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It was a fun show that came complete with all the  fauna, folk and folklore of the Hudson Valley region that took a mystical and mythical quadrennial journey. It opened with Henry Hudson being set adrift in a rowboat by his crew and ended with  the present day of  Clearwater and the Walkway. As reported in the Poughkeepsie Journal of January 12th 1949,  he came to play  folk music  for  the fourth, fifth and sixth grades in a concert open to the public. That 1949 concert was a benefit for  Peoples Songs Inc., an organization he had co-founded in 1945  with the belief that folk music could be an effective force for social change. Pete Seeger’s life of music and activism have been just such a force of social change for seventy years. We thank him for the inspiration he provides, the dedication he has given and for his enduring commitment  to education and democracy. He has inspired generations of students to play music, get involved and make a difference in the world. Welcome“Wanderer, your footsteps are the road, and nothing more; wanderer, there is no road, the road is made by walking. Last night’s forum was a discussion of digital technology and social media and their impact on learning and education. A new year, a new project in global awareness and world citizenship:an anonymous donation to the school has helped us launch the PDS Kiva project. We’ve had a wonderful spring season in Athletics this year with all three sports going into post-season. I shrugged my shoulders, which was not an acceptable answer to the question of “how are you feeling.” How should I know? With that admission of feeling in the form of prose, my therapist taught me that putting words to experiences and the emotions they carry can dispel the hold they had on me. My therapist explained that the depression used to cover up emotions can become a permanent part of the personality. Bio: After her first eighteen years in the Northeast, Lynn Tolson moved to the Southwest where she engaged in careers in real estate and property management. Lynn, your description of feeling the fear in order to work through it to sanity was so true for me. I know that I have had my feelings but they never got valued nor acknowledged by my mom or my dad and then later my abuser.. So there for they just got pushed aside and stuffed down, making me feel unloved, rejected and never good enough.. When I started to see what was going on and I confronted my mom and dad they made excusses and blamed everything else but where the blame needed to go.. Lynn, what a well written post and it really brought to me a message that I can do this work on feelings too. I didn’t understand the connection though, until your post, between my trained response to feelings and my anxiety and depression.
Fear of being insane and actually being locked up as was threatened so many times when I was younger keeps me from a place where I fear losing control but also the release. When I left home at 19, I promised myself that no one was ever going to control me or tell me what to do like my dictator dad did when I was a child. I worked so hard at making myself and my world safe and happy so that I could believe that the incest wasn’t still affecting me once I left it behind in my childhood home. I still wasn’t finished with the control but instead of looking at the incest, I looked at self-improvement in general. Finally when I was 38 years old, I found out that I couldn’t fix me through fixing you.
Pam, the best thing you can do for your sister is to learn to love and take care of yourself.
I think another reason why I could eventually come to terms with my feelings was because I read my therapist’s articles and she was always very honest with her emotions.
Yes, we did the cognitive behavioral homework in which I had to rate my highs and lows daily, and say what caused them. The other thing is that my feelings would build up like a pressure cooker and then erupt like a volcano. This is how I feel too,Im not giving my family or anyone for that matter the upper hand on me to hurt me like they once did..
Not sure how you feel of God or anything but for me its lightens my load to know that I can give my worries to him and he will get me through things one step at a time and day to day..
Its like climbing out of a mental maze and its just quite frustrating that people dont see how risky it is to invalidate your’e feelings when you are doing this work. Renee, it’s so mean that anyone would steal kids’ toys, especially something as large as a trampoline? It was a pleasure to be able to thank him for all that he has done for the Husdon Valley and the cause of social justice everywhere. By walking one makes the road, and upon glancing behind one sees the path that never will be trod again. When PDS high school students took the HSSSE (High School Survey of Student engagement) the results were astonishing. Many of you know Lynn; she is a frequent commenter and contributor to the conversations here in EFB. I had no clue, no compass, and no map to lead me through the hot and sweaty tropical jungle of twisted emotional thorny vines that lay strangled with family secrets and lies. She said, “The symptoms of anxiety and depression you experience are not personality flaws but the consequence of childhood wounds. During those years, she survived post-traumatic stress disorder, which manifested in addictions and suicide attempts.

I’m glad to be guest blogger for Darlene and all the participants here at Emerging From Broken. This is another crazy grad weekend for my family, (this time my eldest, last weekend my middle child)! I have a hard time with that, I have gotten so much better, but I struggled with that for fear of being wrong and then the 3 main feelings (unloved, rejected and not good enough) I had would be there.. It is lately where I have seen glimmers of history repeating that I’m more bound and determined. I got bumped off the computer last night due to my husband wanting to watch a baseball game.
I know what you say is true, I just have my days…She does seem to be getting worse with age. Even if they don’t respond in the way that you want them to, you have said your peace (piece).
Though for some (strange) reason I was always very emotional in therapy, I could never do so outside of the room.
Initially, I barely did my homework…which my therapist interpreted as a lack of trust. Congratulations on moving from being a victim of this personality to doing the work necessary to help yourself. I know everything you say is true and I am keeping my distance and refusing her control of me.
My rage that was a cesspit of frustration and hatred, and the fear that was just a terrible anxiety that ate away at me and erupted into panic attacks. I told my mother twice when I was a child-the first time, at 8 yrs old she told me he had confused sex with love and I should forget it.
Lynn is an advocate and the author of “Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story” ~ Please help me welcome Lynn and as always, please share your thoughts in the comments section. I am trapped in the darkness of my heart, all alone, Choking and grasping to find tender loving care.
When you excavate and explore emotions, you allow the fear to fade.” Digging deep like this may alleviate the depression, and allow room for expansion of joyful feelings. Through the therapeutic process, she determined the causes of her dysfunction, which included childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence. I have struggled with that “don’t know“ thing in regards to my feelings too, but also in what I want or need. And it was the most like going into space or the unknown that I have ever ‘not felt’ Lol! Why it took me so long to process experiences is because I never felt them in the moment they happened.
I am afraid of my feelings very much as whenever as a child these feelings were allowed to surface I got into worse trouble..
I agreed that I would allow emotions to simmer until they exploded like an untended pressure-cooker. I want others to stop commenting that I seem guarded, or that I have hints of old anger playing on my face. I think every hurt in life drives her deeper withing herself and the protective walls grow thicker. I’m glad to hear that not only were the resources available, and also they came through for you. So I learned to fear my emotions as something terrible and overwhelming and out of my control. It’s a terribly confusing way to live, and like you, made me feel so much guilt at how it affected others. Need to take it slowly seeing friends even, never mind family as it probably takes practice to hold your’e own with people. Even in the company of a therapist I sensed I was safe with, one whom I trusted and developed rapport with, I dared not enter the realm of emotion. With each exhale of fear, I could inhale the courage to face my fears, feeling compassion for myself and others.
And I used every route imaginable, from my own mind games, to escapism, to self-destructive activities, including over and under eating. Today though, I think I can show some emotions, maybe not all of them but at least I can smile without the fear of being hit. Hopefully creating clear boundaries and discerning feelings makes it a bit easier these days.
It could be days, weeks, months, years, decades later that I owned the feelings that went with the experiences.
I still struggle with actually telling someone how they make me feel more so on the side of when they hurt my feeling, but Im learning and I know what the feelings are and at least can express them on paper or type it out.. She sees herself as having overcome our upbringing but she also can’t remember most of it. She is so out of touch with her emotional side that I don’t think she allows herself even to be unhappy about her situation. I also think that her world has become very abstract as a result of denying her feelings and her reality. Somewhere down the line, in a different scene, in real life, with different people, you will be astonished when someone responds to you in exactly the way you want the response! I know she is in pain right now because her children are grown and have their own identity issues because of the emeshement in her own family. One thing I have found helpful in processing these emotions is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

You confronted you dad before he died, which is a very courageous thing to do, and with confrontation, you validated yourself.
You built walls around yourself to block out bad feelings, so you also blocked out any good that could come your way. Transformation from fear to love requires more than rationalization and intellectualization. As Eleanor Roosevelt says, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. Yvonne, it’s true that in helping others you help yourself, as one heals so does another, but you had heaps of burdens on you, to have to protect other siblings. Learn to trust women even as I set more boundaries with the woman who painted such a cruel picture of females in my mind and heart. Because the writing made you acutely aware of 1) what you don’t want 2) of what you DO want. One of the most enlightening moments of my life was when I came out of the darkness of suppressed memory and realized the true source of the anger within (incest and abuse) and how to direct that anger toward the abusers.
My attempts to resolve and distance myself became issues that in a court of law could be viewed as being uncooperative and even intentionally aggressive. It took me til two years ago to discover and feel the anger for my mother and she finally acknowledged some of what I said but died in Nov last year. I say this because I had a very bad day a few days ago and I told myself through tears that It would be better to die than continue feeling this way. Tolson moved to the Midwest where she returned to college to obtain a degree in social work.
I was in a Unity Church Sunday service when I started to cry with sadness at her death, 3 weeks later, after stoically stating that it didn’t bother me. I did not talk about the incest at that time but I did talk about witnessing domestic violence and molestation of siblings as a child, and the therapist helped me to disengage from an abusive husband. I was very out of touch of possibilities on the positive side of life until I started journal writing imagined responses. It might be the price that I paid for my freedom and wholeness, but that price doesn’t seem to high anymore. Those appropriately directed feelings (at least most of the time) spared my body a lot of ill feeling, the kind of body sickness that comes with misdirected emotional feelings. I take hope in what you say and perhaps, the pain she feels now will cause her to begin to face the truth. Ive been pretty fragile and really trying to cope with this journey for the last two years on my own.
Yes, I had a God send in the form of a counselor named Karen, but there were several psychiatrists and psychologists here and there who just did not get it, or me, and that in itself just perpetuated the pain.
I might have thought I was emotionally numb, but my body felt otherwise, pressuring me into feeling something, anything to point to the pain and anger latent inside.
I was thinking about how numbing our feelings has interfered with our values and judgements.
She started to ask me things and proceeded to correct me for having had anger at my mother as she said my mother had been a victim too.
At the time, I was processing my anger toward my mother, and I was estranged from my mother.
Perhaps we came from homes with so much chaos, craziness, and confusion that there was yelling and screaming. Narcissist became a word, new to my vocabulary, the dimensions of this disorder, cause and affect. I made the police report and I have no feelings other than be on the watch for my grandkids emotions. Step two, was to learn how to identify the defenses used by and to begin to identy the triggers.
I had to have that time away from my mother because she was a narcissist who made it all about her.
And there would be one calamity after another, so that there was no chance in hell of catching our breath, or collecting our thoughts, or capturing our feelings, from one moment to the next. Relative to your sister (no pun intended) I liken her to my brother, who has frozen his feelings in some arrested development phase. Counseling did not provide me with actual needed skills to protect myself from his continued abusive assaults,limiting and restricting his involvement didn’t work as issues with my children involved him. Even the death of his 17 year old son did not thaw his heart or move his soul into the direction of therapy.
What worked was when I spoke openly about his rages to others and was able to no longer be confused I learned to speak from a well informed and confident position. During that time frame I was able to determine my feelings without interference from her, and without having to deflect to her feelings, or protect her from feeling bad, guilty, sad. When I suddenly was diagnosed with cancer, she learned of it through the family grapevine, and wrote to me.
I am now able to deal with this character, but not alone any more, as with such disorders a third party is necessary and is recognised as essential during all negotiations allowing that a witness is always involved and present(never behind closed doors or in private). It does take practice to hold your own, which is another way of saying it takes practice to claim your power. I had spent 2 years mourning with him, reading grief books with him, sending him poems by Mattie Stepanauk, talking on the telephone, using my minutes, ignoring time with my husband, when all along my brother had been MY RAPIST!

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