I had a teacher in high school once, who told us if he had one piece of life advice, this was it- “Marry somebody rich. The truth is that a marriage, a good marriage, is one where each person looks into the eyes and heart and soul of other, and makes a simple promise.
And in a world filled with difficulty, with endlessly shifting weights of expectations and fears on our shoulders, it is the best promise we can ever hope to give. Subscribe To Clothesline ConfessionalSubscribe to my email list and I promise that you will receive nothing but goodness - blog posts, invitations to share your own "laundry stories," and maybe a few pictures of hideous internet cats. Life IS work, but I think marriage is too, especially since it’s a part of life and life is, you know, work. I love this perspective – Life is hard and your marriage is a part of it It leads to personal responsibility. Finding ways to keep in touch when everyone moves in their own direction, supporting them when they make mistakes and encouraging them to do things that are good for them. The number of people in your family, who you must show love and kindness to despite bigoted opinions or willful ignorance, doubles. When the burdens of uncertainty and exhaustion, and the difficulty of managing your solitary life are too great, you have somebody to lean against.
We are all trapped inside our heads, unsure if the world we see is the world that is, if we will ever be understood and loved despite our failures and our flaws. She scribbles about sex-positive parenting, marriage after cancer, and vegetarian cooking on her blog, Becoming SuperMommy.
Daily we need to remind yourselves that the world is filled with broken people as a result of a broken world and choose to treat other better because of it. The number of directions in which you are pulled for holidays, vacations, weddings, and funerals, that increases as well. As the years pass you are not the same person who fell in love despite knowing you didn’t need help to live alone.
I really liked the point you made about how when you take on a partner a lot of times you are doubling the complexities of relationships by added to your group. When my son was born with Down syndrome (after my mom passed away six months earlier AND my dad had become an addict after he retired) my husband was there for me.
Finding a path that suits you, a career that gratifies you, friends that you enjoy and support you, that’s hard. If I move for a job, will my spouse suffer, or will they find gratifying work in a new location as well? Taking another person into your life, in such a profoundly intimate way as marriage… it adds to the list of difficulties you face.
As the years pass, they are no longer the same person who loved you despite not needing to share your burdens in an already difficult world.
That was ten years ago, and we’ve had some very good times since then, and we have a special needs son we can be proud of–even when he acts like a teenager! When she isn’t revising her upcoming memoir, she can be found singing opera, smeared to the elbow in pastels.

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