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Unfortunately, most Cardinals fans remember Hancock primarily for his all-too-early death in an April 2007 car accident. The best team in the NL Central a year ago did what they usually do and got better in the offseason. In 2012, a Michael Wacha was a sex move that involved a jar of chunky peanut butter and jumper cables that I used on my wife when she was blackout drunk. The 2013 Cincinnati Reds season finished the way a Dusty Baker-managed team always does: without a World Series title. A healthy Johnny Cueto will be a big plus for a staff already loaded with talent in Latos, Bailey, and Tony Cingrani. The addition of Matt Garza is a big plus for the Brew Crew, as it turns Marco Estrada and Wily Peralta into what they should be: number four and five starters (if that). If you could have one athlete jerk off in a cup and then use his seed to impregnate your wife, who would it be? A year prior to his death, though, he was a valuable member of the bullpen as the Cardinals won their first World Series in 24 seasons.
During the postseason, he threw 1.2 innings of scoreless relief in Game 3 of the NLDS before facing adversity in the NLCS, during which he gave up a run in a third of an inning in Game 2 and gave up 5 runs without recording an out in Game 4.


The Cardinals really got all they could out of turd shortstop Pete Kozma the past couple seasons.
But in 2013, Wacha’s right arm damn near won the Cards their twelfth World Series title. Baker was shown the door after being given yet another squad loaded with talent that didn’t live up to its potential. Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Hancock, who previously pitched with the Boston Red Sox, Philadelphia Phillies, and Cincinnati Reds, won a job as a non-roster invitee during spring training and went on to see the most extensive action of his career. While Hancock’s numbers weren’t fantastic, he was a great example of a key non-roster addition that helped spark his team to a World Series championship. All of the pieces are still there, as Votto, Bruce, Phillips, and a healthy Ludwick should be able to produce more runs than a Fiery Doritos Locos Taco at Taco Bell. ATL, CHC, STL, and PIT), and he was never considered to be part of the starting rotation this spring. And if Aramis Ramirez can keep the sand out of his vagina enough to play 140 games, look the fuck out.


But most teams that makes the postseason after being big piles of pig shit the twenty years prior to that seem to regress the following season. Enter Jhonny Peralta, who with or without testosterone injections will be three times the player Kozma was. Trevor Rosenthal and his 99-MPH heater are closing out games, but the Cards’ former closer Jason Motte should return by May at the latest.
If he can quickly regain his All-Star form when he returns, the Reds will be playing at least one game of October baseball again. He’ll team up with guys like teen-porn king Carlos Martinez at the back end of what should be a pretty tits bullpen.
If he can find a way to get on base at least 35% of the time, it’s going to be a great year for Reds fans.



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