On Tuesday, October 1, reports the India Times from Muzaffarnaga, India, two women in the Fugana village were gang raped, their homes burned to the ground to intimidate them from reporting the crime. And in Yemen, after the story of an eight-year old girl who died of “wedding night injuries” inflicted by the forty-year old man she had been “married” to was leaked to the press and an international outrage began, Yemen authorities are denying it ever happened.
You see, the sentencing judge had reduced Rambold’s sentence to sexual assault education classes, which he had skipped out on and no one had bothered to check up on him until almost three years later, when the rape victim and former student committed suicide the day before the hearing. The question is not whether Rambold, Morales’ much more experienced and older teacher, picked on her because he saw she was “troubled” and saw that he could use his position of trust and authority and thirty plus years’ experience to manipulate the situation to his advantage.
I wonder if these men will ever be able to put themselves in the shoes of the girls they are abusing and judging. For if the goal of education is to prepare us for life, if it is important to know that 1+1 =2, it is even more important to know that her no plus your yes = rape. Violence against women is as crime and should not be accepted (the same goes for violence against men). Apparently, you have no sympathy for these women who were gang-raped and had their homes burned down to shut them up. It sure is easier to agree with Ol’ Massah than take a stand on what is the underlying current in the destruction of our societies and civilizations and the very Earth we live on.
Women would never have allowed the population to exceed resources and we never would have selected for gender like the Indian men decreed. So, now they have a gender imbalance and, instead of taking care, with reverence, of the women they DO have, we get the blame as usual. I do think that much anti-rape work does recognize and try to teach about power differentials and how that contributes to sexual violence, but maybe not the power differentials you are referring to.
While women can abuse their male partners, in my experience, people don’t really think that is okay. I would suggest that the oft-taught notion that you can expect to be raped if you ever put yourself in a vulnerable position with men around, or that a wife can expect her husband to raise his hand to her, (both of which are traditional cultural norms) actually does more to position men as the enemies of women than suggesting it doesn’t have to be this way. DBT means Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which could also be referred to as becoming more open minded.
I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, in private practice in Hood River, OR, at Turtle Dove Counseling, also Hood River Hypnosis & DBT. 120+ Learning Quotes: Download free posters and graphics of famous quotes about learning for school teachers.
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About a week ago a tiny book bound in leather showed up amid a pile of papers that I recently salvaged from my mom's house. This is after four other women were gang raped on September 30 in the same village, their homes also burned down.
And in Mexico and too many other parts of the world, the patriarchy is so controlling that female subservience and wife beating is considered normal and right; it is considered culture and not a crime. It includes controlling behavior, intimidation, coercion, playing mind games, putting women down, pressuring women into having sex or terminating a pregnancy, and using male privilege to oppress women, among others.


It applies to the perpetuation of this cycle of violence against women in any type of relationship. Anyone who enacts this kind of violence against women—whether a spouse, a lover, a friend, a parent or other family member, a stranger or even an institution—is engaging in the cycle of domestic violence, is engaging in the act of violence against women that is still considered “culture” or “not that big a deal” in this permissive global culture of violence against women.
I wonder how they would they feel if, just because they were attractive or dressed nicely or just there, someone thought they had the right to touch their bodies, to force them to do things without their consent?
Let us teach gender studies in school—elementary school, junior high, high school.  Better yet, call it personhood studies and teach respect for difference of race and culture in addition to gender.
That impressionable children eight years old, sixteen years old, should not be subject to legal statutory rape. To hold the male student responsible in the latter circumstance assumes that he has a greater understanding of what is happening and an understanding of the girls incapacity to consent. The gender known as manhood was something contrived to convince people to rape, pillage, murder, and conquer for kings and country and company.
Although I think child abuse is also rooted in our patriarchal tradition of dominating those who are weaker). When the author suggests that men need to be involved in this work, she seems to be implicitly sharing the belief we activists have that many men do NOT act like this and are quite capable of knowing right from wrong.
I remember reading The Jungle Book when I was a 9 (…all part of being a good Cub Scout). I read it putting a little ticks on areas in life where I can express more of my potential. This could be why a seventeen year old girl, also in India, killed herself rather than face her rapists in court, knowing there was little chance of conviction—only more shame and ostracization for her. The physical damage of being forced to have sex before their bodies are fully developed will scar these girls for life. Todd Baugh, gave the rapist, who had been charged with three counts of rape, 31 days minus one day for time served.
You see, growing up in the diverse but highly prejudiced and racially segregated pressure cooker of Los Angeles in a high school whose racial demographic was rapidly changing by the minute, the principal of my high school faced an impossible situation.
Magazine online and is at work on a poetry collection about her family’s escape from Idi Amin’s Ugandan genocide and several other projects.
Still, I believe it dangerous to ignore that the impact of the rape and the degree of responsibility of the rapist can vary.
The law falling on the side of woman may prevent this reality becoming a convenient loophole in cases where the male may be well aware of what he is doing.
A wife or mother treating her husband or son as such is no less offensive than a man doing this to his wife or daughters. Being a good person is what I strive for and try to help others (who were assigned to be men a birth) to do. And that has more to do with prescribed gender norms than concern about violence-free communities, I think.
I personally do not believe at all that all men are abusers or rapists; in fact, I think it is a small percentage of men in our society who act like this. It was, apparently, a gift from Lady Pybus, mother of Lady Diana, wife of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. I saw the poem hanging in our home every day until I left for college and read it frequently. Indeed, gang rape is so common in India women like Sampat Pal are calling for a state of national emergency, forced to set up their own women’s rights watchdog groups to defend the rape victims and confront the rapists because the government will not do so. Why is violence against women not considered enough of a crime—a violation of the most basic of human rights?


The ability to feel safe as a child—to play on the playground without fear of assault by men who will later blame you for your own rape—to safely experiment with which trappings of womanhood you will later adopt or discard is a basic human right. With racial violence erupting on the streets and teachers falling back on their own racist upbringings to discriminate against students who were doing the exact same thing to each other, he did not know what to do. It is not easy given that so many, in my own set of friends and family, are trying to do the opposite.
Rapists exploit that power differential, whether it is physical strength, ability to drink more, sexual double standards, or status in society.
So there is shame and stigma around the issue that needs to be addressed, having to do with patriarchal norms of gender, but I think fewer people would agree that is acceptable or just a part of one’s culture. I took the time to stop and read it nearly everyday—just as I always stopped and bowed to the Indian in front of the MFA in Boston.
I set it aside and decided that I would seek a quiet moment to read it, so that I could fully appreciate my discovery. Todd Baugh said Morales “acted older than her years” and “tempted” her then fifty-one year old teacher to rape her. Why do we hide it behind “tradition” and “culture”—or just say outright that “she was asking for it” instead? The ability to be treated with love and respect and enjoy equality in interpersonal dynamics is a basic human right.
And if she is not yet a woman, but a child, the state—the world—has the responsibility to protect her.
Rape is about power and control, period; and while it can take different forms, one experience of rape does not invalidate another experience.
Merely stating that all violence is bad is not getting to the root of why the violence is occurring.
That moment occurred a couple of days ago, and verified what my heart knew to be true from the second I stumbled on it. Seeing your heartfelt experience of it (that you published on Elephant Journal in Oct 2011) show up in my facebook newsfeed today is the icing on the cake.
Todd Baugh and men like Stacey Dean Rambold, that produces forty-year old men who think that an eight-year old is physically and emotionally mature enough for a sexual relationship.
It was a safe space to speak and educate each other about race, difference, and respect for personhood.
Remember these men are not strangers in dark alleys, but our brothers, our lovers, our sons and our fathers.
Like all auspicious coincidences, this serves as a reminder that if we are awake and attentive, jewels will reveal themselves to us when we least expect them. That thinks men, rather than women, have the right to determine what happens to women’s bodies. And it worked; today my high school is one of the best in the state of California, and a model of the power of communication and education to effect social change. They are not the enemy but people who need to have a shared understanding of what is and isn’t OK.
We look to our leaders to make laws, we look to parents to teach their children what is right.



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