath away. It is the lonely woman who looks upon the media’s impossible standard and is tempted to despair. He must be lying.” So they reject making men feel less confident making them less likely to pursue women and so on.
There are few things more powerful in this world than someone who, while facing their fear, chooses to act anyway. But the first step is to acknowledge the fear and see it as something separate from you as a person. He said, “Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!” The very first thing the angel gave to Gideon was a new name, a new title. The sooner you work through the awkwardness of cooties, the sooner you can find your confidence. There is an old saying that a man with an experience is not at the mercy of a man with an argument. He sits on the board of directors for several nonprofits, including the Texas Alliance for Life. Often you see your body on the ground while the screen pans around it with the text “You lose!” flashing in big letters.
He has taken your garments of wickedness and replaced them with robes of righteousness (Galatians 3:26-27).
It is thinking of yourself less.” False humility (rejecting compliments, dismissing strengths, and emphasizing weaknesses) can actually be a form of pride.
Together we are going to do what none of us could do alone.” Around every highlight reel on ESPN is a team of guys blocking and making the big play possible. This is like putting off piano practice in hopes that we will play better by procrastinating.

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